I have sent two of my special snowflakes off to college. They both melted.
D16 is in her freshman year. She bit off more than than she could chew with an ambitious load of courses, a part time job, numerous clubs and activities. Add to that underlying anxiety issues that flared up full force and she melted. I have spent countless hours on the phone and texting with her. She has made full use of her college’s excellent support systems and resources. She is on a definite uphill trend now and I think it will all work out okay. But it was scary there for awhile as she melted, really scary.
Throughout that CC was a valuable resource. I was able to log on here every day and even though I posted very little about our situation I was able to read so many other posts that told me I was not alone. Lovely non-judgmental posts. Full of helpful advice.
D15 is a sophomore. She is tender hearted with a strong global perspective. She is feminist, pro-immigrant, and a champion of voting rights and human rights. She melted on election night. She didn’t know what to say to her friend the Dreamer whose future is now entirely up in the air. She didn’t know what to say to her friend who has been sexually assaulted and now fears no one will ever believe her. She didn’t know how to comfort her african american cousin whose roommate is a proud and exultant Trump voter. She melted. My baby who never cries, cried. She didn’t miss any classes and she is turning in all her work but she is gutted, shattered. I have spent countless hours on the phone mostly telling her it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to grieve. It’s been a tough week.
I wish I could say CC has been a valuable resource. Instead many on CC belittle and mock my daughter. They question my parenting saying I must have been the kind of parent who rushed in to fix every problem. Nope. We are feeling this and neither me or my D are a POC, a Muslim, a survivor of sexual assault, or part of the LGBTQ community. But we love people who are. And they are not being silly to be scared.
She called me last night to tell me she is changing her career goals and is now thinking of law school so she can become an immigration attorney.
So my snowflakes melted but both of them are refreezing now, stronger and hardier than before they melted. And isn’t this what we want our children to do in college? To be stretched almost to the breaking point by challenging thoughts, new relationships and experiences, by the reality that the world is much larger and much more complex than previously imagined.
You said your daughter hasn’t missed class, hasn’t dropped out of life. I don’t think she melted at all. Tough day, tough week? Yes, but she survived and is trying to think of ways to help those who might need it.
When a snowflake melts, it can never be a snowflake again. It can be a puddle, or ice, or evaporate. It sounds like your daughter has decided to be ice.
In my personal opinion, the only people that should have any minor sense of fear are illegal immigrants.
We have to remember checks and balances.
I feel for your daughters and any emotions they are experiencing. I am happy they are refreezing and taking a different perspective and that your daughter is refocusing her degree plan into something she sounds truly passionate about.
I am distraught that professors would be canceling class and rescheduling tests because of the outcome of the election. I had the flu during one of my Pre Cal test and my professor would not allow me to reschedule. I went in, took the test, scored below what I know I could have made, and I accepted that grade because I signed up for the course, and the syllabus explained that the only exceptions for tests were deaths in the family, unplanned major medical emergencies, and a few other things.
I’m sorry if some of the CC community have been directly targeting your daughter’s situation. That is just terrible.
I know a lot of my friends and family are upset due to things they are seeing. Families are frightened for the safety of their friends and loved ones who’s ethnicity, sex, and sexuality have been specifically called out. At the same time, anti-Trump people terrorizing cities with violent protests are striking uncertainty in many families wondering if they and their kids are safe.
Many have reasons to be worried; no one has the right to tell you your daughters are an exception.
Most importantly, don’t let anyone try to undermine your confidence in your parenting.
" I am distraught that professors would be canceling class and rescheduling tests because of the outcome of the election. I had the flu during one of my Pre Cal test and my professor would not allow me to reschedule. I went in, took the test, scored below what I know I could have made, and I accepted that grade because I signed up for the course, and the syllabus explained that the only exceptions for tests were deaths in the family, unplanned major medical emergencies, and a few other things."
Not sure how this is relevant. It’s not like all professors are allowing students to resechule tests or miss class the day after the election and who knows if the profs who have would have allowed you to reschedule your preCal test. My guess is they would have, at least the Yale prof who has been garnering a lot of criticism because he explicitly stated he is willing to work with students facing personal challenges.
“anti-Trump people terrorizing cities with violent protests are striking uncertainty in many families wondering if they and their kids are safe.”
This strikes me as hyperbole. The vandalism and violence has been isolated to a limited number of places and locales. The vast majority of protestors have been protesting peacefully, not rioting and not “terrorizing cities”. Your word choice seems pretty slanted to paint a picture that doesn’t exist.
Sounds like they are just growing up and thriving!
