VH, in that case, I would go with the synthetic. I’d add an IOU note for when they are self-supporting.
I would have been extremely touched had I received an heirloom engagement ring. Having said that…if it was something I would wear everyday, then I would have liked some design input. (actually lots of input)
You will know soon enough. If she loves the ring she will simply say thank you when someone compliments it. If she does not love the ring she will say thank you and then add that her husband picked it out all by himself.
As someone who designed my own ring, I agree. However, I know other women who wanted to be completely surprised.
OP, does your S know whether or not his gf wants input or if she wants to be surprised? It would seem a shame to spend all that money only to find out she doesn’t like it 
I know if I were the recipient I’d rather have the smaller but real sapphire.
My guess is the young lady will be happy with this ring regardless. It’s special. I know many folks (me included) who didn’t get the dream stone when they got engaged. Some folks choose to get something later maybe for a special anniversary. Others really love the engagement ring they have and never change.
Give the options to your son. I’m sure he will make a good choice.
I think the young lady would be touched to be given a family heirloom. Perhaps just give her the ring as is and tell her she can upgrade the center stone of her choice later when your S can afford more.
I like pearls.
I know someone who opted for the more expensive platinum setting with a Moissonite (synthetic diamond) stone with the thought that a future anniversary would be the occasion to fit a natural diamond into the exquisite setting keeping the essence of the original engagement ring.
You have to know the feelings of the girl. I would not want my fiance who is in that financial position to be spending $3,200. I would want the ring as is until such time that we could afford to replace the pearl. And then I would replace it with a synthetic. But that’s me. Or I might not ever replace it. The symbolism of the ring is what’s important, not it’s price.
Everyone, thank you very much for your thoughts. I’ve presented S1 with the facts, plus my opinion that the synthetic sapphire is not the way to go for an engagement ring. I also provided him with options, like giving her the ring with the pearl and letting her decide, promising to put in the big real sapphire when they have $$$$, and giving it to her with the synthetic sapphire but promising to put in the big real sapphire later.
I’m eager to see what he decides.
If your son can’t afford to change the stone now, then the GF is in a difficult position. Once money has been spent on it, she may feel ungrateful saying she would have preferred something else. If the money is spent and she doesn’t care for it, she may think you (or he) will be offended if she says so. If she’s presented with the 3 choices of sapphires, she may feel obligated to say that she likes syntheic stones more than natural ones even when she doesn’t.
Does your son know for certain his GF likes sapphires better than pearls? Or that she’d prefer the style of the family ring over something else? I think I’d encourage him to give the ring as it is and offer to make whatever changes she wants when they can afford it.
I worked in the jewelry industry about 30 years ago. It was a hometown fine jeweler. hAving dealings with plenty of engagements, I recall a couple of brides to be being very upset upon learning their stone was synthetic. Unless she knows and agrees ahead of time , I would go to great lengths to get the real thing.
I think the using the grandmother’s ring is a great idea !
My daughter got engaged about 6 months ago and she got a sapphire and diamond ring ( it is beautiful ) They are having a very small wedding ( parents , grandparents and siblings only )
I also work in retail with fine jewelry. The first option of buying a stone the jeweler already has and building up the setting causes 2 concerns. The first concern, that you are buying a stone that he is trying to “sell” because he already paid for it and has it in house. It is always preferable for the jeweler to broker you a stone that is specific to your size, quality, and budget constraints. Look for a jeweler that can get at least 2 or 3 stones in on approval for you to consider. The second concern, is the building up of the setting. On a filigree setting, it may look clumsy and take away from the original look of the setting.
Maybe we’re the odd ones out, but I’m with @romanigypsyeyes on this one… I don’t see what all the fuss is about synthetic vs. real stones. You have two structurally and visually identical stones, but the only difference is that one has been sitting in the ground for a long time, has a couple tiny imperfections, and is ten times the price. Is it just the knowledge that your fiancee has spent a lot of money on it, or maybe some associations between synthetic things and cheapness? Maybe a jewelry maven can explain…
Funny anecdote… my niece is an organic chemistry Ph.D. student who met her fiancee at the university (he’s in a different field but also pursuing his doctorate). She insisted on getting a synthetic stone-- not because they were country-mouse-poor grad students (although they were), but because she loved that it was made in a lab! She spends all day synthesizing compounds and thought synthetic jewels were just the coolest thing. Her ring is absolutely stunning.
