<p>I’m a good kid, but I made a really stupid decision Saturday night. I went to a party and had too much to drink and ended up in the emergency room (luckily i didn’t end up getting a report filed for underage drinking!). They had to call my mom to get consent to treat me and needless to say, my mom isn’t too happy.</p>
<p>Sunday afternoon I got the dreaded phone call from my mom asking how I was and lecturing me about how stupid my decision was. She threatened to pull all financial help and not even cosign for me to get student loans. This will end up being my last semester in college if she holds true to her word. She said that she isn’t even willing to give me my old job at our family business back. You’d think that she’d be happy that I insisted that I be taken to the ER, despite the fact that insurance probably won’t pay for it, because after all I am alive and responsible enough to go there.</p>
<p>Ever since my dad died, my brother has kinda tried to fill those shoes. I begged my mom not to tell him, but she did anyways. My brother is seriously 10x worse than my mom when it comes to this stuff. Last night, I got a text from him saying that we need to talk when I get a chance. I really don’t want to talk to him about it and I wish he’d lay off trying to act like a parent to me. I just don’t know what to say to him. I’m so tempted to tell him that I refuse to talk to him about it and I won’t talk to him until he drops it.</p>
<p>I already am worried about dealing with my family on this topic, but I’ve been hanging around with a sorority I’m interested in rushing for. Well, some of them showed up at that party and let’s just say that it wasn’t exactly something good that they saw and they immedietly turned around and left. Well the girl that I’m closest to says that I need to apologize and explain to everyone that was there or else they probably won’t end up voting me in. I really want to join, but I just don’t know what to say and I can’t mention the hospital (the police officer would loose his job and the school would have to be notified which would mean i can’t get into pharmacy school). Would something along the lines of “I’m sorry you saw XXXXXX. That was a one time deal. I had too much to drink and I swear I will be more responsible from now on and it won’t happen again” work? I just feel awkward explaining to people who maybe don’t even remember the night (I already said it to one girl and she didn’t remember any of it). They don’t associate themselves with partying hard and if you ever remove an article of clothing at a party then you’re kicked out (in my defense it had to be taken off).</p>
<p>It was just a really bad night and I wish it would just go away. I’ve learned a huge lesson from this and I’m going to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Does anyone have any advice about how to deal with any of this or what to say to the people?</p>
<p>Look, you messed up just like lots of other students mess up in a similar way. It doesn’t sound like it was a very pleasant experience for you so hopefully that’ll influence your decisions in the future. Remember that you have to exercise the appropriate decisions ‘before’ you’ve had enough drinks to seriously cloud you decision-making abilities and good sense (the downfall for many of the partiers). </p>
<p>Since you messed up you know you’re in for the lectures from your family. I suggest you just suck it up and agree with the points they’ll raise (probably repeatedly) that you actually agree with which will probably be at least most of them. Talk to your bro - tell him you know you messed up, it was a very unpleasant experience, and you have no plans to repeat it. It might be best to not alienate him on this. People will get past this unless there’s a repeat. Consider it part of your pennance.</p>
<p>btw - I’m glad you or someone else had the good sense for you to end up in the ER rather than trying to ‘sleep it off’. That was smart.</p>
<p>As for the sorority- I would contact someone (your main contact there) and say that you want to apologize for having too much to drink. Perhaps that person can forward your message (or email). You can say it was really out of character for you and won’t happen again. After that, it’s up to them. This may be a consequence that you can’t avoid.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree that it is good you wound up in the ER instead of dead. I hope your mother and brother can understand that and be thankful, even in the midst of their anger. They want to keep you safe and want you to make good decisions for yourself. That’s what we are all about as parents!</p>
<p>You may be able to get over this with your mom and family but not the sorority. They make lists of who is naughty and nice. You are not on the nice list sorry.</p>
<p>You made a big mistake - we all make them sometimes. You are one of the lucky ones - you are still alive and you were lucky enough to not get a police report filed. The important thing now is how you handle the mistake and how you learn from it. It sounds like you have learned something. But you also need to handle the consequences and part of the that is talking to openly and honestly to your family about it. Being on the defensive and refusing to talk to them gives the impression that you have not learned anything from this. As ucla dad said - you need to suck it up and deal with your family’s very understandable reaction. </p>
<p>It sounds like you have a family that cares very much about you. You are very lucky. Try and put yourself in their shoes and how you would feel if one of them put themselves in a dangerous situation that might have left you dealing with the grief of losing one of them. </p>
