<p>I worked out of home when D1 was in middle school and part of high school. I used to drive her back and forth to school and activities. I decided to go back to work full time and asked H to be more available at home, so D2 does spend more time with H. </p>
<p>I am going to make a point of spending some time with D2, and I will be there for her first meet in 2 weeks.</p>
<p>Hey oldfort, you should have your D try pole vaulting. I bet she’d be a natural at that, also.</p>
<p>oldfort, that’s wonderful. Please come back here after her meet and fill us in on how it felt to watch your daughter participate in her first race.</p>
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<p>Actually, none of your posts come off that way. I read hurt feelings, mainly, or wondering if you’ve given her an impression she can’t come to you for anything and everything when in fact the opposite is true.</p>
<p>“I didn’t have the heart to say anything negative (like how it would impact her ballet if she were to get injured).”</p>
<p>Plenty of young girls do ballet. As they get into high school age, the numbers thin drastically. Do you really want you daughter to continue with ballet? Do you realize what a brutally competitive, short career that is? Do you understand that it is virtually impossible to go on with a college education and succeed as a ballerina at the same time?</p>
<p>Do you think she and Dad might have decided for her to just give track a trial for a few weeks, see if she liked it, and if so then bring it all to you. If not, then she’d just have an extra pair of shoes.</p>
<p>He bought her the shoes so she could try things out. Maybe to spare your feelings not hurt them.</p>
<p>Wow, am I the only one who sees that this is a marital problem, not a child problem? Not that its any of my business but since you asked about it on an open board …</p>
<p>Oldfort-we know a young woman who was a ballet dancer. She took up track around this same age. Senior year she was noticed at track meet and ended up getting a scholarship to a div 1 school for the high jump. She also runs hurdles and does the triple jump and long jump. Her coach felt that the reason she progressed so quickly was due to her ballet training.
My youngest is very close to my H. I am hurt when they come up with some plan behind my back. She will often share when she is upset with a friend or boy with my H I sometimes get upset but I remind myself of all the things that my kids at times have confided in me and not shared at all with him. Like you I am close with my oldest D. She will often call home and her Dad will answer and she will say Hi and tell him she needs to talk to Mom.
In your shoes I might share with them how it made you feel but without judging them for keeping it from you. Point out that while you are happy they have a close relationship your feelings were hurt and you would like them to not keep things from you.</p>
<p>No PhotoOp, I actually don’t see it as a marriage or a parenting problem. I just see it as a mom who wants to spend more time with her clearly together daughter. I see it as one of those opportunities more than as one of those “issues.”</p>
<p>Ahh,girls who share things…my 2 S’s share very little with DH or me other than the mundane stuff. Be glad you have kids who share their feelings with parents. </p>
<p>I’m guessing oldfort’s D2 was interested in trying something new but not certain so sought out Dad to “try out” the idea on. She may have been apprehensive about Mom worrying (as we Moms do) that she would get hurt, have too much on her plate, regret her decision after committing or a dozen other reasons why it might not be a good idea. I did all of the above when scrawny S1 announced he was going to play h.s. football after never having played in his life.</p>
<p>Maybe it was just easier to try it on for size with Dad first. Don’t worry oldfort. She’ll be very happy to see you in the stands cheering her on at her first meet.</p>
<p>Perhaps to spare worry or feelings, or perhaps an end run around you because they believed you would be negative…can’t know unless you ask them. Don’t assume. Ask in a non judgmental way or accept what you have been told at face value. </p>
<p>I did not tell my mom stuff when I was in HS if I knew she would go mental. BUT that was my mom and me…not you and your D.</p>
<p>I don’t see rebellion here, just omission of facts. Whether they were material is in the eye of the beholder. I can understand feeling blindsided, but I am not really sure that you were.</p>
<p>Looks like all those grand jetes paid off.</p>
<p>After reading some posts here, maybe it’s not as big of a deal,I am not going to say anything. But I may make a point of spending more time with her and be supportive of her new interest. Let action speak louder than words.</p>
<p>If I continue to stay on Cc you may hear more of D2’s escapades. I have a feeling this younger will through me more surprises in the next few years.</p>
<p>^^^^^Ditto on my D2. Lovely, bright, vivacious, and talented child, but a little more…uh…challenging than D1, the pleaser.</p>
<p>Yep. D2 is definitely more of a wildcard. Great kid, though. Love her spirit.</p>
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<p>Me either, and then she couldn’t figure out why I didn’t tell her things.</p>
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<p>It’s not a big deal at all, either the joining the track team or her going to her dad to carry it out. I think you’ll find the track team is a worthwhile endeavor and it’s fun to watch the meets, especially the hurdles.</p>
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<p>Good for you. You encountered a fair amount of criticism on this thread, including from me, and it sounds like you took it in stride, no pun intended.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I can understand that you feel left out. It’s good that you can acknowledge your feelings. You sound like you are dealing with them, and that’s cool.</p>
<p>Track is great … a nice change of pace for your D with new kids to hang around (not the same ballet girls she has probably been around forever). I know that I truly enjoyed my years running track.</p>
<p>Be grateful that’s your D’s rebellion. My ballet-dancer cousin rebelled during her senior year … but she got pregnant. Bet her parents would have preferred track.</p>
<p>I had a talk with D2 tonight. I told her that she needs to decide which activity she wants focus on in the next few months. One needs to be her major activity and another may need to take more of a back seat. She has obligation to her track team and she also has obligation to other dancers. </p>
<p>She is getting into an intense rehearsal period for her spring recital. She is usually expected to be at the studio on weekends, and now there are track meet on Sat. She could either decide that it’s track that’s more important, then she would need to tell her ballet teachers about it so they could plan ahead. Likewise, if it’s going to be ballet, then she would need to let her track coach know. She couldn’t possibly do both.</p>
<p>It wasn’t an easy conversation with her. I didn’t tell her that it needs to be ballet. Part of growing up is to take ownership for one’s decision, it’s not possible to have it all, her decision may have impact on other people, and it can’t be only what’s good for her or convenient for her. What I mean by that is she probably would like to do both, maybe miss few rehearsals when there is a track meet, or leave track practice early when she needs to be at ballet.</p>
<p>She is at a cross road. I told her to think about it and make a decision while she is on her break in the next few weeks.</p>
<p>Are you being too serious or intense? There are things such as a 2 sports athlete. Ballet one can do all year but track is only a spring sport. Most people will make accommodations and concessions. </p>
<p>Since you enrolled her in ballet at age 3, was that her decision to pursue it? Can’t one change one’s mind to just dabble? Does she have to pursue everything with one-track intensity? Does it have to be all or nothing?</p>
<p>I am asking perhaps in my family, my children’s extra curricular activities are just meant to be fun with no expectation for excellence.</p>
<p>I do not expect her to pick ballet over track. She may want to take a break from ballet for a few months while she is exploring track. I do not think it is ethical to let her teachers and other dancers believe she would be there 100% when she couldn’t. Dance is as much of a team activity as other sports. When someone doesn’t show up it effects other dancers. Unfortunately, at her level there is a certain expectation of excellence, not just for herself but for other dancers.</p>
<p>When D1 decided to do her school play, she decided dance would still be her main focus, so she worked out a schedule that was acceptable with the drama teacher, but she also didn’t get a major part. If D2 wants to focus on track this season then she should let her dance teachers know ahead of time, so they wouldn’t give her a major part and see if they could work around her schedule.</p>
<p>It is possible to be a 2 sports athlete if they are of two different season sports. Unfortunately ballet is an year round activity. That is what makes it hard and one must have a real passion to do it.</p>