D18 just finished her freshman yr of college. When she was a Sr. at a STEM magnet HS, she tutored at a very popular tutoring/ test prep business that hired a lot of kids from the magnet school, in addition to some adults. They tutor all ages, but speciafically offer prep for the magnet HS and SAT/ACT prep. Towards the end of the year she started complaining about having to close, because it was “so late” and she “had to vacuum after everyone left”. Then that changed to she needed to study for APs. She wanted to quit, but she was making $15 hr and I thought it was easy money compared to Mcdonald’s and only 10 hrs/wk…finally I agreed to let her ask for April off to study, but suggested she offer to work for the summer…and she mentioned that her friend was making $15/hr at Victoria’s secret…it didn’t make sense to me at all, why would she rather work retail?
When summer came, I asked her to call her boss and offer to come back. She burst into tears and said “John is so CREEPY “ and I thought of all those late evenings cleaning up after hours and I said “you should have just said that i. the first place”. She would NOT provide details then, but this summer she showed me a screenshot of a text the owner had sent to one of the other HS girls that worked there now - “Miss U” -the girl had posted it to snapchat and said she can’t tell her mom because her mom works there too, and needs the money.
My daughter says she is also concerned because sometimes “John” will take one of the younger kids (7th graders prepping for HS entrance exam) or HS juniors aside for “private lessons” and she doesn’t trust him.
WHAT DO I DO without getting myself sued? To whom do I report such behavior? I don’t really know if this is the right place to post it, but I figured you guys would have some ideas.
So there is a difference between weird and creepy and reportable/criminal conduct. I would speak with your daughter to get as much detail as possible. And then maybe some of her co-workers. If you establish that the conduct crosses the line, then I would go to the police and possibly the school district.
Agree there is a difference between creepy and criminal and you don’t have enough info to know which it is.
I think I would start by talking to the parents of those other kids. The girl who feels she can’t tell her mom-- maybe your daughter can convince her or offer to have you talk to her mom. If her Mom works there and doesn’t want to make waves she can at least be alert and keep her own and hopefully other kids away from him.
The kids who get private lessons-- if you were their parent wouldn’t you want someone to clue you in? I’d so much appreciate someone saying something to me if they had a suspicion, even if they were wrong.
What did the creep DO to your daughter? That is the only direct evidence you have and that is directly your business and hers. The rest might come out while they are investigating what happened to your daughter and the police will certainly investigate that. But the primary thing here is what happened to your daughter
My feeling is that he leers and makes suggestive comments. I don’t think there was anything criminally reportable, and that is the problem. I saw the text, it was weird and creepy. I don’t think anyone should be subjected to “weird” or “creepy” sexually suggestive behavior even if it doesn’t “cross a line”. Especially young girls who aren’t equipped to handle it. And even younger kids whose parents may unknowingly be paying for the privilege of gratifying creep. Honestly, what “line” do YOU think he needs to cross?
Does this guy own the business or is it part of a larger chain? If he reports to someone else, it may make it a little more comfortable for your D to disclose to that person instead of the creep. She can encourage her friend to come forward, too. This may give others the courage to speak out.
Hopefully someone more in the know will answer. If it were me, I’d talk to the cops. I’d let them know you have no proof of anything other than that one screenshot, and how your D feels. But you are worried that this guy can be grooming kids. You don’t know what the cops already know, and even if they don’t know anything yet, it could be helpful to put this guy on their radar.
I’m sorry your D has had this experience. If things are creepy enough to make your D burst into tears it definitely seems as if you should get more information from her and then chart your course of action. I had a “creepy” boss as a job when I was a teen - but not anything that drove me to tears. Good luck.
She hasn’t worked there in a year, but since she’s been back from college, every time we drive past those small signs (like election signs) advertising its test prep services she says we “should grab all those signs”. And she showed me the text the other girl posted not long ago. And she also said her guy friend who worked there told her the guy was “really gross and creepy” with him, not in the same way, but by talking to him about girls in general, AND specific girls that worked there, in an inappropriate way.
I just asked her if she could give me any more actionable information and she got very shy and self conscious and said “I can’t tell YOU. It would be weird”, meaning she doesn’t want to say exactly what he said to her, to me, but she has told other people.
She was selectively mute when she was younger, and even until maybe 10th grade, I had a stack of flash cards to lay out for her when she was too upset to talk. She would tap the words on the cards. She literally canNOT get the words out if she feels uncomfortable. She gets choked up. That’s why she cried. She was forced to SAY WORDS. I would never make her go there again ever. But I almost want to call him directly and advise him to sell his business, because I know he should not be working with kids, and he should sell while he has a chance before he suddenly loses his business. Do I sound nuts? A lot of this stuff has happened to me over the years and there are so many times I regretted not saying something directly to the person. People need to be called in this stuff, I think.
OP, creepy behavior t in some states would be considered sexual harassment , especially in a K-12 setting. There may be mandatory reporting if victims are minors. Even volunteers with children at schools, non-profit groups, health care settings, etc., could be mandated to report to police if minors are suspected of being abused.
Here is a resource to see the types of behavior that are more general about harassment.
“Making sexual jokes or innuendo.
Many types of harassment stem from jokes, but you shouldn’t assume that everyone has the same sense of humor. Sexual jokes and references can be offensive or uncomfortable, dredge up past traumatic experiences, and highlight disparities between people of different sexes and genders, and a 2017 New York Times survey shows these jokes are the most prevalent type of harassing behavior men participate in at work.”
I’m so sorry this has been especially upsetting given your daughter’s previous challenges. I agree with the above poster that your daughter should not go back. Perhaps you should also be extra reassuring to her and praise her for letting you know there’s a problem, that she should trust her instincts on this in the future, etc.
I’m stumped about what more you should do, though. Perhaps a visit to the local police precinct to speak with someone there about it would be helpful, both to you (because you are doing something proactive) and for the community at large. I wouldn’t put anything on Yelp, etc., or try to take this crusade on yourself.
But alerting the local police (again, in person, privately) would be a good deed. I keep thinking about all of the gymnasts that Larry Nasser abused, and all the other abuse situations that went on for years because no one was able to speak out and be heard, and I’m sickened.
ETA - if this is a franchise of a national (or regional) chain, then I think you should put your impressions in writing and send it, registered mail/return receipt, to the attention of the head of the organization and/or the legal department.
Is it possible to have her speak with a therapist? When a student I know disclosed some behavior to her therapist, the therapist was required to take action and report it to the police, who did a wonderful and sensitive job following up on it.
The guy has said “creepy” (sounds like sexually harassing) things in front of the OP’s daughter, the female friend, and the male friend. He texts “creepy” messages. This same guy is taking seventh graders aside in private rooms for “private tutoring.” RED FLAG! RED FLAG!
I suggest calling up the police, and first telling them what you know without naming names. Then, if the police say that they couldn’t act on the info even if they knew the names, you’re done (except for warning all your friends to keep their kids away). If the police say they could act on the info, tell them who the guy is.
If it is a franchise that he owns or runs, there should be corporate information online somewhere. See who you can contact in the business. If not, the police or CPS could probably advise how to report it. You’ve mentioned 3 people who are uncomfortable, it needs to get shared with someone.
I’m still stuck on you making her keep the job when she wanted to quit. I wouldn’t have tried to make my kid stay - if they’d rather make $10/hour vs $15, I would have figured that was her decision, without the info on the creepy boss.