<p>Pepper - Hope you meant “bite your tongue” and not “swallow it”. The latter sounds life threatening! :0</p>
<p>Oh gosh I think I was caught between swallowing my words and biting my tongue-good catch-yikes! No don’t swallow your tongue! ;)</p>
<p>Regarding the car insurance. i would ask your company how they cover occasional drivers. I think most of us have had a neighbor, friend or visiting relative drive our cars on occasion. There is typically some coverage extended to these people who have your permission to drive your car, but are not living with you. If you can explain to the insurance company that she is no longer living at home and can prove it, they may let you take her off your policy.</p>
<p>I think helping clear the Appalachian Trail would be an incredible way to spend the summer. I’m sure this would be an incredible learning opportunity for her, and also a great life experience. As others have said, when else will she have a chance to do something like this? This is something that she could probably spend the rest of her life remembering fondly. It could also be a learning experience though, because as others have mentioned, it might make her realize how broke she is…and convince her that she does need to get a job next summer. It sounds more like you’re just disappointed that she isn’t coming home, which is quite understandable…but this is a decision that only she can really make.</p>
<p>nj2011mom–if they take her off their policy completely, when she is out of college she will have to apply for her own insurance as someone that has not had continuous coverage. Her premiums will DOUBLE at least because of that. As a young, single driver with one vehicle, her premiums would be huge anyway. Around here her premiums without a multi-car discount for someone in their early 20’s would be about $250/month. Not having insurance will cause those premiums to jump to over $500/month–assuming newer, not overly expensive car. Just something to consider before making any moves on insurance.</p>
<p>I can’t help with the car insurance question, but it sounds like others answered that one for you. As far as independence goes, I’d tell her this: 1) yes, by all means, do what you want to do this summer and 2) you do realize that we will not be giving you any spending money for next year, so this would be a good time to get a job lined up for when school resumes, especially if you won’t earn any this summer.</p>
<p>And I’d ask her this: Does the trail clearing job provide room and board for you? If it doesn’t, you’ll need to pay for these things, even if you buy nothing else.</p>
<p>This may be the only summer she has to do something that isn’t career related and if she runs out of money, well, she has three years left to figure out how expensive it is to live independently on this earth.</p>
<p>Although my college years were decades ago, I remember that first Christmas break as the absolute worst. I thought I was more independent than I actually was and argued with my parents about everything, so I think your experience was pretty typical.</p>
<p>She sounds like a responsible young lady. I would respect her decision.</p>
<p>Sometimes taking a trip like that, she has time to reflect on herself without pressures of school and life itself. This actually might be a good thing for her. A chance to see who she really is and make her a stronger better person.</p>
<p>‘The Gift of Fear’- very positive and very helpful book as both D’s were growing up and even as college students and after. I read the book when they were younger and tried teaching some of the concept to them in practical situations. I felt better on the adventures they took.</p>
<p>I’m coming in late on this, and I think you’ve gotten good advice. Just wanted to recommend another book: Losing Control and Liking It: How to set your teen (and yourself) free. I haven’t finished it yet, and it is Christian-based, which may or may not appeal to you, but it has helped give me some perspective on parenting in the college years. It deals with recognizing what we can control and what we can’t, and the fact that our kids do have to learn for themselves to make good choices and decisions. (btw, I don’t think your daughter’s idea is a bad one - like others have said, when will she get the chance again?) A good friend also reminded me that we want our children to be where we are now, with all of our experience and wisdom. But we forget that they have their own journey too, just like we did - mistakes and all. </p>
<p>H and I talked about D going to college like this: You spend 18 years lovingly restoring the classic car of your dreams. You spend every weekend in the garage, repairing and tweaking, then washing and polishing. You sink tons of money into the car and give up your time and other interests for the sake of working on it to get into mint condition. It’s so beautiful, it brings tears to your eyes! Then, after all your effort, when it’s really looking good, and you feel great about what you’ve accomplished, you hand over the keys to someone who just got their license last week! And off goes your “baby,” out into the world, in the hands of someone who barely knows what they are doing and can’t even begin to understand all you’ve invested. I think that about sums up the sending-my-child-off-to-college experience…</p>
<p>And I’m still laughing over “Then these surly slugs come home, sleep all day stay up all night and make a big mess!” I thought it was just at my house! Hahahahahaha!</p>