<p>I’m going to take the opposite opinion here.</p>
<p>We’re talking about a ~20 year old here right? It seems like we keep extending adolescence and parental involvement. A 20 year-old, living on their own, should not have to ask parental permission to have pet. (Consult, sure - but once parents have said this is not a great idea and we’re not willing to pet sit, they should back out.)</p>
<p>My goodness, a 20 year-old can marry and have children. Learning has to start sometime and we all seem to learn better from our own life experiences than from others.</p>
<p>"We’re talking about a ~20 year old here right? It seems like we keep extending adolescence and parental involvement. A 20 year-old, living on their own, should not have to ask parental permission to have pet. "</p>
<p>True – if the 20-year-old doesn’t expect the parents to take care of their pet or pay medical, etc. expenses for their pet. Unfortunately, many 20-year-olds would be expecting the parents to take care of their pet when the 20-year-old goes out of town. The 20-year-old also may be expecting their parents to pay their pets’ medical expenses.</p>
<p>If the 20-year-old is still depending on their parents for an allowance or other costs related to college, and if the 20-year-old is, for instance, living at home over the summer, then the 20-year-old isn’t living independently enough to take full responsibility for a pet.</p>
<p>I see what you mean, notready, but I would give the same advice to anyone (no matter what their age), facing the changes in lifestyle and residency that college students and recent grads usually face.</p>
<p>Right. I understand having different opinions and offering advice. Setting boundaries on your time committments and your home are all part of how adults deal with each other. </p>
<p>I think once the parents make this clear (and stick by this - i.e. no plans to pay vet bills, for example), then they should step back and let go. </p>
<p>The dog owners will learn and make whatever arrangements are needed - or not. If these students have grown into the kinds of people who abandon pets then there is nothing the parents can do at this late date to change them.</p>
<p>“The dog owners will learn and make whatever arrangements are needed - or not. If these students have grown into the kinds of people who abandon pets then there is nothing the parents can do at this late date to change them.”</p>
<p>Oh right…let your kids have babies and get pets and just abandon them or neglect them when they become too much trouble. How can a parent sit back and let their kids learn a lesson at another being’s expense? It would be irresponsible!</p>
<p>Oh, sure. That’s a parental privilege that we’ve earned. :-)</p>
<p>Back to the decision on the pet, though. My point was that this was not a parental decision - once the parents had weighed in on their opinions. </p>
<p>I remember clearly the point in my life when I felt that I, and not my parents, were responsible for my decisions. It was liberating and a bit sobering. I wish that experience for all young adults - the sooner the better.</p>
<p>Although we hope our children will grow into responsible adults, if mine were to do something irresponsible at the expense of another being, I know I couldn’t sit back and watch. I’d pitch in and try to make the situation right. That’s just me tho. Those of us who do volunteer work for animals and people who have been neglected and abandoned by loved ones are taking on the responsibility of the irresponsible. If we assume this responsibility for those we’ve never even met, we should certainly do it for our children.</p>
<p>I’m not coimg at this from the same direction though. I am afraid we are doing more dis-service to our young people by not expecting enough of them. Mom and Dad will always be there to clean up after them. </p>
<p>Looking back in the past, our parents and grandparents were certainly expected to be adults responsible for themselves in their late teens and early 20’s. Our kids are made of the same stuff - we should keep our expectations of them high.</p>
<p>I definitely agree with you that we should keep our expectations high for our children and hope for the best. I also hope we wouldn’t let anyone/anything suffer at their hands either.</p>
I think the OP was just asking for opinions and would just state her own opinion to her son - it’s not about making the decision for the son. IMO - the mere fact that he’s considering it means he’s not looking at all the aspects of pet ownership he should. I’m glad he’s asking his parents’ opinion.</p>
<p>But let’s be real - getting a dog at this stage in most people’s lives has a high probability of falling on the parents’ backs in having to end up taking care of the dog, the dog will end up back at the pound, or the dog will not get the attention it needs. In this case a caring person (the OP) is able to look at the reality and is concerned about what’s best for the dog.</p>
<p>But if the son is truly independent then the foot doesn’t matter. If he’s not, then the foot might just mean that the OP won’t be dog-sitting/vet-paying when requested.</p>
<p>“No. What would be irresponsible is to raise children who have not already received this lesson by age 20.”</p>
<p>I think that many college students wouldn’t be aware of the full ramifications of owning a pet at their age. They wouldn’t be aware of how expensive health care is for a pet. They also wouldn’t be aware that having a pet could be difficult to care for after leaving college and while working a fulltime job that may even involve travel. They also may not know that many apartments, etc. don’t allow rentors to own pets.</p>
<p>If they go home for the summer as do many college students, they may have the courtesy to realize that it wouldn’t be appropriate to bring their pet with them unless they’d first gotten their parents’ permission. If their parents wouldn’t allow their pet, that would probably make it difficult or impossible for the student to own a pet.</p>
<p>As I’ve stated, my mother ended up with a dog in college, and my gradparents did help, they took her one whole summer actually, they had their own dog at the time too. Since I’m ready for college now, this was obviously some time ago and my parents didn’t have me real young either so factor that in. </p>
<p>My mother is very responsible but it is also hard to start a career and move around, and have a dog. The fact is, she would have made it work out anyway, but this was an easier solution for everyone. There is nothing - nothing - wrong with accepting support from people in your life who offer it when you need help with a situation. And at 20, those people are probably going to be your parents. Therefore, you would expect they would have some advice or points to bring up now. Such as, we cannot handle two dogs at this time, so factor that in - we are not sure of the extent of support we can provide you for the first few years as you work things out. This may affect your decision. Or, we do have the ability to help on occasion, so that may remove some of your doubts. This is actually responsible IMO as it is creating a fallback plan in the (hopefully unlikely) event that you may fail the animal. What happens if her son breaks his leg? Sustains an even more serious injury? If he truly has no one in his life able to help out, this would be a factor in such a decision, as he would have no back up plan to assure the animal had <em>easy</em> access to proper care. </p>
<p>When he gets older, and is farther from his parents, these backup plans will fall to other people - the best friend for decades since college, the siblings who are also established, the spouse, help in ways from their own older kids. But at 20 you don’t have all those close people in your life who are established in a stable situation. Being 20 is not a stable situation where you are typically in the same position for years to come. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to have a dog, but if you don’t have a fallback plan with people (and at this stage, it’s really only parents who have this establishment) who are in a good situation, then it is not a good idea IMO. Like I said if I got a dog my parents would probably help should the need come to that, but I am very responsible, have worked with animals for years now, and know exactly what I’m getting into. I would hope I wouldn’t need very much help because I would want to enjoy the full experience of my dog. But if it came to accepting help in the summer from my parents, or getting rid of my dog, I would do what my mother and grandparents did years ago with no shame whatsoever.</p>
<p>In my family, pets and children become part of the extended family network. When my kids were growing up, I would never have thought twice about leaning on my parents for help babysitting- with both my kids and the animals. And that’s the way it will be between my kids and myself. It’s like once you become part of our clan (the “circle of trust”), you can’t get out! :)</p>
<p>Anyway, I think the dog thing has died down a little. Supposedly his roommate will have a dog when school starts and son can get his fill. Thanks to everyone for the great advise and perspective. </p>
<p>I have to admit, he would have had me at hello if he had wanted a cute little lap dog.</p>