“It’s a three-stone ring with two “collet-set” diamonds on each side and, currently, a pearl in the middle. It’s very old-fashioned with a beautiful filligree setting. No one likes the pearl in the middle so we’ve been discussing with the jeweler the possibility of having a sapphire placed in there instead.”
Personally, I’d be less concerned about the synthetic vs not that I would be about the setting. I would not want to wear a filigree setting at all. (Nothing wrong w them, of course, but it’s not to my personal taste.)
My H would have given me a ring just like his mother’s – emerald cut, baguettes, platinum – if he hadn’t think got to ask my preferences. I would have been disappointed, as none of those things are my personal taste. Instead, I have an oval stone, no side stones and a yellow gold band, and it’s perfect for me.
Maybe this was asked and answered, but do we know the girl really would be happy with a filigree setting?
Ha ha – my daughter just told me she’s reading Walter Benjamin’s The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction for a class… Remember that one? All the talk about the destruction of an object’s aura when mechanical reproduction allows for infinite identical copies. I’m sure there’s something in there that would be pertinent to this conversation but I don’t have the patience to wade through that kind of stuff anymore.
The solution is we each get to choose whether we like nature made, man made, heirloom as is, new setting, a fresh start, whatever. That includes the fiancee. Budgets are what they are.
If you love a family heirloom, fine. Just don’t assume the next person will love what you do. Personally, I’m a little uneasy with the idea of a surprise engagement ring (something the woman might be expected to wear all the time.) I like the romantic notion she’s thrilled with it, but you wouldn’t know unless you explored the topic. Otherwise, it feels a little old fashioned. A surprise heirloom is also about what someone else loved. That can be wonderful or not so.
Another issue with filigree or intricate jewelry is that it may be tough for some professions to wear at work. My SisIL wanted and got a very plain band with a diamond and ruby with a setting that had no prongs because she is frequently gloved and washing hands in her profession.
H stopped wearing rings at work when it almost tore his finger off when he was pulling cables at work.
These are just a few random extra thoughts for folks contemplating rings and jewelry purchases.
“The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction…”
But a lab-grown gem is not a reproduction or a replica because every gem is unique. There are no two identical lab-grown gems like there are no two identical natural stones. What identical is the chemical composition (up to a certain digit) and its inherent physical and optical properties. Crystal lattice plus chemical formula are like the genes that make us human… the imperfections and impurities are like tiny variations in the genes and their expression that make us unique. It takes a lot of effort to create and perfect a process that will yield a gem-quality stone, because those will be judged by their appearance in addition to their strength. There are cheap, dull looking lab-grown sapphires that were probably not meant to be used as gems, and there are gorgeous lab-grown sapphires that shine and dazzle.
(My “birth stone” is ruby. I despise the color, so I have done a lot of reading trying to convince a certain individual that giving me sapphire things is identical to giving me ruby things, because except minor impurities, the two stones are identical. Have fun reading:
After everyone’s thoughts on synthetic stones, I’ve decided to ask for one for my birthday, instead of a natural stone. (See, @romanigypsyeyes - we can be taught!). Do normal brick & mortar jewelry stores sell these, or should I look online?
I know I’ll be shot down for this, but I’m also of the mind that diamonds are best for engagement rings. Real diamonds. I would have been very disappointed to get some heirloom ring with a pearl in the middle (or even a sapphire) for an engagement ring.
I would be fine with NOT natural gemstones for other jewelry.
And I still don’t understand how an heirloom ring from the woman’s family can become a gift from the groom (without any money exchanged). If a diamond or other stone (or stones) are taken from a piece and then the groom gets another ring made with those stones, I can more understand it. But if it’s a piece of jewelry which is not changed, then this becomes like the mother who buys a gift “from” a young child for the father, especially when the child didn’t even get to pick it out.
We had three rings. When the fiancé proposed, we offered him a choice of the rings. It was his choice to say yes or no to the choices. They could have decided together to get a stone reset. They decided to get the ring repaired. Fiance paid for the repairs. Why do you see this as an issue? It’s a family ring with a great story history…and they both like it.
I was hoping my daughter might be interested in a ring that my mother still has that belonged to my grandmother. It is a multi-stone diamond ring set in platinum. The stones ( along with the other diamonds ) are not perfectly matched but have a story behind them too. My grandfather was a leather merchant who supplied shoe manufacturers in the New England area…during the depression, once gentleman from a large shoemaker couldn’t afford to pay for the product he had already used , so he paid in diamonds and his company stayed afloat during a difficult time.
