<p>interesting new study out:
<a href=“http://www.sltrib.com/utah/ci_2714659[/url]”>http://www.sltrib.com/utah/ci_2714659</a></p>
<p>I was struck by the percentages of “mean” girls: I thought the 20 percent mark sounded about right to me. :(</p>
<p>well I knew mormon life was stressful for the women- but I didn’t realize how stressful.
I have never met a four year old that could be considered to be “mean”- perhaps parents in Seattle are more easy going?
While my daughters have attended different sorts of schools
( very competitive private schools for older- private and public schools for younger)
I can count on one hand the girls that both of them have had trouble with. My older daughter had trouble with one girl ( not a clique) in grade school-that was based on personality differences- they became friends in middle school.
My younger daughter had a couple girls who pushed her buttons ( which was very easy to do) in elementary- but after a few years they both learned better social skills.
My younger daughter and her friends are very tight- really nice girls who would do anything for each other- really nice to see- because with her aspergers traits- it took her a while to make friends.</p>
<p>and we’ve all been on the receiving end at one time or another, haven’t we? Very interesting, thanks for posting.</p>
<p>My D (7) and her classmate (also 7) attended the Philadelphia International Children’s Festival at UPenn yesterday. At one point, I noticed that another little girl (maybe 7 or 8) was talking to them and something about the little girl’s demeanor (eye rolling and looking my D and her friend up and down) made me go over to ask what was being said. </p>
<p>As I approached, the little girl turned her back to me and rolled her eyes one last time. My D said the little girl walked up and asked my D and her friend if they wanted to be freinds with her. They said OK. Then she started to ask them where they got their clothes…telling them what she liked and disliked. She then told them that their face paint was “messed up” and was “about to get more messed up”. </p>
<p>I have no idea wha this was about…and the little girl gave me the bad vibes from 30 feet away. My D and her friend were totally confused…and pretty much just stood there looking at this girl trying to figure out what was happening. </p>
<p>I had to have “the chat” last night…about “some girls”…and what to think about girls who are just mean (and why they might act that way).</p>
<p>My 6th grader was very upset by a situation in kindergarten. A girl, a bit older than the rest, started a club, and one of the qualifications was that you had to swim all the way across the pool to be in it. This girl was also a master of the “if you play with her, you won’t be my friend” game. I remember thinking, oh my gosh, this is starting already in kindergarten? I also pointed out to my D that I happened to know that none of the members of the “club” could actually swim all the way across the pool anyway (only in their imaginations!). Guess what, the girl mellowed quite a bit as time passed, in third grade they became best friends for awhile until this girl moved to another school. </p>
<p>I don’t know if the 20% figure is right or not. Could be. As far as I know my 6th grader only has problems like this with ONE girl. The older D, though, a 10th grader, claims that her school is loaded with them.</p>
<p>This does not suprise me in the least…And it is universal…I dealt with it in school, my Ds both have…</p>
<p>It doesn’t have to be that many girl bullies around to try and make peoples lives miserable. One is plenty. And then you have their soldiers.</p>
<p>The ones that are hardest to deal with are the charming, smart bullies who manage to get others to do their dirty work. They get away with it because the can charm the teachers and adults. </p>
<p>What helped my Ds was buying some of the books out their, Queen B and Wannabees, Odd Girl Out, and the like.</p>
<p>I just had them around the house. They read them and were able to see what was going on from another person. It was really helpful. It was so bad in our school, 2 kids hurt themselves.</p>
<p>But the mean girls got away because their meanness didn’t involve anthing physical.</p>
<p>One time, my D wore tall socks to sports practice. The mean girls laughed at her, asked her “um, why the socks. gigigigle”</p>
<p>The next week, low and behold, several had long socks!!!</p>
<p>But of course it was all their idea. At that point, my D was really able to laugh at how pathetic the whole thing was…She made it her mission to come up with new fashions to see how quickly it took them to copy her and claim it was their own idea. Got pretty funny after awhile.</p>
<p>I dont know if it starts by age four but certainly it is in full force by 6 years old. There was a girl in my Ds first grade class that was mean and manipulative. One Friday when I went to pick D up from school - this girl ran to my car, jumped into the back seat announcing she was sleeping over for the weekend because my D had invited her. Of course D hadnt invited her but was too shocked/speechless to say anything just kept shaking her head no. Well I couldnt get in contact with her parents until Saturday afternoon. They had gone skiing for the weekend believing their daughter was invited to my house. I found it interesting that they did NOT call me before Friday or during the time their child was at my house. They had NEVER met me or my H until we dropped their daughter off Sunday night. Go figure?</p>
<p>
The article does not say the BYU researchers studied only morman girls. You have no way of knowing whether life is stressful for mormon women because you are obviously not one. I believe your comment reflects your assumptions and stereotypes rather than your knowlege of facts regarding mormons.</p>
<p>In case anyone wants to know – no I am not mormon.</p>
<p>TutuTaxi–bizarre story. It is very understandable that the little girl has problems if parents don’t even take the time to meet/see/talk to the adults in a family she is staying with for the first time. Very odd.</p>
<p>I’m not mormon but used to live with a lot of mormon women. I think it’s a very big assumption/generalization to say that mormom life is stressful for women. Refer back to the Marite’s good bye post, we should try to refrain from making these kinds of flammatory comments(unknownly of course) in a public forum.</p>
<p>I have read a great deal about the restrictions and expectations for women in the LDS church.
