<p>"Can you describe the dental work that was done in more detail? It’s true that most people consider wisdom teeth to be optional and typically don’t do fillings or crowns on these teeth. I think the parents on this thread might be able to weigh in whether the “permanant damage” that was done was due to the neglect of your teeth or on part for typcial adulthood. "</p>
<p>I have four impacted wisdom teeth that are pushing against my molars, which is causing crowding and a lot of pain (including one inflamed area in the back and a lot of gum damage). The crowding has resulted in “mobility” and weak gums, especially in the front. I was told that they would likely become looser over the years and I’ll likely lose them by age 40-50. I also have 5 small cavities that I didn’t even know about until yesterday (as I’ve never been to a dentist before). So far I am just going through cleanings/fillings (like jym626, I had calculus removal), but the wisdom teeth removal process is going to be sometime in the future. The wisdom teeth have caused pain for years now.</p>
<p>I’m surprised to be one of the few parents who thinks this mom basically had a nasty email coming, provided the OP is reporting honestly that she neglected his health when she was responsible for it. Hard to understand parents who’d put off dental care when the kid is experiencing pain. Wisdom teeth removal may indeed be elective at times, but attention to dental pain should not be elective.</p>
<p>I don’t disagree she had a negative letter coming, but he is 23 yrs old & pain is a big motivator & there are student & low income clinics available if it indeed bothered him enough to get it treated, even if it wasn’t treated when he was a child.</p>
<p>We do things, because we get something out of them.
If I dwelled on negative experiences, it might be because I enjoyed the image of me as a victim, of others as villains, or maybe I just like the attention.
But I would rather get attention for positive things ( or none at all), so I work at assuming responsibility for my choices & where I spend my time.</p>
<p>legendofmax,
Start a digital diary. Write all the cathartic, angry emails you want, but DON’T SENT THEM. Store them in your digital diary (a file in your computer) and review them a few months downthe road. See if you stil feel the same way. Wash, rinse, repeat. DO NOT SEND. Your venting is for you, not for her.</p>
<p>Please stop expecting to rekindle what is not possible at this time of your life. You need to focus on you and leading a healthy and productive life without hate and anger This stuff will eat away at you like a cancer but the worst part of all is that it will erode any chance you have of having a wonderful healthy relationship in your life. You are getting older now and kudos to you for all that you ahve accomplished. Your biggest accomplishment will be in making you a whole person…work on that and you will find that all other pieces of your life will improve. When your interpersonal relationships are satisfying and bring you joy it will make you a better person all the way around…a better employee, husband, father, friend…etc… This should be part of your focus. It is also important to learn the beauty of forgiveness. To forgive does not mean that you will embrass your mother just that you can find it in your heart to recognize that she was unable to be the mother that you needed. Please see a therapist to work through the anger and resentment because it is poisoning you as a person. You have accomplishments to be so proud of but for any of it to mean anything you must come to terms with this stuff. I really wish I could give you a hug…a momma hug because everyone needs them and it really has nothing to do with age. I hope you find people in your life that can help you to realize the art of giving freely without the expectation of receiving. I know you feel that life has been unfair to you but life has also been good to you because somehow you managed to come above many obstacles based on either the reality or your perceived reality. You are at an age where you need to address the truth.</p>
<p>MOWC: I was also young and rather broke when I started therapy. I had no parental financial or emotional support and worked a low-level job. However, I found a good therapist who worked within my budget. Weekly therapy might sound impossible to afford, but I made it work (with lots of rice and beans in my food budget and having no car). Thus far, therapy has been the best investment I have ever made, and repays me tenfold almost every day.</p>
<p>Legend, I’m not being mean here but something is worth pointing out. You have a medical condition that is causing pain, but you are choosing not to fix the problem. You are employed, have health insurance, and a source of income. It’s not cheap to remove wisdom teeth, but there are financial packages available that make it possible to do payments.</p>
<p>By refusing to get the medical treatment now that you say you need, you’re doing the exact same thing your mother did!</p>
<p>Think about this a few times…it doesn’t get any easier to pay thousands of dollars for medical care as you get older. :-(</p>
<p>As has been posted, it is likely that therapy would be covered by insurance (inquire–you’re paying the premiums). Our family has used it when dealing with difficult issues and it has been helpful. Good therapists can REALLY make a huge difference and allow you to move forward (the co-pay after insurance is generally very affordable). You have so much going for you and you are allowing yourself to be weighed down by your anger and resentment.</p>
<p>The problem is that I’ve tried hard to move on and just life my life. I want so badly to one day have a family of my own and do everything properly – I think I’d make a terrific father. It’s just so hard to move on when there are so many problems in the present – constant reminders of pain. I have an injury on my hand that makes it difficult to even hold hands with my girlfriend (I have to use my right most of the time, or she’ll just hold my left gently). My teeth are another problem, and my health is a massive question mark.</p>
<p>This pain is just intensifying every day and I don’t know how to deal with it, nor am I all that sure anyone would really understand where I’m coming from.</p>
