@NorthernMom61
Maybe. Perhaps I could all of a sudden develop a new hobby from something out of left field. But after personal experiences, I shouldn’t be too optimistic about anything.
Optimism is one of the things that will make the biggest difference. If you believe that you can improve whatever it is you are unhappy about you are more likely to be successful. If you remain pessimistic it will be very hard to override those feelings. Changing something you want to be different is extremely hard, takes persistent and consistent effort, and takes time. There is nothing magic that will suddenly happen to turn things around for you socially.
If there are too many mental barriers to change for you right now, then an alternative is to embrace your solitary, academic self, and seek rewards that come from the freedom of having no social pressures. Take on a big literary series that you’ve always wanted to read, marathon running, or anything individually time consuming that could otherwise interfere with steady relationships.
The most wonderful part of being a college student is the chance to try different ways of being.
@NorthernMom61
Well, I’m just playing it by ear since I’m not that good at mapping my year. Either way, it’s one of those things in life which someone like me can never really overcome (at least completely). Also, I’m not as much of a reader as I used to be nor am I in any shape to be running in a marathon.
At this point, the only thing I can do is acknowledge that I will always be a loser in life. I don’t think I’m good at really relating to others, especially other males.
@NHuffer
I’ve tried faking it til I make it but it ultimately does not work for someone like me who’s on the autistic spectrum. I know this from experience.
Having ASD does present challenges socially, and anxiety to go with it. Keep on trying different counselors for support, talk to your parents about your worries, and do the best you can. Make sure you don’t get too sad over a long period of time and ask for help when you need it. Noone can convince you that you aren’t a loser, you have to discover that there are all kinds of people who make up this world. They aren’t better or worse, just different, and that is okay, in fact that is great.
@wizman631 Not all counseling/therapy is the same. @NorthernMom61 is right on: “Keep on trying different counselors for support”
Sometimes all it takes is a different therapist or a different kind of therapy to get a drastically different result. Don’t dismiss the whole thing just on the basis of 10 sessions with one particular therapist and therapy.
Think about what your goals from therapy would be. E,g, “I would like to believe that I am not a loser” or “I would like to feel comfortable at large social gatherings.” Then try different therapists, or different therapies with the same therapist, until you find one that is helping you progress toward those goals.
@DreamSchlDropout
What do you mean different kinds of therapy? Keep in mind that this is on-campus counseling and psychological services.
I don’t know if it is offered through your school, but there is Social Skills Therapy. It teaches and reinforces the skills you need to succeed socially, and is typically geared to those individuals that are on the autism spectrum as well as those that have ADHD, etc.
@Sstephc
I received Social Skills Therapy in high school and it worked somewhat. Unfortunately, it’s not offered at my school, but there is a mentoring program for those on the spectrum where they work one-on-one with student mentors to work on social skills. It gave me someone to talk to, but that’s all it did for me.
@wizman631
Honest advice: GO TO THE GYM!!
I see that you’re stressed and prone to intense anxiety. I had a similar first year experience to yours at Rice and visited counseling around 5 times over the year. After getting back home, I joined a local gym, began lifting weights, and started taking dance classes. I’m feeling much better now.
You can overcome this anxiety; don’t let it beat you!
@Fredjan
I would if I was athletic in the slightest bit.
So yeah, sophomore year has started and I am unfortunately in a worse emotional state now than I was at this time last year. Ultimately, it just seems that it can’t be fixed no matter what I try.
The best way to not feel like a loser, as you put it, is to help someone else. Habitat for Humanity, your community food pantry, big brother/big sister, voter registration . . . there is a lot of need out there. My suggestion is to find three different ways that you can make a contribution this month. Then come back at the end of the month and tell us about it.
@MidwestDad3
Thanks for the advice, but the problem lies in the fact that I basically am friendless and have no one who I can reliably turn to. Basically everyone who I was even remotely close to last year stopped texting me (heck they never went out of their way to text me so I had to do the lifting there). I was basically nothing but a burden for them to put up with I’ve only been texting my parents because they are the closest things to friends I have and can 100% trust. Sitting by myself at the dining hall 9 times out of 10 hasn’t done me any favors. I reached an all time emotional low in February of last semester and it wasn’t pretty. Clubs haven’t done much for me since middle school up to now (and the club fair is Thursday and I’m not looking forward to it) and I tried counseling since late February but it didn’t work. I feel like I’ll just somehow have to cope and accept the fact that I always have been a loser and always will be.
I think you are missing my point. You don’t need a friend in order to volunteer at a local retirement home. Just go and sit with some of the people. Talk to them, and listen to their stories. When you start helping them, you stop being a loser.
The lack of friends is why I feel like a loser though.
First of all, you are not a loser. You keep referring to yourself as one and that needs to stop. You have to work on your self esteem. There are lots of books and articles available to help. Also, have you seen a counselor at your college? Besides for helping with social skills, they should also be able to work with you on self esteem. Previously you mentioned having ASD. Are you signed up with disability office at your school? Why not go in there and speak with someone? They work with students that have special needs of one kind or another, and these same students often have self esteem issues. I assure you that you are not the only one, and won’t be the first nor the last. Problems with social skills and self esteem often go hand in hand.
I’m registered with my school’s Office of AccessAbility Services for minor accommodations although I occasionally go to them to talk about my issues when they call me up about midway and at the end of each semester about my overall emotional state. Now as far as counseling goes, I already attended individual sessions since the end of February but for some reason it doesn’t seem to work. And I am also not looking forward to the Clubs and Activites Fair Tomorrow since I really don’t know what I’m interested in (although I am already paid t ofnHistory Club and looking to join Economics) and clubs in generally have never helped my social situation since middle school.
Please continue with counseling. At the very least it will give you someone to vent to and that can give you feedback. You need to open yourself up to the idea that it can help and will if you let it. As for the activities club fair, I will give you the same advice that I would give my own child. Try new ones that you did not try freshman year. History and economics are great but perhaps try adding in a community or social service club so you can feel good about helping others. Not sure if your school has religion based clubs or not, but one of your faith could be a great place to meet others with similar moral values. You do not have to be a religious person to participate. Please let us know how counseling is going and remember to go in with a good attitude.