<p>I find it odd that people would comment on a book they have not read. The author is thoughtful and her points have merit. I contacted her and have attached her reply and my original correspondance:</p>
<p>I’m glad that my book was able to spark such meaningful questions and dialogue–that, after all, was the ultimate goal of telling my story. You’re right that as competitive as the modern campus may be, at least it’s more diverse and meritocratic than a few decades ago–as you point out, “Laura Newland from Alabama” never would have had those same opportunities before. As great as this diversity and meritocracy are, however, I think they would be more impactful if you took out the extreme financial pressures placed on students. If you can’t afford to get an internship, for example, or you can’t stomach the thought of hundreds of thousands in loans for med school, then are colleges really creating diversity of opportunity? There’s been a lot of progress to be sure, but there’s still this dark side of college life, which hopefully I shed some light on.</p>
<p>As for your daughter…I’m not a parent and I can only imagine how difficult it must be. All I can say is that, for the most part, I was given the freedom to figure things out on my own and I think I’m better for it.</p>
<p>All the best, and many thanks for the support. And I do encourage you to spread the word about my book!
Laura</p>
<p>Dear Laura</p>
<p>I just finished your wonderful and thought provoking treatise. You manage to encapsulate an engaging coming of age story within the greater context of the role of education and commerce in our nation. This, as you know, is a complex issue with profound implications to our children and society. You have effectively illuminated the topic and provided the groundwork for thoughtful consideration and debate. I will encourage my daughter to take note so that she may better understand and be prepared for the realities and choices she will soon face.
The dilemma for the thoughtful and loving parent, or mentor, seeking to enable our children is problematic. The mission itself is clear and straightforward: Empower our children to have the opportunity to lead productive lives filled with passion, satisfaction, love and happiness. However the path there and the correct guidance to give are clouded in ambiguity.</p>
<p>An underlying theme of your book urges for a re-evaluation of the role of higher education in our society. I sensed a longing for an idealized campus of yore; where education, for the sake of education itself, is encouraged and valued. Where ideas are discussed, philosophies explored, and intellects allowed to bloom. In such an environment, young adults are able to intellectually grow and mature in a natural and unhurried rhythm, free from the debilitating and counterproductive fears of “falling behind” in a race to nowhere. The implication being that such an environment will produce more thoughtful citizen leaders and a society where priorities and values seamlessly merge for the good. This is in fact the myth that is sold to the parent and the student alike in the glossy college brochures is it not?</p>
<p>But I question if such a world ever really existed in American higher education. It is easy to forget that The Ivy League was previously, and still retains a certain vestige as, the bastion of America’s elite where entrance was granted not through a meritocracy but through birth. These were finishing schools for our future leaders. A gentlemanly C was more than adequate and while genuine intellectual exploration and debate may have existed; more likely, the day to day revelry more closely resembled an Auburn tailgate than a French existentialist café. These were the individuals that filled the positions of our nation’s Capital and J.P. Morgan alike. Entrance was exclusive and no exceptions were granted.</p>
<p>The transformation to todays much changed reality is beyond the scope of this note. While true meritocracy may still yet to exist, suffice it to say that Laura Newland from Auburn Alabama would not have been interviewed by J.P. Morgan nor would she had received an offer from a Wall Street consulting firm that she chose not to accept. Accordingly, performance now matters and exceptionalism is demanded. You had the opportunity to relish your epiphany because the door of opportunity was still open and yours alone to shut. This brings me back to the central dilemma and irony facing the loving parent: We have two contradictory paths to balance.
On the one hand I too long for an intellectual and educational utopia for my children. I would like nothing more than for them to find and explore their passions in an organic and natural progression from curiosity to commitment. If they fall along the way, this too is good because it is how we react to failure, not our successes that teach us the most important lessons and builds true character. I want their lives to be of self-discovery where their victories and setbacks alike are their own.</p>
<p>On the other hand, competition begins at an early age and doors of opportunity shut definitively and quickly. Emma did not ask you to become a banker but when you approached her she only pointed out the normative truth: If you wish to become a banker the race has started and you are behind. As parents we realize our children do not even understand that the race has begun, let alone the rules and nuances of the game. While I idealize a world where my children are able to explore at their own pace and learn from their own failures, I equally realize that options are eliminated at a very early age. Small “mistakes” shut and lock doors of opportunity in the unforgiving and hypercompetitive world that is our reality, not the reality we wish it might be. </p>
<p>Should I allow my daughter to learn on her own in hindsight that she really should have tried harder in that AP Calculus class and gotten an A because that C shut the door on gaining entrance to 10 schools and that B in English Literature shut the door on the next 20? Or should I attempt to keep those doors open for her, knowing she certainly can get an A in those subjects, and knowing that she may not yet comprehend the consequences of her actions? Should I set up the lead internship opportunity with the Obama campaign and the paid internship at the local Biotech Company, knowing these are the necessary minimal pre-requisites for admission to Duke or let her “discover” and explore opportunities on her own? In the end my daughter was fortunate to be accepted ED and will be attending Duke in the Fall of 2014, but I truly do not care if she had chosen Duke, UVA, UCLA or Tulane, truly I do not. But as a loving parent I would like her to have the opportunity for that to be her choice. One where all paths remain available and like yourself, she can take pride in the realization that she walked the course of her own making, on her own terms, through her own decisions. </p>
<p>But you might argue then are the doors she walks through and ultimately the room she arrives at truly of her own making? Perhaps she is simply taking the elaborately choreographed path dictated to her by an overzealous parent and encouraged by misguided societal incentives. I don’t have a right answer on the appropriate balance between these seemingly diametrically opposed dispositions. It is a fine balance and much depends on the child’s disposition. I hope that you find your own answers and are able to navigate this path in a way that works for you and your children in the future. My very best wishes for your continued success in the deepest sense of the word.</p>
<p>With thoughtful and kind regards,</p>
</p>