<p>No, “I’m not entitled to anything.” But I feel like we can always find someone who has it worse. For every starving kid in America, we could find a starving kid from a third-world country who has to sleep in the rain, etc. I don’t know how to rationalize my feelings because it feels like anyone could just “crush” the entire argument by saying “you aren’t owed anything.” I feel unloved and without a family.</p>
<p>babyontheway: Problem is I can’t afford it yet.</p>
<p>Easy excuse…the challenge is you have to find something to sacrifice for a while in order to afford it. Maybe not drive the car on the weekends. Maybe not buy a computer, or maybe not buy a video game or go to the movies. Or something else in your life that is not mandatory (food, lodging, vehicle expense to get to grocery store and work).</p>
<p>You may have to setup a payment plan with the dentist or through a bank or credit union.</p>
<p>You may have to rent a smaller apartment or a cheaper place to live. You may have to cancel a cell phone or Netflix subscription. You may need to turn off Internet and use the public library. Your health is more important that a years Internet subscription.</p>
<p>You said your parents spent money on fun things like boats and houses rather than medical stuff. If you want to do better, you have to spend the money on getting your teeth fixed and figure out what you can do without so you can afford it.</p>
<p>I’m not sure why you’re assuming I am spending all this money on “fun stuff.” I don’t own a car – I take the subway. I don’t waste money on new computers and video games and movies (I might go once in a while to take my girlfriend out, sure). I’m not spending a dime on alcohol. And yet even with loans and rent and utilities and insurance, I barely break even.</p>
<p>The only problem is rent – I likely chose a place that is too expensive for me by about 300/month. I plan on downsizing when my lease expires. But outside of that I am extremely frugal.</p>
<p>I would think impacted wisdom teeth that are painful should be taken care of sooner than later. My understanding is you have a good job that pays well. Check into Care Credit. I used that through my dentist’s office when I had to have a couple of crowns done which my insurance did not cover. There was no interest for a period of time and it could be paid off over the course of 18 months or so (can’t remember exact details but it was helpful to not have to pay everything at once).</p>
<p>Max,
Do you have any dental schools in your area? Here in the SF Bay Area, lots of people go to UCSF or UOP dental schools for dental work. It’s about 50% cheaper and they sometimes take insurance. You do have to spend a lot of time there, however, because the dental student has to get their professor’s approval for proceeding with the next round of work. P.S. I know this is hard. As someone who went to heck and back with an abusive set of parents, I can assure you that it is entirely possible to create a happy, healthy life for your future. Don’t lose hope! Sending more positive thoughts your way…:)</p>
<p>Your dentist (or oral surgeon)'s office might also be willing to work out a payment schedule to help you get this taken care of. You could consider taking on a room mate or ask your landlord if there is any option to shorten the lease due to financial issues so you can find a less expensive place. You can consider asking lender if you can make smaller loan payments temporarily as well. Keep track of all you’re spending on EVERYTHING & look for ways to make things work–you’re very bright and capable. You can do this!</p>
<p>I assume that you don’t have dental insurance, Max. Look into your health insurance policy. It is possible, although not likely, that oral surgery is covered. Also check into what your co-pays would be for therapy.</p>
<p>I agree with others that you have to find a way to get the teeth taken care of immediately. And what is wrong with your hand?</p>
<p>I recently acquired dental insurance, but it can only cover so much… I am very glad I got it, though.</p>
<p>As for my hand, I sustained an injury during a game of baseball in the 5th grade. It makes it impossible for that hand to touch anything without pain (so something like clapping is out of the question), so I have to keep that fist closed at all times.</p>
<p>I was going to mention what NYMomof2 did. Both my sons had their wisdom teeth taken out by an oral surgeon. It was covered by our medical portion as it was considered medically necessary. There was a copay but most of it was covered by the medical insurance. As I mentioned earlier and as others have also mentioned, ask about a payment plan if it comes to it. I can’t imagine it is good to let the dental issues go based on how bad you are saying things are.</p>
<p>You should be able to get treatment for the hand, covered by your medical insurance. And if your medical plan will not cover oral surgery, have you looked into how much your out-of-pocket cost would be if you used an in-network provider, or a dental school? Are you drawing the conclusion that you can’t afford these things in the absence of data?</p>
<p>Do you have a flex benefits plan at work, legendofmax? If so, some if not all of the deductible/copay can be paid from that. Some plans will only pay as much as you have so far funded for the year (which cant be much since we are only 2 weeks into the year) but others will let you use your whole medical flex benefits account at once.</p>
<p>Hard to tell if when you say you are dealing with pain you mean oral pain or emotional pain ( as well as the hand pain). If its oral pain and its getting worse, then as other have said the surgery is something that usually falls under medical, not dental. Hopefully you dont have a pre-exisiting clause in your plan. I think the new federal healthcare rules have addressed that. Its hard to tell if you are now in unbearable oral pain, which constitutes an emergency, or if its jsut more of what you have had for a long time and can wait a bit until you have more $$ saved to cover the out-of-pocket expenses.</p>
<p>I am afraid that waiting to fix the dental problems might be dangerous. I believe that, if infection sets in, it can travel anywhere in the body. You may remember the awful case of a 12-year-old boy who died when an infection from an untreated dental cavity traveled to his brain. I know that dental problems can also affect the heart. This is probably why the problem might be covered under your medical plan.</p>
