No-- my sister does not understand sentimentality, history, beauty, or special meaning. (or anything else for that matter) The china is gorgeous but I currently have it in storage so that I can pass it on. ( I already have a set that I never use) But I really took it because it was so special to my mom. It was her grandmother’s set. She was standing there anxious to know that we appreciated what she valued. I think when we are dealing with things that others value we need to tread carefully.
And another thing. My sister, after watching the Antiques Roadshow, recently figured out that she passed on some of the Victorian sterling that has a very high monetary value. And is she MAD. :))
I agree that when we are dealing with things that others value we need to treat carefully, which is why I think it can be a real pitfall to “present” a young woman with an engagement ring that was designed for someone else’s tastes and expect her to be delighted. (Not saying that describes the OP’s situation, just a general observation.)
My grandfather wore a ruby ring for many years. My mom gave it to me when he died. She said she thought that maybe one of my sons would want to wear it when they were older. While I’m glad my mom gave it to me I really don’t think that any of my son are going to want to wear it. Peoples tastes are different. That why I would be careful about using a family ring for an engagement ring and make sure the GF loves the ring and not that she says she does because she doesn’t want the future MIL to feel bad.
@hayden I’m glad people can change 
This just happens to be not one of my flagship issues. I was just frustrated by the blatantly untrue statements which were being thrown around.
Happy early birthday and I hope you get exactly what you want
When I got engaged / married, I already had a ruby ring and a sapphire ring from my parents. I would most explicitly not have wanted sapphires on an engagement ring!
When H and I went ring shopping–in the diamond district in NYC-- I knew I wanted an emerald or a sapphire. I quickly ascertained that an emerald of the type I would like would be MUCH too expensive. We moved on to sapphires. I’m not a big fan of diamonds. I like large emerald cut ones, but that wasn’t happening either!
It’s all so personal - it’s not just personal taste, but it’s also something you’re going to wear every day of the rest of your life.
I was in a jewelry store the other day getting something repaired and as I was waiting, there was a young man with what was apparently a marquise cut diamond that he was having put into a ring, and he was asking the other women in the store what they thought of it. I wasn’t involved in the conversation, but I have to say: That’s the kind of stone where you either like it or don’t. It’s hard not to like a plain round stone - that’s pretty classic. Something like a pear, marquise or emerald cut is more niche in nature and it’s a difficult position for a young woman to be in if she genuinely doesn’t care for that style and yet it has meaning / sentiment to the man or his family.
I agree with you Consolation. I love nice , clear emeralds, but they are so expensive. Emerald cut diamond as well as pears look better when they are large. They just don’t shine as much if small because of the cut.
My daughter’s best friend wears a amethyst ring as her engagement and wedding ring. So many traditions are changing with our children’s generation , and not just with the wedding jewelry.
I can’t imagine wanting a ring that costs more that a luxury car , but I guess that’s what some people like
I think having the bride-to-be involved in the choice of an engagement ring is really important. I also like the idea of using family heirlooms. It must be possible to find a jewelry designer who could use the stones from the heirloom ring/rings and create something new and something in which the bride-to-be has input? Would she go for something like that? Personally, I’d prefer to have an engagement ring that was my own.
I
If the engagement couple is happy with a ring choice…when ter new or a family ring or stone from either side of the family…that is all that matters. We were thrilled that our engaged couple chose to accept our gift. But we would have been fine with a different decision on their parts. I think is a wonderful gift that some of us are able to offer family a family jewel or ring to our kids.
I had 2 sets of silver- from my grandmother and my mother. I asked DIL which she wanted. SHe loved the more ornate one of my grandmother’s (I thought she’d prefer the Danish pattern but I was wring)… We has a pretty comprehensive service for 12 and shipped it to her over the holidays. SHe recently sent a photo of a luncheon they had and had used they silver. That was so sweet.
OP here.
So S1 has decided to show her the ring in its current state, as well as another heirloom ring, and ask her what she’d like. I need to mail the ring to him. What’s the best way to do that?
registered mail with a required signature…insure it well
Man I wish I could type!!
I was wrong about the pattern my DIL would like, but I am so glad she is getting good use out of it. It just sat in our closet for a very long time. Now if I could only get the kids to take the china and crystal…
VH-
Get them appraised, and insured. Then you can ship Fedex or UPS. UPS will insure up to the value of the jewelry- Fedex does not. When we shipped the ring to DS across country, we hid the box inside with a bunch of other stuff (a book, socks, and whatever) and then sent it signature required. Didn’t send it UPS. But we did send the silver, insured, with UPS. That ended up costing initially almost $200. But we sent it 2 day delivery and it took 3, so we eventually got out money back!
We have a portrait of an ancestor of H’s painted by his brother, who also did a portrait of Lincoln, so apparently he was a reasonably well-regarded professional. Anyway, when we inherited it, I took to a UPS store and had them pack it and insured it for $3K, but didn’t think of requiring a signature. I have no idea how much it is actually worth. It was supposed to arrive the day after we came home. Instead, when we got home, I found it sitting on the porch, where it had apparently been overnight!
Luckily, we live in a very low-crime area.
I definitely recommend requiring a signature. It might make more sense to ship it to your S at his office, if he has one, and if someone is more likely to be there during the day.
I would recommend having your son first start by showing her high quality pictures of the two rings to get her preliminary views. She might be able to tell immediately that one or both is not to her taste, in which case you could avoid the whole shipping issue.
I have not read this whole thread so forgive me if I am saying something someone else said. Also, full disclosure, I worked in jewelry for many years at some very high end well known jewelry stores and others.
That being said, I would NEVER want to wear a faux stone for the rest of my married life. If the real thing (which is the hardest stone, along with rubies, after diamonds–so you do not need the extra hardness of the faux) cost $3000 extra, that amounts to an extra $300/yr over 10yrs or or 82 cents per day. And I hope the marriage lasts much longer than that.
The real stone will maintain value and the ring will still be an heirloom.
Maintain value? Sentimental - yes, possibly. Monetary? Unless it is a true one of a kind, handcrafted by famous artist piece - not so much. Please take a look at what gemstones are selling for on Yoogis etc. The owner is lucky to recover pennies on the dollar spent.
$3,000 is a lot - a lot! - to a poor graduate student. Only a person who has never looked inside an empty fridge and empty wallet and wondered what he is going to eat tomorrow would dismiss it as “only $300 a year.”