<p>Agree with MomofWildChild about the sorority. You can only apologize. If they decide that you cannot join the sorority then that is a consequence of your actions and really a very small one compared to what could have happened - such as possible death or a MIP charge that could have severely affected your career opportunities down the road.</p>
<p>Now I am going to do an annoying Mom thing and post a link the movie trailer for hazethemovie - while the movie is mainly about hazing it is also happens to be about one of a CCs poster’s best friends who died from alcohol poisoning 3 weeks into his freshman year of college. It is so sad and just senseless but really is an eye opener. I sent it to my daughter which I am sure irritated her but I asked her to watch it as I think it really is important and I am asking you to watch it also.</p>
<p>I’m glad you ended up in the ER and not dead - or pregnant - or in jail - or any number of awful things that happen when you drink too much. Now that you have learned your lesson, prove it by being a woman and taking your lumps with your family. </p>
<p>The very best thing you can do is to “fall on your sword” because folks are a lot less likely to want to shove one into you when you do. You need to act like an adult (who has suddenly grown up) and call your brother and tell him, “I was such an idiot! I can’t believe I did such a stupid thing. I have really learned my lesson! I feel terrible about worrying Mom like that. I’ll never do that again.” said with great feeling and repeated as necessary until he believes you. You know why? Because your family loves you and they don’t want any of those things I mentioned at the top to happen to you. If you refuse to talk to him or act defensive, you will only make him and your mom sure you are out of control. You need them both on your side - you are dependent on your mom and I suspect that she’s relying a lot on your brother’s opinions, too. I know that’s going to be awfully hard to do, but you’ve got to put yourself in their place. What would be your reaction if your brother had gotten so bombed they had to call your mom from the ER??? You’d have been furious with him, wouldn’t you?</p>
<p>Thanks for the advice so far! I know I need to just talk to my brother, but I’m just afraid of what he’s going to say. </p>
<p>huguenot: I do care about my brother and I would be mad if he was in the situation I was in, but I wouldn’t try to play 100 questions. I would be more worried about how he was.</p>
<p>I’m really beginning to wonder what was up that night because I drank wayy less than I normally do yet I was somehow wasted and I don’t really remember much about that night and I think I hallucinated a little bit and I somehow ended up telling the people at the hospital that I didn’t have a functioning liver (my liver is great and I have no clue why I’d tell them something like that). I also acted way out of character (I have drank before and I know how I usually act and this was nothing close to normal!). I was with a lot of guys and I’m kind of beginning to wonder if they maybe put something in my drink.</p>
<p>So I have began to apoligize to the girls in the sorority when I see them. The first one didn’t know what I was talking about until I was like “remember the party you went to and turned right back around and left?” and then she was like “ohh it’s no big deal! You’re fine!”. Then the other girl was like “Really, it’s okay. It’s nothing to be worry about!” and had a really puzzled look on her face. I’m beginning to wonder what is up because my roommate who was there says she didn’t remember anything like the things that girl mentioned happening and she didn’t really have anything to drink. I’m beginning to wonder if that girl made it up or something. I don’t know why she would, but who knows.</p>
<p>OKgirl - Everything you are saying just raise a lot of red flags to me. </p>
<p>Let me just be very frank with you if you want to be a sorority girl, you do not get sloppy. You need to know what is your limit. You do not go to parties by yourself. You go with friends and you ask your friends to look out for you. If you should get sloppy and start taking off any article of your clothing, they are to get you back to your room asap. </p>
<p>You seem to have been a bit sheltered in HS. It is important you start getting a bit street smart. You do not put your drink down or ask someone to hold it for you while you go to the bathroom or dance. You get a new drink. You also do not ask someone you don’t know well to get drinks for you. You don’t share drinks with anyone at a party.</p>
<p>My daughter is a sorority girl. They have a buddy system. They text each other when they are safely home. If they don’t hear from their buddy at a certain time, they will inquire. It is to make sure no one gets left behind. If they have an official social event, there are always a few girls that are required to stay sober to make sure no one makes a fool of themselves.</p>
<p>I would take your lump with your family. You messed up. Your brother has every right to be made at you. I would try to stay clean and get as good of grades as possible. Your mom may change her mind when it time to pay for your spring semester.</p>
<p>I don’t think she would be the first “sorority girl” to get sloppy. I can think of a lot of instances of sloppy drunk sorority girls even back in MY day. Back then we tended to keep our clothes on in public, but hey, it was the 70s…</p>
