<p>Thanks Everyone! AOL reports that instant messages are not kept by the company nor are e-mails after the user deletes them. As far as talking to my daughter I will speak to my wife tonight she is for the teacher telling her that she can’t call him and it is inappropriate. I believe that I should go to the school officials to get to the bottom of this NOW! Asking the teacher to solve the problem is not a solution in my mind. Heck he is the one that has been communicating with her. I am a skeptical guy by nautre as I feel that it was out of line for him to return the call to her . Yes we also need a professional to sort this out…Stay tuned I will keep you all informed…</p>
<p>Texas137 said: I am also concerned about the daughters of parents who may not have heard the rumors.</p>
<p>So am I! Someone has to put a stop to this kind of behavior so we all don’t regret it later!</p>
<p>How would you know that nobody has reported? Why would a school administrator not become suspicious about parents removing female students from a class? Why would contacting an administrator ruin a reputation? If that is how you feel/believe then you should report to law enforcement and let the authorities investigate…leaving the employer to deal with them. It sounds as if the employer is negligent also. I just don’t see the logic of the other parents.</p>
<p>Has this man been over to the daughters house to pick her up? This is exactly why men can never go into teaching of high school students. One vicious rumor can ruin a man’s entire life. Until she comes to you with complaints of abuse, or you over hear conversations of sex or meeting up for things, this man has done nothing wrong. Former teachers are not supposed to be allowed to have contact with former students? If this was a female teacher would this even be a freaking issue? I do not know the details of the situation beyond what has been written here, but instances of “Sexual preditorism” (word?) are not as widespread as the major news networks make them seem to be. Definetly monitor her phone calls and instant messages (I never understood how teenagers spend so much time on those things) but please do not ruin this poor man’s reputation based on hearsay and conjecture.</p>
<p>Are you telling us that unless the victim comes forth and asserts evidence of a sex act there is no crime no damage/victim?? I am stunned that you can be so uninformed about how these crimes occur…the development and execution. Incredible.</p>
<p>Hazmat- the rumors are that the superintendent was never able to get any proof or statements from the girls. So I guess the town lawyers said “you better not accuse if you don’t have the proof ,or the teacher will sue”. If any of you live in a part of the country where a town or school administartion were able to remove a teacher based on the parents heresay, I would be shocked in this day and age. There are countless cases of undesireables that remain on the job simply because people will not press charges for fear that it will refelct negatively on their family. Remember this is a 14 year old we are talking about here not an adult. In the end we may ask our daughter about all of this and go to the school admin also…Somehow it appears to us to be more sensitive a situation. Although I don’t think we could be sued for libel as we have his phone number stored on our phone as an incoming call! Second thought we don’t as our daughter may have erased it already. Well maybe the phone company can pull the records although phone calls are no longer listed on the bill, like the old days…</p>
<p>Joev, no teacher should have contact outside of their professional relationship with a student without that student’s parents knowledge. That is simply professional ethics. It holds for teachers, doctors, counselors, clergy. No one here has suggested ruining this teacher’s reputation based on hearsay, but it is good parenting to explore situations of concern and terrible parenting to wait until she reports abuse or you happen to overhear something lurid.</p>
<p>Joev- I think it is also inappropriate for a female teacher to call my son on his cell phone or my daughter…there is no need for it unless the teacher assumed it was the home phone number? My understanding is that the teachers are told to always call the number that is on file with the school if a student calls them? That way the parents are involved. Any teachers on the CC board that can confirm what the policy is in your school?</p>
<p>I will be back on later tonight- thanks to all for your thoughts!</p>
<p>Although the teacher may not be a sex offender in the legal sense of the words, his behavior sounds both inappropriate and foolish. Most teachers these days are trained to avoid the appearance of impropriety (for example, a teaching assistant at a university would be told not to meet a female student alone even in the TA’s office; similarly, a young male high school teacher would be very careful not to encourage schoolgirl crushes and mispinterpretations of attention). A 14-year-old and a male teacher in this 20s do not suggest anything like a standard social duo, and a legitimate teacher-pupil relationship would not involve private phone calls or emails. It does not sound as though there is a painless way to deal with this, but I think Northstarmom’s suggestions make good sense. I don’t think you can worry about protecting other parents and their kids though–parents do tend to avoid getting involved in what they think does not impact them personally (and false accusations are, of course, a scary prospect for all).</p>
<p>joev - the noun you are looking for is “predation”</p>