We all over schedule ourselves at one point. We all get really busy and bite off more than we can chew. Better to learn it in college as a young adult.
We all are on the losing side of an election at least once in our lives. We move on, find the positive, strive to right the wrongs and do what we can do to keep the world a better place.
I for one would not belittle or mock D2. College students are in that “almost adult” phase – sometimes they do benefit from parental advice and the longer term perspective we can offer. It is good that you could be there for her and she is fortunate to have your counsel.
If it makes you feel better, my D was also shaken up after the election. She is a gentle and kind-hearted young woman who is currently in grad school. She is pursuing a career as a speech pathologist where she can spend her professional life helping children with speech issues/disabilities etc. She also did not miss class or anything like that but it took her a few days to kind of catch her breath and regroup. We spoke a couple of times and I kept reminding her that just by being the person she is and by doing the work she wants to do that she will impact people in a positive way – and really that is what each individual can hope to do. She needed to be reminded that presidents come and go and that some things are not in our control-- but there is no choice but to move forward and try to be our best self.
I could have missed some posts, but I’m not seeing where this happened. Could you give me examples? For future reference, you can report posts that you think violate the Terms of Service. I don’t see that you’ve reported any posts in the past. We don’t put up with belittling or mocking. On the other hand, if someone gives you advice you don’t like, that is not necessarily a TOS violation.
I am also happy that both of your kids are doing better. Both of my kids were shaken up after the election. One called me crying at 3:00 in the morning. It took both of my girls a few days to get over it but like happy1, I encouraged my kids to move forward and do what they can to make the world a better place.
My husband was very sad and it took a few days for him to be more of himself. My older D works at a very progressive law firm and people were actively crying the day after the election. My youngest, in grad school of art ed couldn’t get herself out of bed the day after the election–she missed observing at a school. My 86 year old mother was practically foaming at the mouth. Most of NYC seemed to have a giant cloud over it. So your D’s were not alone. I am still in a mild state of disbelief.
I would not brand your D’s snowflakes if it’s meant to show their fragility–only their beauty.
Uh, I’m impressed that you have a successful college freshman who’s only 16 and a sophomore who’s only 15, and that’s before I heard what lovely, sensitive humans they sound like. I’m with the commenter who said they didn’t melt. Life is challenging. This week has been way-out-of-the-ordinary challenging for a lot of us. Sounds to me like you’re all doing really well. My best to you and them.
That is how I “understood” the 15 and 16…and they would be old enough to vote. Glad they are on the upswing…it is one of many elections they will experience. I forget sometimes that first time voters haven’t experienced the back and forths of the presidency, Congress and House. I remember being sad after my first presidential elections when “my guy” didn’t win…maybe not to the point that this generation is exhibiting, but definitely I was sad.
My heart goes out to your D’s. Like others, I don’t see them as “snowflakes” at all; I think you were just using a rhetorical flourish and didn’t mean it as belittling. They sound like strong, empathetic young women. My S and D, older than yours, are struggling too, even as they go about their jobs. Hugs to you.
And no one else should be concerned? I don’t get this. It’s not as if decisions made at this level do not affect us or our children every single day. It’s not as if there haven’t been many decisions made which would or would have affected them in, like, negative ways. I find the fact that S and D are concerned to be a good sign of their involvement as opposed to some complacent “oh well, so it goes” attitude.
I agree with JPgranier 100%. Not sure why there is so much fear among young people. What I think is interesting is that on 9/11 and the day after, when we, as a country, were truly under attack, no one cancelled school. No one cancelled exams. No one served hot chocolate, and play dough for the students. Yet, we had been physically brutalized that day. Three thousand innocent people died that day. However, life went on as usual. Yet, if there was ever a day to stay home and be scared that was the time. So for me, all this crying is just ridiculous. Grow up! The election is a competition. Someone will win and someone will lose. Granted, it was an upset. But how very pompous of anyone to think they “have the race in the bag” before they have actually crossed the finish line. This is our democracy. The rules were followed. The race was fair. MOVE ON! Instead of crying and wasting time, if you want to change things than start NOW. Be proactive. But crying will get you no where.
I’m pretty concerned about a lot of things, including our plant and environment. And it’s not my first presidential election rodeo.
If you think that the day after 9/11 people weren’t modifying their schedules, lesson plans, etc - at work, at school, and elsewhere, than you are either forgetting or revising history.
Here’s just one reason: because millions of girls and young women, who have either been victims of sexual harassment/assault or have heard horror stories from those who have, will soon have as their president a person who models this abhorrent behavior.