<p>Woodwork, I do appreciate your acceptance of the integrity of what I’ve said about my D; I’m not sure that’s widespread here.</p>
<p>She’s back in Brooklyn from her visit home, so I can’t run by her your comments about men, but I do know that she felt that those who went to this event did behave like, well, gentlemen. there’s a definite peer pressure to do so. The guys who went to her school do on the whole choose to subscribe to a mindset about women which is, perhaps, out of the norm. </p>
<p>Sure, evolutionary psychology gurus say that men and women are programmed to behave in particular ways, but I think the neat thing about civilization is that we’ve learned a million ways to get beyond that. As a woman, I find that a good thing. I’m glad that the men in my life don’t think they can wield power over me because they’re physically stronger, or tht I need to be barefoot and bringing up kids as my sole reason for being.</p>
<p>So, do I believe that all thoughts of sex leave the heads of these young men? No, probably not. Do I think that they by and large learn to deal with this and behave appropriately? yeah, I would like to, you know?</p>
<p>If I remember correctly, a couple of years ago, Mather House at Harvard held a Mather Lather (now, apparently, a tradition). The chief complaint, according to the Crimson, was that the foam produced itches!</p>
<p>Sigh. Mather House is supposedly the “mathy house.”</p>
<p>Regarding the HM “foam” party … there seems to me to be something not quite right about the naked couples going full at it in crowded public while slip-sliding amidst the foam and goo and slop and vomit … but being the liberal northeastern pc parent that I am, I can’t quite put my finger on it …</p>
<p>Actually, I kind of like the idea of a gathering where the college aged participants are required by social pressure to behave with fairly scrupulous propriety while naked in a group at a party. “If you can keep your head when all around you…” Yeah - that’s college for you.</p>
<p>Hah! There ya go B! I have never said a word to either S regarding Naked Parties and don’t plan on starting. That might count as ‘encouraging’. Dunno.</p>
<p>But I have told both Ss they may NOT have gfs sleep over OR accept invitations to sleep over at gf’s house. I actively discourage quasi-marriage relationships before their time. Teen-age breakups are messy enough without involving a web of familial relationships–so says me anyway. To each her own.</p>
<p>From my perspective, 22 years into it, there is PLENTY of time to be married :eek:. Let those kiddies find the back seat and the park and all those hidden moments–albeit with birth control and protection.</p>
<p><em>lol</em> cheers…in our house, they camp on the living room floor with all the rugrats! No quasi-marriage here…unless it’s “married…WITH CHILDREN”, and LOTS of 'em! ~b.</p>
<p>Let’s remember there is a huge cultural component at work here.</p>
<p>When I lived in Paris in the early '80’s, there was this swimming pool-barge docked on the Seine called Piscine Deligny. It was an anthropoligists dream-- absolutely hilarous and weird.</p>
<p>Packed like sardines with oiled-up and nearly nekkid french business people every lunch hour during summer (after 2:00 just the artists and unemployed were left). Every top was off. Many, many thongs-- and plenty on people who should never have worn them. One’s towel mere centimeters from one’s neighbor’s towel. Mirrors everywhere and french egoistes boldly and overtly checking themselves out from every conceivable angle in them.</p>
<p>Cheers, I’d split the difference with you: D may not invite any b/f for an overnight here at home, what she manages to concoct on her time/planet is her own business…I was taken slightly off-guard a couple of months ago when I got e-mail from a friend saying that D had arrived safely in NYC despite the rain…I had no idea she was <em>going</em> to NYC.
Ergo.</p>
<p>I’m actually not concerned much about her judgment or her tastes. Beyond that, I suppose some don’t ask/don’t tell is operating. Which beats my first g/f in college, who called her Mom and announced “We finally did it!” I was mortified.</p>
<p>I have to admit that I am puzzled by this “don’t ask - don’t tell” policy that is so prevalent in American families. If you know that your children are having sex, and they know that you know it, why is it good to pretend that it’s not happening? Is it really better that they “find the back seat and the park and all those hidden moments”?</p>
<p>What if they need help or advise? Isn’t it better to have the lines of communication open, so they can come to you and ask for help without having to overcome an additional barrier of “confessing” that they are sexually active? There can be sex-related health an emotional problems that are not STD or pregnancy-related, and most kids are clueless and helpless about it. At least you’d know that they are getting their information from a reliable source.</p>
<p>I know my kids have had sex, I make sure they know how to keep themselves healthy in that context, I discuss their emotional health as well, but I sure as h*** don’t want to know the details! But then, mykids are juniors in college; I’m sure I felt differently three years ago.</p>
<p>ITA dmd
My D in college is 23- we talk about situations sometimes- either things in the paper or incidents with her friends/ her sisters friends.
The communication is certainly open- however I don’t need to know details. My MOTHER shares more with me than I want to know :p: - while I would not be freaked out if my daughter shared that she attended a naked party- I believe that her personal life- is HER personal life.
She is an adult she has many tools to get information
as far as that goes, I had many tools to get information when I was in high school , I certainly wasnt’ going to get it from my parents.</p>
<p>I don’t mean that you have to (or want to) know all the details of their sex life. But if your child has a steady GF/BF in college that comes to visit over the break, why not let them sleep in the same room, if you both know that they sleep together at college all the time? (I can see that you would want to avoid it if there are young siblings in the house, but otherwise “no sex before marriage in my house (but OK on the back seat of the car)” seems silly to me.)</p>
<p>I thought the naked slip and slide to wash it all off was more out there.
Painting yourself blue and screaming like a banshee is “historical”.;)</p>