<p>My younger daughter decided this year that she would like to branch out more - friends, ECs… She’s done ballet since age of 3. Because of it, she was prevented from participating in many ECs, especially sports. In the last few weeks, every time I called home to speak with her after school, she hasn’t been home. Last night I found out she’s joined the school’s track. She got her dad to buy a pair of running shoes for her. Between two of them, they got it all figured out how it was going to fit into her schedule. They weren’t going to tell me until she knew for sure she wanted to do it. I felt left out and was disappointed that she didn’t come to me.</p>
<p>I confronted her about it last night (H told me few nights ago). She told me that she is very good in hurdles. During her first try, she was able to do 19 strides between hurdles, whereas other girls were doing 22-23. They tried to slow her down by doing 21 strides, but it didn’t work for her. She is doing 17 strides between hurdles now. She has never done sports in school before. She said when she was practicing, other coaches came to watch her. They all complimented her on her coordination and speed. </p>
<p>I was originally a bit upset, but she sounded so excited and happy. I didn’t have the heart to say anything negative (like how it would impact her ballet if she were to get injured). It is not surprising she would be good at the hurdles - her height (long legs), strong legs from dance, and her rhythm/timing/grace from years of dance training. I wasn’t thrilled that my H didn’t say anything initially, but I guess it’s good she had her dad to go to.</p>
<p>It’s disappointing to feel left out. I fear I do with my DH who calls himself, “chopped liver” one those occasions. Sometimes it’s just an oversight, sometimes I worry he wouldn’t be happy. So i avoid those discussions by not telling him.</p>
<p>I wonder if maybe your DD was worried you would disapprove because of dance. Is she still committed to dance as much as you’d like or is it your thing? Have you spoken about this? I also suggest you pick a good time to talk to your husband too.</p>
<p>They went behind your back because they knew what your reaction would be. (She has ballet so she doesn’t have time.) Do you understand that if she began ballet lessons at age three then ballet wasn’t her choice it was yours? It sounds like you have a problem with the track team and I don’t know why. It’s a really good outlet for teenage energy not to mention the benefits of being physically fit. Injures??? Do you know how many ballerinas ruin their knees? I am stunned by the title of this thread. Joining the track team is rebellion?</p>
<p>My goodness. I’d be calling a 3-way meeting to find out why they felt they had to do it this way. Maybe everyone can clear everything up in one sitting together. Be prepared to listen really well to their points-of-view. I hope you can also express how it made you feel.</p>
<p>I make the goals of such sit-downs that everyone hear each other, not change or convince each other.</p>
<p>Mabye something good will come out of all this misunderstanding.</p>
<p>You have a terrific daughter placing her energies in positive activities. I agree with Jonri…Count your blessings and praise your daughter and love her everyday of her life!</p>
<p>Kudos! Good for you and H for having raised such wonderful girl!</p>
<p>Hi oldfort! My d is more apt to come to me (her father) with things like this. My wife is not nearly as flexible on issues. My s is more at ease talking with my wife. What they don’t know is that we tell each other everything. The important thing to us is that they can talk to at least one of us and we will listen and advise.</p>
<p>I am posting to try to sort out my feelings about this matter. On the one hand I am proud of her, but at the same time I can’t help but feel left out, and that she didn’t trust me enough to talk to me. I guess maybe that’s more of it.</p>
<p>A social worker once told me that’s why it’s best to have two parents in a family. Sometimes one can deal better with a child, and other times the other parent deals better.</p>
<p>Maybe your D wants to move on from dance, and knows it will be hard for you. My D quit dance after 9th grade (had to b/c of high school theater program), and it was hard for it to be over. She quit theater after her sophomore year in college, and that was really hard to see at an end. She had been in theater since age 8.</p>
<p>Your D’s dance background will hold her in good stead in any kind of athletics. A family friend of ours moved from dance into swimming and the high school coach was amazed how fast she picked everything up. Ballet is great training. I still value my training decades later.</p>
<p>LOL, I thought this was going to be about tatoos, body piercings, sneaking out, raiding the liquor cabinet, or worse!</p>
