Need advice on making DD drop an EC (music)

Parent Cafe
1

<p>My dd got a new orchestra director at her school this year. This man is a nightmare! He actually came from a higher paying district, and for some reason, took this lower paying job. Based on what I am reading online, he might have been asked to leave. He is a screaming. Posts about his say he is degrading, mean, condescending, etc. And that people are glad he is gone.</p>

<p>Now here we are, he is at our school. He tells the students they have to order and purchase everything through his “preferred store.” He says they are not allowed to go elsewhere, and all orders have to go through him and the students will pay him directly. He also has required all the students to use their smart phones (my daughter does not have one) and record themselves practicing every night and submit it via a website. He also “dethroned” the entire student board that was elected and no longer allow them to hold events or do anything. He says he has taken over everything now. He went a step further and shut down a facebook page that the kids had where they shared things with each other. Nothing has ever gone wrong on this site. But he says he controls anything orchestra related now, and if orchestra kids are getting together, he has the right to have say and know about it. So he shut down all communication these kids had with each other in mass, and said they are banned from having any sort of group for themselves even as friends.</p>

<p>Also, he gives more homework than all my daughter’s AP classes put together, and she has 6 AP classes. </p>

<p>Now, I guess I made the fatal mistake. I purchased her new strings through a local vendor that we have used for years. After he found out, he stripped her from 1st chair and demoted her to last chair. And apparently, he screamed at her in class.</p>

<p>She made all-region orchestra this past weekend. All state auditions are this upcoming weekend. He has told the class that if anyone drops his class, he will contact TMEA and have them pulled from all state and all region. I ended up calling TMEA myself (they are in charge of all state and all region orchestras) and they told me he has the right to do that if he choses. They say technically, he is her sponsor, therefore, if he choses to pull her sponsorship, they will kick her off. </p>

<p>With all the stress and everything, I ended up taking my daughter to the doctor on Friday. They even said it might be time to have her leave orchestra. She has a physical injury, again, from the excessive practicing. Last year, there was a musical she played in and she ended up practicing 6 hrs a day, straight, with few breaks, and ended up injured. </p>

<p>My husband says we should just force her to quit. She says all state and all region are the most important things, even though she is not a future music major. If she drops orchestra by Monday and picks up AP Math, she can still take the AP math. (she took the first half of AP math over the summer, Monday is the last day for her to add in and take the 2nd half). She says she wants to major in physics or a related field anyway. </p>

<p>What would you do? I feel like she is 17.5 yrs old, she should make her own decision. But I also feel like the decision she is making is bad if she stays with orchestra.</p>

<p>Oh, and talking to the principal will not improve anything. The principal ALWAYS stands by the teachers, always. Other parents have already tried talking to admin and ended up just pulling their kids already.</p>

2

<p>She’s 17.5 years old, and can make her own decision.</p>

<p>Is there a local youth orchestra? For that matter, a community orchestra? There’s no reason why a reasonably competent 17 1/2 year old player shouldn’t be playing with adults. After all, that’s what she will be doing - if she plays -for the rest of her life.</p>

3

<p>If even half of this is true, this man shouldn’t be teaching anybody. Why don’t you encourage your daughter and the rest of the orchestra to take their grievances before the school board, since the principal isn’t helpful. Then again, you may need to do nothing at all if half the orchestra (or even all the members in a few instrument sections) quit.</p>

<p>In any case, you may have grounds for some kind of action based on his lack of ethics in requiring the students to purchase materials only from him and then retaliating when they don’t. I’d encourage my d and her classmates to document everything as dispassionately as possible.</p>

4

<p>I work in the administrative offices of a school district. There is always someone above the principal to discuss this situation. I think they will be especially interested in the “preferred store/pay me directly” issue. Get your documentation together, names of witnessing students, etc. This really needs to be reported.</p>

5

<p>I think it is very important for you to speak to the Principal. Not b/c you expect anything to be done now. But b/c you are one vote that this teacher is NOT OK. It is very important for you to tell the Principal (and others such as other teachers) about what he is doing. In fact I would go right straight to the Superintendent of schools on this one. If what you say is true then it sounds like this teacher is a potential liability for the district. The top administration needs to know about him. As for your daughter, she will learn what it is to have a sociopath as a boss. Perhaps you can talk with her about this type of personality. She will certainly encounter more of them in her life. Ugh. </p>

