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<p>Part of that on my end is having had to deal with the worst from a few bi-polar acquaintances and friends and knowing my own limitations and keeping my distance for the sake of my own mental health. </p>
<p>Another factor is the OP mentioned fighting against her own mother to the point she broke her own wrist. </p>
<p>Sorry, but being concerned for one’s mental health, living situation and physical safety doesn’t necessarily mean one is a bad judgmental person.</p>
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<p>Sseamom, I want to add to what you wrote: divorce is a very lengthy, expensive and exhausting process. That is probably the main reason the woman is still formally married to the alcoholic loser.</p>
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<p>Not maybe, the well-fed and smug DO date before a divorce too.</p>
<p>I’ve been diagnosed bi-polar, ( amongst other things) and I feel much better without psych meds. ( also more likely that I was misdiagnosed), so just throwing that out there.
[Medicine’s</a> big new battleground: does mental illness really exist?](<a href=“http://m.guardiannews.com/society/2013/may/12/medicine-dsm5-row-does-mental-illness-exist]Medicine’s”>Medicine's big new battleground: does mental illness really exist? | Mental health | The Guardian)</p>
<p>[Shrinks</a>, critics face off over psychiatric manual - Lifestyle - Boston.com](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/2013/05/15/shrinks-critics-face-off-over-psychiatric-manual/Oc0E67W3EBVs0emezb2YUL/story.html]Shrinks”>http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/health/2013/05/15/shrinks-critics-face-off-over-psychiatric-manual/Oc0E67W3EBVs0emezb2YUL/story.html)</p>
<p>To the OP: bless you for taking them in, even for a night.</p>
<p>If I were in your position, I would take things one day, one step at a time. Encourage the woman to get what help she can and your son to maintain open communication with you. I am so thankful those kids have you and your son in their lives right now.</p>
<p>sseamom, I would love the names of the organizations you refer to. Please pm me with the info. Your description of your friend was very helpful, I have no experience with bipolar disease and obviously need to learn more about it in order to better understand this situation. I also want to be clear that I am not judging her - only the quality of the relationship she and my son have. There is no possible way I could understand what her situation is, I only have compassion for her. I will say this: she has two of the sweetest most charming children I have ever met. I give her lots of credit for them.</p>
<p>"divorce is a very lengthy, expensive and exhausting process. That is probably the main reason the woman is still formally married to the alcoholic loser. "</p>
<p>Yes, exactly. One of the families we work with is actually a woman who fled a terrible domestic violence situation (both her and the children were being beaten). Although she was credentialed in her home country, here she works in a fast-food restaurant because her degree THERE means nothing HERE. She doesn’t have money for an attorney and her ex doesn’t care one way or the other. Meanwhile she’s met a good, kind, church-going man who is a better father to her kids than the one related to them ever was. They consider themselves married even though apparently, they wouldn’t be welcome to some here.</p>
<p>My own uncomplicated divorce still took several years. By then my ex lived in another state and was living with someone. For what reason should I have waited until then to even go out to dinner with another man?</p>
<p>I’m just saying…
About her not taking meds (since it keeps coming up)-- meds for bi-polar disorder are EXTREMELY expensive (no insurance? $300 bucks/month and that’s not high end–add in doctor’s appointments too for good measure). And have a LOT of side effects. Depending on the medication (if you actually get diagnosed correctly–and there is a lot of misdiagnosing) they can turn you into a living zombie. Imagine being tired to the point of sleep ALL the time or in a constant fog state (which is a major cause of refusal to take meds–very hard to work as you can imagine) and have two little kids to take care of.</p>
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<p>Here’s a qucik short link, just to get through today:
[NAMI</a> | What is Bipolar Disorder?](<a href=“http://www.nami.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Mental_Illnesses/Bipolar1/Home_-_What_is_Bipolar_Disorder_.htm]NAMI”>http://www.nami.org/Content/NavigationMenu/Mental_Illnesses/Bipolar1/Home_-_What_is_Bipolar_Disorder_.htm)</p>
<p>NAMI is an excellent resource. Gouf-my friend has the opposite problem at times-the inability to sleep at ALL. Another problem she’s run into is that the meds that worked best also caused her to put on a huge amount of weight, to the point that she developed high blood pressure and other weight-related problems. So her choice was to go on MORE meds to alleviate the side-effects of THOSE meds, change the meds and hope the new ones worked as well, or go off them. She’s opting, for now, to add BP meds to the insomnia meds and the bipolar meds. And yes, they’re very expensive. It’s a vicious circle.</p>
<p>The young lady does not have insurance, and I suspect that even when she did have some insurance, her medical care has been spotty and subpar, so I would take the diagnosis with a grain of salt. The things that she is dealing with, according to what’s been written here, would put even a mentally stable person into a tailspin. </p>
<p>A side note: I hope she is really legally separated from the loser husband and does not have any joint credit or bank accounts with him, because his actions could put her into a deep financial hole.</p>
<p>Damaris, the amount of involvement you put into the situation should be something you think long and hard about, and maybe talk to a therapist. I’ve known a number of families who have found them selves in similar situations. Sometimes it works out, sometime the relationship comes to a natural end, and sometimes it’s a disaster for all involved. IMO, it’s best to keep a bit of a distance so that if things get rocky, you can provide the shelter from the storm for your son. As our young adult children’s lives get more complicated, it’s often wise to pick and choose ones involvement, as it’s easy to get burned oneself, and you can’t help as much as a casualty.</p>
<p>Damaris - Be careful. You may find the woman to be very skilled at manipulating people and acting the victim is a huge part of that. It concerns me that you took her in. I understand and agree that the kids need to be cared for but you could be putting yourself in a terrible situation without realizing it.</p>
<p>Just be careful being sucked into the potential emotional black hole. Somebody has to stand on the outside and remain a semblance of objective. You can end up wanting to help while your son is looking for a way out. First and foremost support your son.</p>