<p>I agree that in most cases it’s not unreasonable to send a text. However when the behavior is unheatlhy and manipulative (as it seems it is here), something needs to be done.</p>
<p>I’ll try to go over OP’s posts because I really think OP said the parents guilt-tripped him/her by saying that after a <em>little</em> while when s/he didn’t reply to the texts, they concluded s/he was dead and tried to call authorities to check, but it might have appeared in a response or comment as an illustration.</p>
<p>Since OP is a senior about to get a job who pays for school himself/herself AND provides for her/his parents from school, OP doesn’t depend on them. It seems the parents depend on OP.
(OP, how often do you come home? How far is your school from home? Where does the money you send home come from?)</p>
<p>This sounds like a cultural thing to me. OP is Asian and several of my Asian (Chinese) college friends were also expected and guilt-tripped into calling their parents at LEAST once a day, and had to constantly keep telling their parents that they were busy studying to get them to back off. OP, maybe you can try weaning them off a bit by gradually increasing the time between your responses? Or do they have any friends with children from the same cultural background who are more lenient with their kids that you can get them to talk to?</p>
<p>Thanks again everyone for offering all the thoughts and advice.</p>
<p>It does seem like some of the interpretations are a little out of proportion. It may have something to do with my language in writing this post, as I was not too happy when I wrote it.</p>
<p>My parents, although needy, are still reasonable people. They don’t threaten me or anything and they won’t call the police randomly. We have an amiable relationship, but I just think that it is emotionally unhealthy for them to be so concerned about me. I don’t always feel like talking to them all the time, which makes the situation burdensome. They do go a bit crazy occasionally (most times when I haven’t responded for a couple days), though it is a rare event, which I think has more to do than their mood on the day than general craziness. </p>
<p>I’m not too far from home but I only go back a few times a year. My parents don’t need to rely on me financially at this point, but of course they would like to once I make enough money. This is fine as I’m OK with supporting my parents.</p>
<p>I think some people are seeing the situation as more severe than it really is. I really appreciate the concern, though I do think that my situation isn’t very extreme. I just wanted a way to vent off some occasional frustration and find some ways to better manage our relationship.</p>
<p>okay then, I, for one, apologize
it sounds like your earlier messages were stronger than intendeed and I read them as stronger implied than meant. Some of the information was also written in frustration (like “If I get busy and I don’t respond for multiple days, my parents go crazy and they think I’m dead. This happens even when I don’t respond for a few hours.” " they just try to torture me with silence" “actually I’m paying for all my tuition and living expenses myself (…) Some of my money actually goes to my parents”) and amplified what you felt rather than reflected what you are living.
Recently, I made the mistake thinking a student was exagerating when talking about a clingy mother - then I got to meet the mother and unfortunately I realized I should have taken the student’s words at face value. It’s harder to gauge on the internet. Anyway… I’m sorry for some of my responses that amplified the amplification!
I hope you can use some of the “weaning techniques” and send the one text per day.</p>
<p>Please, no need to feel bad or anything! My statements are factual (although sometimes colorful), but those things don’t happen every time I don’t respond to them. </p>
<p>Also there seems to be a lot of interest regarding how I’m paying or how much I send to my parents. Not much. I have a lot of scholarship money and was also able to get a lot of student loans due to a low family income. I also work decent paying jobs every summer. So the surplus of all of that that I don’t spend goes to my parents if they need it.</p>
<p>I’d love to hear a bit more on how to open up more to my parents…I do feel a communications barrier that I’d like to overcome. I think it’s the result of having to be very independent growing up, so now I resist telling them things because I feel like I did everything myself all these years so why should I talk to them about things now? Thoughts on this are welcomed.</p>
<p>As a parent, I am always interested in hearing what my kids are doing, even if I can’t relate to what they are saying. My older daughter loves to talk, so sometimes she would go on and on about her sorority. It would be what they were serving for lunch (really bad sandwich meat) to parties they were hosting. She would also tell me about how much snow they were having and how some kid slipped. </p>
<p>She is working now. She’ll tell me how much work she has, and she is very good at describing everyone at work, so I feel like I almost know them. One guy is super cheap, a woman is a lesbian who just got engaged and her boss is having a hard time finishing his new house. Very often in the middle of our conversation, she would say, “Gotta run, my boss is on the phone.”</p>
<p>OP - are you a bit resentful toward your parents because you’ve had to do everything on your own, so they don’t deserve to know anything about you? If so, do you think your parents would have helped out if they could? Do you think maybe they feel bad for not being as supportive? I know my parents were. They did what they could, but it wasn’t nearly as much as what my friends’ parents were doing. </p>
<p><<<
My parents don’t need to rely on me financially at this point, but of course they would like to once I make enough money. This is fine as I’m OK with supporting my parents.</p>
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<p>Can I offer a tip?</p>
<p>Before you offer to support your parents once you’re working, please wait and see what the situation actually is. You’re young. You don’t yet pay taxes. You don’t yet support yourself. Right now, virtually any salary will sound like a LOT…and it’s natural to think that you can EASILY support other people. But, once you’re working, paying for an apt, food, utilities, phone, cable, clothes, car, gas, insurance, etc…AND paying taxes, you may likely find that you can barely support yourself. </p>
<p>Not to mention the fact that you say you have taken out student loans. IMHO, if you have sufficient funds that you can send money to your parents, but they don’t actually NEED the money, you should NOT be financing your life with loans! But since you are a senior, I guess it is too late now. :(</p>