<p>Also, it might be useful to have her chat with some of his prior students in the old district or read some of the stuff you are reading so she can gain some perspective. This way if she does decide to stay in music she can understand better what she is up against and perhaps a bit on how to handle the situation.</p>

<p>Cross posted w/ firefly and Massmomm. Agree agree!</p>

6

<p>In our state, if you are not playing in a school ensemble, you cannot play in the all state ensembles without a prior clearance. Each all state participant MUST be accompanied by a member of the music educators association. So, if your daughter drops orchestra…who will that be?</p>

<p>If your daughter wants to continue…let her. I would NOT force her to quit if it’s important to her.</p>

<p>Having said that…does your school have a music parents association? If so, I wonder if other parents are having the same issues. Our MPA was very active when an incompetent conductor was hired. We were not complainers…but we did present clear facts to the administration. </p>

<p>I agree…contact upper administration…is there a director of the arts?</p>

7

<p>I know nothing about the music world, so I will just react as a mother. If you are accurately painting a picture with your words, then it is all or nothing with this teacher. There is already a Strike against your child for disobeying His rules. Your child is already paying the price for this disobedience. (I am not agreeing with his rules, they are tyrannical and outrageous.) I cannot see any way for her to be promoted back to first chair while this teacher is in charge. I imagine he will also “invent” other infractions and punish your daughter further. So I think the decision is already made–there is really nothing for your child to do but leave the school orchestra.</p>

<p>What does your daughter enjoy about her music, and what other options are there locally for her to get that same enjoyment? Church groups, community orchestra, etc.</p>

<p>Does your daughter see how awful this teacher is? Even though she is almost 18, sometimes the big picture you can see as a Mother might need to trump her “adulthood”.</p>

<p>Surely other orchestra parents are beginning to see how awful this situation is? Your only chance to challenge this teacher may be to have a majority of the children quit in protest of this teacher. Now, the parents hoping their kid will get a music scholarship to college will probably suck it up and stay with the teacher. But surely there are other parents who will opt for doing the right thing and challenge this new hire.</p>

<p>Are you in a public school that has district superintendent or other layers of authority you could appeal to? If not, I would appeal to the board or other governing body of your school.</p>

<p>As a mom, I would hunt out all the information you can from the parents at the school the teacher just left. There may be a way to find a parent who is willing to talk with you. If you do find out the “real” reason he left, it may give you more insight or ammunition to change your situation. Is there any chance he has crossed the line into legal trouble? If so, you can dig into public records. If it were my kid, and some new guy came in with all this mess, I would investigate the previous school, drive over there if you have to, hang out at a fast food place frequented by the previous school’s teenagers and ask questions. Hire a private investigator if you have the funds. Sounds like he may have left in a hurry to avoid a legal issue. The problem with that will be that no one will talk on the record, and you will have to really snoop to get the information.</p>

<p>I wouldn’t be quick to jump into the AP Math class. Could you just drop the class and have a study hall? That way, if the new teacher leaves soon, your daughter could possibly come back into orchestra?</p>

<p>It sounds like a dreadfully awful situation, and I am so sorry your daughter is caught in the middle. It will end up being a life lesson, but not one you would wish on anyone.</p>

8

<p>Oh…and I would DEFINITELY talk to the admins about the instrument purchase situation. I will say, many school ensembles DO have a relationship with a vendor,that gives them things like reduced costs on instrument repairs. Even so…no student should be FORCED to purchase,through one vendor…and be punished for not doing so.</p>

9

<p>To me, my child’s health and well-being is always top priority - I think her participation has crossed the line to being unhealthy and I would have her quit. If she loves music, she can find other ways to enjoy it outside of school. The best message you can send the school is by her quitting - somebody of her talent quitting will be a signal that something is wrong. (maybe others will follow her lead). I always hesitated to complain while my daughter was still in the school because of the fear of retaliation (public schools are like that unfortunately) - however, after she graduated (I only have the one) I did tell the administration a few things I felt strongly about (in at least one case they listened).</p>

10

<p>Is orchestra an EC or a class?</p>

<p>If it’s a class, and your daughter drops it, would she have to pick up a course to fill her schedule? Having to make up all the work up to this point in the semester in the other subject could be more stressful than staying in the orchestra.</p>

11

<p>Hmmm, we had a similar situation with a band director who is no longer employed in our district. There was a student and parent uprising. I don’t normally support such movements - but in THIS case…</p>