<p>I’m just glad she’s (the OP) OK and, hopefully, can have a good conversation with her family about this. I have a co-worker whose freshman daughter arrived back at her dorm after a frat party crawling in on all fours (clothes were on, though) and heading for the toilet… Unfortunately, she was intercepted by an RA and had BIG consequences, including the loss of her ROTC scholarship for the next semester. ROTC is even less impressed with sloppy drunks than the sorority might be.</p>
<p>I’m usually not “sloppy”. I have been to a lot of parties and I know my limit, which I definitely didn’t get close to, which leads me to believe something was wrong.</p>
<p>UPDATE: So I talked to my mom again and she doesn’t seem as mad. I told her a lot more tonight and we actually had a good conversation. I think that she just needed some time to calm down and think about things. I hope the same will happen with my brother, so I will probably try calling him tomorrow night. So far the other sorority girls have been pretty nice about it (after I finished telling them, they actually were like “hey we really want you to come rush”), but we’ll see how they really feel about me when I rush!</p>
<p>While I am not encouraging college students to drink, the above information concerning watching you drink needs to be heard loud and clear. While a freshman, my SON somehow ended up with a drink meant for a girl. He had a drink in hand, and a female friend had him hold her drink for a few minutes; I don’t remember why he was holding her drink. For whatever reason, he ended up drinking her drink which was in a red cup while his drink was in a blue cup. He doesn’t remember how he got back to the dorm; but his friends found him on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet, with no clothes on!! The kids all thought back to the party and figured out the drink he was holding must have had something in it. At the time he had not had much to drink, and I am sorry to say he had been know to drink before. He is absolutely sure he had not had too much to drink at the time and said he was not drinking on an empty stomach.</p>
<p>We joke about who wanted to get him in bed that night!! Not really funny, but the idea that a male student ended up with a drink most likely meant for a female gave us all something to think about. All my son kept saying is good thing his female friend did not drink that drink, as she is very tiny and my son is a big guy. If the drink was such a problem for him, I can only imagine what would have happened to his friend.</p>
<p>OKgirl, when you screw up and you realise it, it is common to tell yourself you understand and will not do it again; it is also very normal not to want to rehash every detail and go over it forever with your family. You feel you have dealt with it and you are fine and will be fine and you want to forget the embarassment.</p>
<p>When & if your family needs to go over it with you, try to indulge them a bit, they are just worried, they need to hear several times from you that you did a bad thing, that you know you were dumb, etc. If you indulge them and have some frank discussions up front, it will enable them to see and understand you have learned your lesson and to process what happened and to move ahead with you. </p>
<p>Glad you are well and be careful in the future as the above posters have warned</p>
<p>snowball, thanks for posting your son’s story. There was a thread a while back on what you would tell your freshman and I posted about red cups. A couple of people really slammed me for it but I stand by what I said. No drinking from red cups, no having someone else hold your drink ever, no setting it down and picking it back up.</p>
<p>Get straight with your family. They love you! If you had been seriously harmed or put in jail, your family would stand by you, not the sorority. Whether you realize it or not, you probably almost died in that incident. Your mom probably realizes it and is terrified. You need to visit her, give her a tremendous hug and promise you will never do this again!</p>
<p>“It was just a really bad night and I wish it would just go away. I’ve learned a huge lesson from this and I’m going to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”</p>
<p>You probably really believe this is true. I am not sure that I do. If you go to a party and drink too much an end up in the hospital, consider it a wake up call. Contact the University health services and followup with the help they can offer. That may make it much less likely that this will happen again.</p>
<p>thanks again for the advice. I’m pretty sure that I’m going to stay away from drinking for quite some time and my friends say that they are going to hold me to it. And I am positive that I won’t be hanging around those guys anymore. The problem with that is that my roommate is friends with them and I hate to accuse them of drugging me, but at the same time I’d hate for it to happen to her. I just don’t know what I should do about that because she really enjoys hanging out with them and I’m not absolutely sure that they did something. I just hate to point fingers if I’m not 100% sure.</p>
<p>ucsd<em>ucla</em>dad: Red cups are usually used at parties. The problem is that the rims can be dipped into something before the party and then whoever drinks out of it is drugged (I imagine the same could go for cans?). Another problem is that you pour a drink into it. There is no telling what could have been done to that liquid because you didn’t see it being opened. Also another problem is that if you notice that girls are maybe drinking out of red and no guys are because chances are that something was done to them.</p>