My first engagement ring (ex fiance) with
was white sapphire. I haven’t the slightest clue whether or not it was synthetic but I hated it. I love sapphire because I love blue and white sapphire was pretty ugly.
I never bothered to wear it and we broke up not too long after. It was clear that in over 4 years of dating, he didn’t really know me. I’m not one to be shy about what I want.
Does she have any siblings or close friends who he can ask if he doesn’t know whether or not she’d like a synthetic?
Unless she’s given you a reason to think she’ll care about “fake” stones, I think it’s a mistake to recommend against synthetic.
IME, people of my generation are more open to synthetic because we’ve grown up hearing about blood diamonds and how manipulative the gem industry is. Of course, ymmv.
I’d go with proposing without a ring, and shopping together (including the heirloom as an option), or proposing with the heirloom ring–which sounds special–and not making a fuss about “upgrading” later and all that, which strikes me as kind of tacky and devalues the whole thing.
At some later date, he might offer to replace the pearl with another stone, for a birthday or anniversary, for example. At which time she would be involved in picking it out, if she wants to. She may be perfectly happy to keep her beautiful, non-cookie-cutter ring.
You have two seemingly identical paintings, one which is painted by Rembrandt, other a forgery. Two seemingly identical pens, one of which was used by Thomas Jefferson in writing the first draft of the Declaration of Independence, the other a perfect copy. Two identical looking fossils, one an authentic fossil of a fern from millions of years ago, the other a recent reproduction …
Why does anyone prefer the first? There is something intangible, ineffable about authenticity that is hard to explain to people who don’t respond to objects.
Why would someone prefer a genuine sapphire? A large part of the appeal of a gemstone for many people is the sheer miracle of its creation – something created over millions of years in the ground, that has been in existence for eons longer than you have, something beautiful that natural processes have created and that humans have found and perfected … It’s an intangible quality that is hard to explain. But if that’s the appeal, then a synthetic stone is not the same thing at all.
That said, if I were your son I’d definitely talk to the girlfriend first and I wouldn’t go further in debt for a ring I couldn’t afford. I’m hoping she loves pearls.
I too wonder , does the GF love sapphires? Maybe she would prefer the ring as it is or maybe she really would rather pick out a simple one at a jewelry store with your DS. If it were my son I would tell him to ask her what she really wants since she will be wearing it for 50 years or so.
Geologist here who has bought multiple synthetic gemstones in jewelry for my family. They are chemically and structurally identical to naturally occurring gems. I love being able to realistically afford nice sized and nice looking gems (and think that $3K for a gemstone is overly extravagant). I do say they are synthetic when I give them, but it hasn’t made any difference so far. We lost a natural emerald from my wife’s engagement ring and will probably replace it with a synthetic stone. That said, for a replacement gemstone in a family heirloom, I would sound her out first.
I just read a whole article and webpage on this because I was intrigued.
Sapphires vs diamonds, sapphires are not as bright and scratch much easier. They often need to be repolished and recut as compared to diamonds.
Also, synthetic stones should be left on jewlry not engagement presents. It should be what your daughter wears as earrings, not what you present as a symbol of forever.
If you can, I would go for the real thing. I also would just wait it out since they don’t have jobs yet.
Let them go shopping together and give her the ring with the pearl that can be replaced later.
I see no problem with a synthetic stone. The ring sounds beautiful.
Again the only question would be is she likes the ring and setting. If she really does not like the ring, they could
do their own desgn and create a new setting.
Sorry, but the 2-3 months salary is just jewelers BS, for how much you should spend. An engagement ring is a token of a promise and love between two people. The strength of that promise is not based on the amount spent on the ring.