<p>So let me get this straight: a wealthy family who lives on one coast decides to have the wedding on the opposite coast in a resort area. This resort area happens to have relatives in the general vicinity. Yet they chose to have the wedding at a small facility and invite only people who have to fly cross-country - not the relatives who could conceivably drive. And not the grandmother. </p>
<p>Geesh - you’d think if they only wanted the people near them to attend, they’d hold it near their own home. To hold a wedding far from your home but near your relatives’ homes, and then NOT invite the nearby relatives - well I’m sorry, that’s kind of a blatant slap in the face or someone who is completely clueless.</p>
<p>In the end, it is your husband’s call. It’s his brother and his mother. If he wants to let sleeping dogs lie, then so be it.</p>
<p>for what its worth, if D’s grandma had been unable to make the trip for the wedding,we were planning to Skype the ceremony lots of techie’s available on both ends to help and the venue had wifi</p>
<p>Obviously the groom’s family was not terribly concerned about Grandma attending if she had not been notified where the wedding was going to be prior to receiving the invitation. This doesn’t seem to be a large family; if there was any relationship between the groom’s family and the grandmother, one would assume there would have been discussions about the upcoming wedding over the past few previous months.</p>
<p>And if Grandma doesn’t feel up to traveling that far anyway, and husband/uncle/son of Grandma wants to just forget it, I’d just forget it. It is what it is.</p>
<p>I also think it is naive to think the bride’s family just “didn’t know” that Granny couldn’t get herself there. Really? Nobody mentioned that Uncle should be invited so he can bring granny? The groom isn’t 12. I think he knows that Granny is old and doesn’t drive. If they didn’t contact her or another relative about bringing her then they really don’t care if she comes. Did he not have a say in the limited guest list. He should have said, “hey, if we invite Granny how will she get there? I really want her to come so let’s invite Uncle.” If I were the groom’s family I wouldn’t accept that no other uncles/aunts are coming. People are grown-ups and need to accept that exceptions have to be made for special circumstances.</p>
<p>Is Granny coherent enough to care whether she goes or not? If Granny cares, then make a call. If not, leave it. Maybe the poor groom will be sad she didn’t come, but really, who cares? He or his parent should have included her in the plans. I think we had to send a car to pick up my grandmother for some occasion, might have been a special birthday or something. It’s what you do when you want to see someone. </p>
<p>What stands out to me as a possible explanation to this story are two things - the MIL’s “fuzzy” memory and the fact that this event is being held out of state in a small inn.</p>
<p>It may be that this is a very tiny destination wedding, with only immediate families of the bride and groom, the grandmother, and the closest friends of the couple invited. Or maybe the couple are in control of the guest list and limiting it to those closest to them. As the recent “eloping” thread points out there could be many circumstances that could explain a small wedding: preference , finances , dynamics among family members, size of the bride’s family, even disapproval of the match itself. </p>
<p>I agree with a previous poster that it makes no sense that your BIL, who speaks to your MIL weekly, has not discussed the wedding with her. Is it possible that she is even more foggy at this time than you realize? How is her hearing, especially on the phone? Could your BIL have told her the location and discussed the possibility of her coming? Maybe she didn’t hear, misunderstood, told BIL she couldn’t possibly attend, and then forgot all the details of this conversation. If so, the BIL sent the invitation as a memento. </p>
<p>Under the circumstances, I think someone really needs to pick up the phone , call your BIL, and deliver DeskPotato’s perfectly phrased line. There are just too many “maybes.”</p>