My grandfather had rings made for my grandmother with them.
I think I am the only one in the family who likes the ring. My daughter had absolutely no interest in it
I have mentioned this before, so apologies for repeating. We had a family stone that turns out to be a generation older than I thought. My dad had it set in a necklace for my mom. I was never really fond of the way it was set hanging in the necklace, and alwasy offered it up to the first son that got engaged. To add to that, DS#1 and now wife were very into “no blood diamonds”. So he worked with his now wife’s sister to design a setting, and with a jeweler friend herre in town that is a longtime family friend, to reset that stone, and 2 others from the necklace, to make an engagement ring. It was very sentimental and a great use of the stones. I then wore the necklace, that looks fine without those stones. It was sentimental and enjoyed by all. Now, not sure what we will do if/when younger son gets engaged, as the only remaining family stone is mom mom’s and I am wearing that ring. It’s very sentimental . So we have offered to gift younger s the equivalent of what the stones that we gave older son were appraised at.
I think each family decides what works best for them. Some people in a previous thread felt it was risky to give a family heirloom stone to a future dau in law, in case the marriage didn’t last. I can’t think that way. For us, it was perfect and what we wanted to do. We hope that their marriage will last forever. She is a doll!
I will echo the sentiment that one has to be very careful about heirlooms and how the reaction of the recipient. My mother gave (what to me was) a gorgeous monogrammed silver tray to my brother and SIL for their 25th wedding anniversary. It had been belonged to my paternal great grandparents and was engraved with my brother’s (the family’s) last initial. My SIL was furious that my mother “got rid of some old thing” rather than spend the money on a new silver piece for their silver anniversary. I am saddened by the loss of such a beautiful old sentimental piece that has since been melted down and lost to the family.
@nottelling I was thinking the very same thing. I remember that the book deals with mechanical reproduction and the loss of mythic or cultic values in art, I believe that we tend attach mythic and cultic values to our possessions in order to qualify our own self worth. That’s why the young man needs to know exactly what his future bride wants. Her perception is reality. We attach stories to our prize possessions and we convince ourselves that we know what is authentic. Because we have our self worth tied up with that authenticity. Two stones from different sources may look exactly the same, but add the provenance, the story, a price tag or a family history to one and people will be absolutely convinced that they can perceive a physical difference. That’s the cultic or mythic value.
@limulus I would have killed my (future) in law if they were to destroy my families remaining silver spoons(120 years old) with our initials. I would have lost it on him. I am sorry for your loss, that is just plain rude…
That’s terrible limulus ! My husband was given for his recent birthday a lovely silver candy dish that also had a story behind it . It made it that more special to him ( and to me too ) I have my mother in-law’s family silver. I had it for a long time before I actually took a close look , cleaned it up and use it for special occasions. It goes back 5 generations.
My sister in law has no clue that it is worth anything , or else I am certain she would have liked to get her hands on it and sell it for cash. She has zero interest in any heirlooms , or the family history for that matter
Oh my, limulus. My family silver includes a large set bought with a house (the sellers were unloading all sorts of things.) Happens to have our family surname initial and we love it all the same. I know my grandparents bought some things at auction or were given them by older friends. Doesn’t matter to us.
Oh, actually, I also have two other sets of flatware my grandmother got with another house. They are still beautiful to us. And I know some pieces of jewelry my grandfather gave me were 2nd hand. (He was in the diamond business for a while, later liked to haunt auctions, sometimes re-use stones. He thought the beauty of the finished piece was what mattered.)
When my mom was downsizing she lay out all of the family silver and china in the living room and asked that my sister and I pick out what we wanted. Most of it went back to the early and mid 19th century(.I wanted it all. And I gladly took it all since there was a family story attached to each piece.) . But I was crushed by the look on my mom’s face when my clueless sister said she didn’t want any of it. It’s as if she was telling mom that her past was of no value.
I have to admit musicamusica , if given the opportunity to have any of the family china , I would pass on it because I just don’t like fine china. Did your sister choose any other things that may have had some special meaning to her ?
There are cheap, dull looking lab-grown sapphires that were probably not meant to be used as gems, and there are gorgeous lab-grown sapphires that shine and dazzle.
Big kid who is a future MD also would not want a large stone. Her ring fits inside gloves nicely.