No, he does not have trouble remembering routes. The school is 20 minutes away on a good day and 45 minutes away on a bad day. There are not frequent road closures and detours, but certain routes get him to school faster on certain times of day.
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True!
I have taken a look at his search history on his personal laptop. Between 8:05 and 9:00 he was on Google Classroom and Google Drive, then from 9:00 to 9:05 he was on the “Discord | #general | Mathematics” gamer chat, from 9:05 to 10:00 he was on Google Classroom, Google Drive, and his online PDF textbook, from 10:00 to 10:05 he was on Wikipedia pages, from 10:05 to 11:00 the same Google Classroom, Google Drive, and online PDF textbook… you get the idea.
He has told me that he works for 55 minutes and then takes a 5 minute break. He might be using the Incognito, though. It’s difficult to say. He has the Steam gaming app, but he only has one game, Football Manager 24, of which he has spent 40 hours playing.
What advice are you looking for?
That he’ll get into college? He will.
That he shouldn’t use the computer as much? Probably should
That he should study more? No
That he should participate in class more? seems these teachers will only give him higher grades if he does, but are higher grades necessary?
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It sounds that he has difficulty to write and express himself. Does he need to be prompted to come up with ideas?
I am not sure it is symptom of anything, but my one child had difficulty to write about anything except things that he loved (book, game, topic etc.) He is also math /technical oriented.
My other kid is amazing at creative writing but will struggle with any assigned writing so we were avoiding humanities as much as possible in school and college (she is amazing reader with very broad vocabulary and was reading one thick book a day all her childhood. I am not exaturating, we had to hide books from her.)
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None of us know your son. We are all giving ideas and suggestions…spinning round and round without any results.
I would continue to have him evaluated and would speak with the neuropsychologist.
If you choose not to continue with the evaluations…that is your choice. He can still go to college.
If he cannot come up with ideas to talk about or discuss…that could be seen as another red flag….again, depending. We don’t know the whole picture. The social issues are another concern.
He does not need a graduate degree to get an interesting job solving problems as an adult!
I honestly don’t know what is going on with your son, but for a kid who is struggling socially, your posts seem to focus on academics to an extreme extent. I would be MUCH more concerned about his interactions with actual people and much less concerned about a very bright kid who gets B’s and A’s. He isn’t doing as well as you except in HS and you’re already worrying about grad school? Give the kid a break!!
Dial it back. I asked before…what does your family do for fun? Where do you spend a free Sunday? How do you celebrate his birthday? Does he have cousins and do they get to hang out?
I’m sensing a hyper focus on his early giftedness which seems to have allowed his social skills to stagnate. A kid who reads early needs all the other things little kids need…even if he’s hanging out with kids who aren’t as precocious intellectually. Town tennis lessons? Arts and crafts at the Y? Little League? This is how kids learn to get along with other people.
Can he get a job at the local diner this summer? Wiping counters at a frozen yogurt stand???
And I’d put an end to marathon homework sessions starting today. What an exercise in frustration and boredom and feeling lousy about yourself. He’s not learning “grit”…he’s learning that he’s inferior somehow and needs fixing.
Is he helpful around the house? Can he help Grandma clean out her attic next weekend?
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this is reason enough to use Google maps every day for an hour.
FYI, my D24 does the same, only she’s an iPhone person, so she uses the iPhone equivalent of Google maps. Even for routes that she takes all the time, especially when driving to school.
WHY?
Because, like your son, it could be a 30 min drive or 45 min or if there’s a bad accident on the freeway, 60 min. And D24 isn’t entirely familiar yet with all of the multiple alternate routes.
I think that the reason why people keep asking about the Google maps screen time is because of the way you’ve been talking about it here…it’s sort of made it sound like your son, when he is NOT driving, looks at Google maps for fun for an hour a day. And THAT is a rather unusual activity.
BUT, using Google maps as navigation while you’re in a car is pretty normal. And would NOT count as ‘screen time’ to the average person.
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Can he carpool with someone else in the neighborhood? Some light conversation during a half hour drive???
