<p>As you know, I took up the violin at 47 (I’m still at the low end of submediocrity) and opera singing at 52 (and I’m pretty darn good). Most music was drummed out of me in school (and if I hadn’t discovered Indian music later, it probably would have been for good.)</p>
<p>Just a thought: both my father and I seriously considered not playing a varsity sport during senior year of high school due to bad behaviour on the part of our respective coaches. He did not play, and deeply regretted that decision for decades. He encouraged me to continue in the sport I loved, crummy coach be damned; I did, and I deeply regret that decision, even today.</p>
<p>Perhaps there is no good solution, so there will be a lot of regret either way. But I think that my regret is fueled by having given up other opportunities to play this sport, and I really wish that, in the balance between being on Coach Jerk’s team and being on a different team, I would have chosen the latter. My dad never played that sport again after junior year, so I would guess that giving up the sport is what he really regrets.</p>
<p>Which is to say, if your D can find a way to still be an outstanding musician, dump the jerk conductor, take the advanced math class, play in the community, and never look back.</p>
<p>I agree that a bad director can destroy a kid’s enjoyment of music–my daughter was driven out of band permanently by a problematic conductor. But a good director–even one that encourages competitions–can enhance the enjoyment of music, which my daughter found when she switched to chorus. Perhaps OP’s daughter could take the radical step of switching from orchestra into band or chorus, if one of those directors is better. If she was first chair on a string instrument, she could probably pick up a new instrument well enough to play–even easier if she can sing.</p>
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<p>This sentence caught my eye. In addition to being a bad teacher and a horrible person, he could also have a big impact on the daughters GPA if she is neglecting her other classes for this one. The emotional toll is also important. I’m guessing that your daughters stomach is tied up in knots about this situation. Mine would be.</p>
<p>I agree about going to the Principal en masse. There’s nothing like a group of parents to make a Principal take you seriously. Just make sure you can back up everything you say.</p>
<p>lookingforward (post 37) "I’d quit encouraging her to quit…D2 spent two years with her jerk</p>
<p>Maybe if you had encouraged your D to quit she would have saved two years of misery. I don’t consider sticking with a jerk as a worthy challenge to be met. I think cutting your losses and getting on with life is a better road.</p>
<p>No, it was her considered choice and only parts of the experience were a problem. (Although we had other issues with this child,) she learned a great deal about herself and how to balance the plusses against the minuses. </p>
<p>When we talk about it now, she is good with the decision to stay- and the later decision to leave. They were hers, not ours, but we stayed on top of this, neither ignored it nor pressured, either way. In addition to keeping up with that aspect of group, she specifically said she wanted to continue to support “the team.” She had already done two years of All-State and had plenty of other music going.</p>
<p>But our experience was with a regional youth orchestra, not at school. Each situation is different. If OP’s child I being crushed, if she is overloaded academically, that’s different. I just think some kids need to know they made the decision.</p>