<p>Track and field? It’s all good.</p>
<p>When my daughter decided to quit a club sport we believed she’d had a passion for since the age of 5, we had mixed feelings about it. You not only quit the sport, but a way of life with friends, fun activities, and other benefits. But she’d stopped having fun and wanted to try out some new things. It’s turned out fine. We sure don’t miss the downside of that intense culture. Sounds like your daughter is not even quitting ballet, just spreading her wings a bit. I’m sure she’ll do okay, and if it turns out to be too much, then she’ll just have to make a few hard choices. Much like real life, imo.</p>
<p>EDIT: Oldfort, you’ve posted since I began writing, so I see now where your focus is on this one. I’ve read your posts where you said your daughters “tell you everything.” Well, now you know that’s not true-and really, that’s not the way it should be. You can be very close with your daughters, even with a few boundaries, and that’s a good thing for them in terms of gaining emotional independence. Many parents think that their kids tell them everything, but they simply do not. It’s good that your daughter reached out to your husband. He’s probably felt left out of the loop many many times due to the fact that you are so close to your daughters. This is a great thing for the two of them, and I hope once you lick your wounds, you’ll be able to see that it’s really a postiive thing.</p>
<p>Obviously I don’t know your D - was not telling you really a trust issue? Or, are you really upset because your husband and her worked together on this without your knowledge? Sometimes I am too supportive of an activity and my child is afraid to tell me that they are no longer interested for fear that I will be disappointed.</p>
<p>Well, you have a lot of daughters. It’s probably good that they want to go to thier dad from time to time. He probably feels left out as the only guy. I know my H is always happy when one of the girls confides in him. It’s tough living with all women. </p>
<p>When I first opened this up, I was expecting some horror story! Leave it to Oldfort to have a budding athletic rebellion on her hands. LOL.</p>
<p>oldfort, it’s probably not a matter of trust but that she knew all too well what your reaction would be and went the path of least resistance. I bet she values your input plenty and that you are a rock in her life. I’m sure there are plenty of instances that she came to you because of that quality, and will do so in the future.</p>
<p>Did her dad do track at some point in his life? Mine went to her dad when she decided to switch to a certain sport because her dad used to play it. Any way you look at it, count your blessings! It sounds like you are raising two wonderful young ladies. Congrats!</p>
<p>I self exam a lot. I am not mad at her. I am just thinking about down the road when she may have tough things to tell me - sexual orientation, long term partner, career, family…I would like her to know that she is what’s important.</p>
<p>It is very hard to excell at two sports at the same time. I’d venture a guess that that would be your position. I’m surprised that a father would not see that.</p>
<p>If her high school (I’m assuming she is in high school) is anything like the one my kids go to, then the coaches and other athletes are vying for state medals and championships and she will likely have some choices to make she may not have thought about.</p>
<p>I’ve found my oldest tells me too much and my youngest tells her dad a lot of stuff and we didn’t set it up this way, but when I saw it happening a couple of years ago, I made it a point to start a once a week out to sushi (her favorite food) between just the two of us. She really counts on it, now.</p>
<p>Mostly it’s just blah, blah, blah. But, every once in a while, it’s something else. she’s not all that dramatic, actually, so it’s nothing like the oldest…who is. ;)</p>
<p>I can understand how the OP feels a bit hurt by being left out in this decision. On the other hand, her daughter sounds awesome—graceful, intelligent, and athletic. </p>
<p>oldfort, I bet your daughter and your husband didn’t know how to approach you about your daughter’s desire to try something knew and put dance aside for a little while. They love you and respect you, but they just didn’t know how to start the touchy conversation of your daughter wanting to explore a new interest.</p>
<p>IMO–This is a great time to remind your daughter that she can come to you about anything.
Let her know that you support her decision and you can’t wait to cheer her on at her first official track meet. Be her cheerleader and she’ll see through your actions that you truly do accept her and her decisions.</p>
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