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Ok, so he’s super into math. Is there something like a math club at school? If yes, he should join it next school year if he hasn’t already.
Does he like playing DND? If yes, there are groups his age who he could play online with. Doesn’t even have to be in person…that’s what my niece does (she’s finishing up 10th grade). All of her DND friends are super nerdy and into non-traditional interests like her. And by ‘non-traditional,’ I mean not the sort of student who’s into going to football games, school dances, being on the cheerleading squad, etc.
Are you based in the US or another country? All of our answers & responses above will tend to be from an American point of view. The school/academic culture can sometimes be different elsewhere, which is why I’m asking.
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Scratch my previous question about if you’re based in the US. You mentioned in an earlier reply about Wisconsin, so I’m going to assume you’re in the US.
Chess. Maybe there is a club. Great for math/ analytics. Sorta social and nerdy but you don’t even have to talk to anyone. Lol. Lots of introverted kids. But put these introverted mathy kids in the same room and they explode (in a good way). He can even try Chess.com. You can choose to interact with the person your playing live and can play against a computer to get your skills up.
Also for people here, internet gaming isn’t that bad. My son did this for year’s. Mostly football or baseball online “live” leagues that play in real-time… It’s actually very “social”. He has met many people “live” now that he is older (25). Kids these days use the internet for social endeavors. But of course it would be great to have socialization live. I agree with any job and one that has interaction with people. Bagging at the local grocery store. Etc.
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Here is another problem that I see. You claim that your son likes math. But it does not look that he took AP math (no AP classes after 9th grade). So he did not take Calc yet. It is likely he may not like advanced Math…
Again my DS enjoyed math more than anything else (was 2 grades above), but lost interest eventually. He was much more intrested in CS once he started programming.
So try not to lock your child into anything.
CS does not require graduate school. However there is overproduction of CS majors now (unless you are in Cybersecurity that often requires certification).
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May I ask why?
This is, IMO, perhaps indicative of a problem that has more to do with you than with him. Suppose he was in incognito mode? All of that minutiae doesn’t tell us much, other than every 5 minutes, on the dot, he was “using” those documents. He wrote on his Google doc for exactly 5 minutes?
My honest and untrained opinion, especially given the assessment by professionals, is that it seems your child needs time away from his computer more than anything else. There is no reason at all he needs to spend 16 hours doing homework on the weekend. That is beyond unreasonable and it is surprising he hasn’t rebelled. Or maybe he has, and you don’t know it. Tell him he has 2 hours to complete weekend homework, per day. Turn off his computer. Make him do something else. You are his parent and you can set limits.
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There are a lot of things about this kid that remind me of my oldest.
It was clear from a very young age that he wouldn’t have much academic struggle. We were far more concerned about his social and emotional development.
Other than ensuring that he was in appropriate schools and courses, we darn near ignored his academics. Instead we focused intensely on trying to help him improve his emotional and social intelligence. We kept a close eye on his relationships with others. We work hard to help him nurture his friendships (he has amazing friends). We are very blunt with him about social rules and mores. We pushed him out of his comfort zone (appropriately) to get his first job.
He’s thriving in college though he’s still lonely there. We continue to hassle him about getting involved in social activities in college. He schedules meetings to talk with his career advisor way more often than the average underclassman, because he values her advice on his soft skills.
After that description, it might not surprise anyone that he’s autistic. He’s not embarrassed at all about it, and embraces it with pride, but only people close to him even know. The psychologist who diagnosed him told us we had done all the right things, and to keep doing those things.
But even if he didn’t have that label, his specific strengths and challenges require a very different approach than the one we’ve taken with our other child that has super high social intelligence (but has other challenges). Regardless of any labels or diagnoses (which can be so helpful), your kid has a set of strengths and challenges that can be supported by those who care for him.
This kid’s academics aren’t all that concerning in my opinion. Maybe there’s something going on with the lower than expected grades, who knows? But they’re high enough. There are other things about this kid that seem way more concerning to me.