<p>Firstly the investigation would not be done by the superintendent…it would be a law enforcement agency. Secondly, if what you are told is that the “girls” would not make statements then i am presuming that there were not counseling professionals involved but be that as it may…your daughter is affected this time. The school does not do the task here is is not their task. You should really report to CPS/Prosecutor yourself or take your daughter to a licensed counselor such as a PhD or PsyD or MD and let them make a conclusion and report for you. Your knowledge of the phone calls and such is important. As to what the school does…usually they notify the teacher of the investigation and if evidence if amassed the teacher is on admin leave w/ pay until the investigation is complete…charges filed and adjudicated. Are you telling me that in your city this has never happened before? Ever?</p>
<p>joev, from your juvenile vocabulary, I doubt you are 28 years old and I think your judgement is grossly impaired if you are. NO, women teachers do NOT call their boy students on their cellphones and have the boys call them back UNLESS the teacher’s name is Mary Kay Letourneau. Any contact of this type is inappropriate, should be reported immediately, and should cease. No teacher would “counsel” a student in this manner…they would contact the school counselor who would refer the student to a mental health professional.</p>
<p>
Whoa Nelly! I said I did not know the facts of the case. I just did not want people to assume that because the daughter called the teacher once or twice (or vice versa) that he was a sexual predator. If the teacher called the girl everyday, then their might be a problem. Don’t personally attack me for no reason old man. :p</p>
<p>
Speaking of the double standard that many of you fail to realize, why isn’t this woman serving 50 to life or on death row? Reverse the roles and ask how long in jail the man would get.</p>
<p>
Thanks Texas!</p>
<p>I larned me a new ward toodae quiltguru! I’s be soo excyted!</p>
<p>Your use of the word Nazi to describe those posting here…is indefensible.</p>
<p>I apologize for using the N-word, I was a little pumped up when first typing.</p>
<p>Mary Kay Letourneau did go to prison for raping a minor. So have several female teachers since then. Still a double standard does exist.</p>
<p>Songman, Im with those who say Take Action! Now! The teachers behavior is clearly and unmistakably inappropriate. Your daughter is only 14 and not the guilty party. She needs to be protected and as hard as it may be thats your job (which I think you already know). You dont have to go beyond what you can prove. That this teacher secretly called your daughter and received her calls. Thats serious enough.</p>
<p>I have two personal anecdotes that make me feel strongly about this case. One concerns a male friend who was accused of child abuse. The accusations were 100% false. He was 100% innocent. The situation nearly ruined his life. The lesson here is that you dont want to overreact or extrapolate. Stick to what you can prove. What you can prove, i.e., the phone calls, are enough.</p>
<p>The second concerns me when I was around your daughters age. I was stalked by a male teacher. He called me and once, came by my house when my parents werent home. I had the good sense to discourage him, but it was very hard. He was charismatic, appealing and charming. I was flattered and thrilled. I never told my parents. In fact, I cant remember ever telling any one. If I could turn the clock back decades I would speak out and this guy’s butt would have been fried. Unlike my friend and like the teacher in your case he was guilty and needed to be stopped.</p>
<p>Songman:</p>
<p>I have been reading and thinking. We lived for many years in a small town, I understand the fear of negative repercussions on either your family or the teacher if things are not handled appropriately.</p>
<p>Can a teacher stay in touch after a kid has moved on? Yes! Is that normal? Could be?!</p>
<p>My D had a coach in 8th grade who she adored, he was young (probably about 10 years older than my D), mid-20s and cool and really understood her and was a great coach. Because we were friends with other members of his family (brother, neice, etc.) he was able to stay in touch with my D throughout her high school years. He emailed her and he sent me copies so there was no suspicion of anything funny. It did not hurt that he moved thousands of miles away 
He ended up being a tremendous mentor for her as she took her sport to the national level- his experience & advice was invaluable. If my D was not friends with his neice and I friends with his brother, it wouldn have been too wierd to keep him involved in her life. To this day, he is still an encourager and mentor, but the big thing is that he made sure I knew he was in touch with her and he and I stayed in touch- nothing sneaky at all.</p>
<p>Also, one of my best friends in high school in her senior year had an affair with a young (mid-20s) male teacher. And, yes, we thought it was cool to drop her off at his apartment for the afternoon :eek: So, there can be good and bad rapport with teachers.</p>
<p>You have to protect your daughter, from herself as well as the teacher. You also have a moral obligation to protect future students, if there is a problem. Maybe she has a crush and he does not know how to handle it and needs mentoring or maybe he is scum…no way to know. </p>
<p>When you talk to the administration, think it through and strive to not raise your voice and to sound reasonable and rational throughout. Give them cold, hard facts with proof in writing (print out the phone records) They cannot act on rumour, only on proof. Your D will likely not speak out against him, but the records will speak for themselves.</p>
<p>You could also get one of those key stroke recording programs and read the AIMs later…maybe run it for a week or so to gather the proof??</p>
<p>Why are you telling a parent to investigate what a special division of law enforcement does…professionally trained. Get a keystroke program…NOT, print out the phone calls…NOT, see what your daughter says…NOT…turn this over to the professional investigators who can record the evidence and evaluate it and inform the prosecutor if need be. Parents who are traumatized and their child who may have been traumatized need the investigating and documentation to be by professionals…why do you think it is called the “secret grand jury” …it is to protect the reputations of innocents.</p>