<p>As a parent, I would do the following:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Contact the principal via email and explain the situation and let him know in the email, you would like a meeting.</p></li>
<li><p>Hold the meeting to reiterate in person and ask for an action plan from him.</p></li>
<li><p>If he/she cannot offer satisfaction, go to the administration, superintendent of schools, head of the Fine Arts department, someone up the chain. There IS someone. Find out who and go to them.</p></li>
<li><p>Then I would go to the parenting governing body. There is an orchestra boosters or some similar organization, I am sure. I would complain to them, just to let them know that the orchestra is going to lose numbers under this guy and that you have lodged a formal complaint. If there are other boosters encountering similar problems, encourage them to do the same thing you’ve done.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>One other poster said it right - you guys need to vote with your voice - whether or not YOUR talking to the principal does any good or not - if 100 parents do it, they have to pay attention.</p>

<p>Again, I did not support this activity at our school, but our kids formed a petition to have the director removed, had over half the band sign it and turned it in to the principal.</p>

<p>MULTIPLE parents went to the principal and the administration.</p>

<p>In the end, the director was removed.</p>

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<p>Marian, most high school fine arts credits aren’t that difficult to catch up in. And most teachers will work with you.</p>

13

<p>collect parents and email the board, then the teachers’ union president. but the decision to stay or go has to be your daughter’s. 50 individual emails are better than one petition with 50 signatures, and there is safety in numbers for the students. He is an unethical bully and make it your business to show him the door and see who joins you.</p>

14

<p>We also had a similar situation with a regional orchestra. Also, D2 lost her first position for some pathetic excuse. (And, we had been warned this conductor played favorites with his own students.) First thing we did was triage for our girl. We talked with her in very balanced terms, about how this crap sometime happens, what’s in our control and what’s not. I wanted her to know this was something she could choose to accept/deal with or walk from. At first, her answer was clearly to stick with it, be stronger than the jerk, even prove something to him.</p>

<p>Over time, she made the decision there was much else in her life that mattered more to her ego. She asked me how bad it would look to drop out late in the game- and we realized she had so much more going on, this stress wasn’t needed. It did not stop her from continuing with other musical activities and groups. She continued to play in college. She looks back with no regret. I feel that laying the initial groundwork with her helped her avoid any sense she had failed.</p>

<p>Prior to her decision, we had insisted on a sit-down with the conductor and admin. Did no good except to register our dismay. I do agree, for you and for her, to take this up the ladder, whatever aspects you feel you should prioritize. Nicely, in case she continues with the group. Good luck.</p>

15

<p>95% of kids who learn to play an instrument don’t continue into adulthood. My community orchestra is filled with people who put down their instruments for 30 or even 40 years after school. Most never got the opportunity to play with adults. This could be a great blessing if she finds this opportunity. I see no reason why kids should be playing music with only other people the same age when community orchestras are begging for players. Same with little theater companies. Confining kids to their ghettoes - even when they “like” it - has consequences for all of us, and they aren’t good ones.</p>

16

<p>community orchestras that let anyone in are often not going to be as good as a quality high school ensemble… I joined a community band this year, and the top band at my old high school would blow it out of the water.</p>

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<p>And so? (10 char) </p>

<p>I founded one that is DELIBERATELY that way. But if she is first chair at her high school orchestra, she can audition and get into 95% of auditioned community orchestras.</p>

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<p>The all-state experience is unique, and she shouldn’t lose her shot at that because the orchestra director is an obnoxious control freak.</p>

19

<p>“He tells the students they have to order and purchase everything through his “preferred store.” He says they are not allowed to go elsewhere, and all orders have to go through him and the students will pay him directly.”</p>

<p>Is this guy skimming money? Do you know for sure that the amount you pay him actually is the exact amount the store is charging? Is he getting some sort of kickback? This sounds very unethical, at the least. How can he force them to purchase at his preferred store? There could be theft in this situation.</p>

<p>I totally agree with cromettes post #11, with an emphasis upon her step #2…describing to the principal the situation (in writing would be good, so he/she is very clear), and asking what your daughter and you should do? I can’t believe that the answer would be nothing, if so, there is something very bad going on at that school and as a matter of principle, even if your daughter quit, I would cause a big fuss. This is insane.</p>

20

<p>Can she drop the class AFTER all-state? That’s what I’d suggest.</p>