It’s okay if he is just an introverted guy who mostly socializes with his online friends. But his life is just not in balance. I think he should get his nose out of the books, get out of the house more, and engage in some other things that will bring him joy and fulfillment. That’s why I suggest a job; it checks a lot of boxes. I also agree with other posters that the academic grind should be dialed way back. Can he find some teenage fun?
ETA: I notice in your original post that you say he has cried from “bad” grades. We noticed early signs of anxiety around grades and scholastic performance with our eldest and were very concerned about it (started around 2nd grade). He was shaking and almost crying at a normal parent-teacher meeting, worried that he was somehow not meeting expectations (he was, and beyond)! It was heartbreaking.
We aggressively gave him the opposite messaging. We emphasized that we didn’t care about grades at all, as long as he was being kind and respectful to others, and was working reasonably hard and learning in school. We never even said “do your best” because he was such a disaster about the whole thing. We explained that grades are often, but not always, a reflection of what you’ve learned. You can’t be perfect, and you’ll have to drop balls somewhere – just be strategic about the balls you drop, and do it according to your values and priorities. Our kids know they don’t need to attend college if that’s not what they want.
Even despite that, it wasn’t until about 7th grade that he settled down and stopped freaking out about his grades (though he still got all As). I don’t even know what he would have been like had we pushed him. Perhaps like me, who had a nervous breakdown my senior year and didn’t attend college until years later when I was married? I hope your son feels good about himself and his abilities and his performance in school – he sounds like a great kid.
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This just caused a weird idea to jump into my head. It might be totally off base, but I just thought that it is worth mentioning.
I had a good friend in high school who was very smart. He had a sister who did really well in some classes, and quite badly in other classes. She was very good learning from a textbook, but spotty learning in class. No one could figure out why. It did not seem to depend upon the subject. She had no idea why. Eventually they figured it out.
She was hard of hearing. She had, without being aware of it, become very good at lip reading. In those classes where the teacher always faced the class, she did well. She could follow the conversation along in spite of the fact that she was without knowing it lip reading to help her follow what was being said. In classes where the teacher would face the board and talk while writing on the board, she did much worse.
She got hearing aids. She started doing well in all of her classes.
Just something to check out.
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You say he took AP classes as a freshman and struggled - that’s normal. AP classes are NOT designed for freshmen, except perhaps AP Human Geography.
The fact he struggled in AP classes as a freshman shouldn’t be preventing him from taking AP classes as a junior and senior. Considering his IQ, he’s likely bored in class and not paying close attention due to what is, to him, glacial pace and obvious questions/answers.
What’s his current schedule?
I would suggest having him take Ap calc BC, AP CSA, and Physics C next year. If for him solving quant problems is fun, then these 3 classes will be fun. If he’s not taken the proper background classes, enroll him in Art of Problem solving classes, he should enjoy these very much.
Add the usual core classes (English, History/social science, world language) at honors level.
Then add Math club, Chess club, D&D club…
In any case the 8 hours of weekend hw MUST stop.
Fun activity or family activity on Saturday only (if he’s a perfectionist, doing hw 1st/fun 2nd means the "fun"part never happens).
Ask him to get a job a couple hours a week. Even 4 or 5 hours if some place will have him for that little.
Switch the focus away from grades and school work.
Seconding the idea his hearing should be checked, just in case.
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This can be a sign of an audio processing disorder. It can look like, or be concomitant with, ADHD. Does he prefer to watch TV/movies with closed captioning? Find it difficult to follow conversations in a crowd? This is something that would need to be evaluated by an audiologist; it would not be assessed in a neuropsych eval.
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An audiologist who is experienced in administering and interpreting the tests for auditory processing disorder…AND has the necessary equipment to do these assessments. This is not something any audiologist can do.
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A qualified audiologist can diagnose auditory processing disorders. They need to be qualified.
This student reportedly prefers to learn through textbooks and has difficulty following his teachers.
The language of his textbooks might be more concrete, concrete examples, organized to his liking etc.
We do not know his teachers…and how they teach. He may have difficulty understanding the nuances of any stories they share while teaching, use of humor, etc. The language that his teachers use may be different than the language of his textbooks.