I noticed an interesting age difference today. I am a female over 60. My yoga teacher (female also over 60), made an announcement that she will be moving. I didn’t even pause - I immediately hugged her and wished her luck. The young woman next to me (I am thinking in her 20’s) asked the teacher “Is it OK if I hug you?” the teacher said sure and then she hugged her. I honestly would never have thought of asking, to me it was a spontaneous gesture.
So, what etiquette rules do you see that young people are following, that we old folks would never have done. I am thinking of positive ones, not the stuff that we old people would consider rude.
Unless I know the person really, really well - like family or very close friends, I often ask if I can hug them.
I also nearly always text before i call!
Asking about preferred pronouns. I’m gen X and, while there were definitely nonbinary and transgender people in my school/work environment, it never would have occurred to me to ask. In retrospect, I would have thought I was being rude and/or invading someone’s privacy.
I do this…because some people just aren’t huggers, or have negative emotions related to it, etc.
I’ve noticed this, but rarely do it myself.
I haven’t asked for preferred pronouns (yet), but I’ve definitely tried to de-gender my language when possible. Additionally/alternatively, I was recently in a Sunday school class where we were role-playing parent/teenager roles. Since I was going to be the teenager, I asked the other adult what parental title they wanted me to use. (Our church also has a number of LGBTQ folks, including the T and nonbinary, so I thought it best to ask although I had suspicions as to the answer.)
The really hard part is being proactive and being the first to reveal my own preferred pronouns before expecting the other person to do so. Unless someone else (usually, a much younger third person) starts the ball rolling, it never occurs to me.
I have also worked hard on saying “they/them” unless I’m certain of their desired pronoun. I’m she/her but would never be offended if someone said they/them or asked my preference.
As vegans (and one with peanut allergies) we’ve been pretty aware of asking about dietary restrictions for years.
In our family, we consider these things courtesy asks.
Me too, I would ask - but likely not hug. Not everyone is a hugger. I am not always comfortable hugging people when other people who know someone the same as I do just go for it. Family and close friends yes, but not bosses or co-workers (unless they’ve become friends outside of work).
I just go with the usual norm and figure if anyone doesn’t follow that, they will bring it up so I don’t need to ask, whether that is a handshake, preferred language of conversation, hearing troubles, preferences for pronouns, whatever.
Most people know what the usual is in context. At a senior facility? Check for hearing. In an ethnically diverse group? Maybe language. It really isnt that hard to figure out in any given situation, and if there is an exception, they can speak up.
When hearing hoofbeats in Texas, think horses not zebras