I have friends who have left the church and have been shunned by their families
My sister is also a mormon and the most stressed woman I know in that income bracket. Having to stay at home instead of in the workforce, having to have many children ( my sister has 5) on less income than other two parent families- that alone is going to be very stressful.</p>
<p>Percentage wise 50% of Salt Lake residents are Mormon and 23% are under 18. If you go outside SLC, the percentage of residents who belong to the church go up even higher.
Despite the supposed support and structure the LDS church provides for its members- more Utahns’ are on antidepressants than in any other state.
You don’t think there is a connection?
Sorry if somebody is insulted by what I am saying- I am not trying to be inflammatory - but stating my opinion like others here.
I think it shoudl be a concern that Utah seems to have a very high rate- some studies show double- of people that are on medication for depression/stress.</p>
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<p>When my husband and I heard this story on the news, we recalled an incident at my D’s preschool when she was 3 and 4 (now a rising senior). The big game among the little girls was “You’re not my friend”. One taller more dominant girl had all of the rest of the girls aligned against my D. We learned this when we got to the school because my D bit the other girl on the arm. When the teacher commented to my D (who at this time was able to read computer manuals) “A, you have so many words! Why didn’t you use your words instead of biting J?” My D replied “I was so angry there were no words left in my mind…so I bit her!” She remembers the feelings this invoked even now.</p>
<p>I am NOT trying to offend anyone or any group. And Im not sure if there is a correlation with the topic under discussion in this thread but I would like to make one correction. The # of prescriptions for benzodiazepines (anti-anxiety class of medications) per capita is highest in the state of Utah. It should also be noted that among the Utah-male population their # of prescriptions for this class is not significantly different from the rest of the male population in the USA.</p>
<p>Did you know there are more Mormons in California then in Utah? Yeap that is one person’s view(your sister). I happen to know a lot of happy not stressful Mormons. Yes I have relatives who are Mormon and ex-Mormon without going to the specific of it.
Having lots of kids is stressful(Mormon or not) period. However, that would end my discussion of this subject without hijacking the OP thread.</p>
<p>my oldest daughter bit- but I wouldn’t have characterized her as a “mean” girl. On the contrary- she had a lot of friends- but when she would arrive at preschool they would all rush her and it freaked her out so she would grab one and chomp.
She eventually learned to help herself take transitions slower and they learned to give her some space.
It is true that girls are often more about relationships- but perhaps for that reason, even now my older daughters closer friends are male. My younger daughter does have mostly if not all girl friends- but when she was younger most of hers also were male.
Just not into that social stuff as much.
Instead of freaking out about it- I think we can use it as a tool to help kids become more articulate and self aware as well as socially mature.
I don’t see that because a 3 year old isn’t happy go lucky in the classroom as a sign that they will grow up to be a thug.
But perhaps we put more pressure on girls to “play nice” than we do boys.
Maybe more girls need to be allowed & encouraged to roughhouse- and play war- not just paint pictures.
( and more boys need to be allowed and encouraged to express and identify their feelings- there would be fewer men with wives filing for divorce wondering what happened)</p>
<p>Meanness just about ruined my D’s high school experience. It actually started quite late in her Junior year, but in a small school it was so hard to avoid knowing who was hateful to whom. She tried to ignore it, refused to join in the hatefulness. What is interesting is that the mean girl was absolutely sugar to me and all the adults around her thought she was fabulous. Citygirlsmom is right on in post #6. I was especially happy that D found about 14 REAL friends when she went to college, as that did a lot to undo the damage.</p>
<p>I have a cousin who is now 6 that lives with me… when she was 5 she had a “boyfriend”… for a week. He would call the house every night to talk to her and everything. She broke up with him because he was “too pushy and didn’t know how to treat a girl.” Apparently he told her to cook him food on the play kitchen at school and she thought that it would be nice if he cooked for her for a change… he disagreed, and so she broke up with him. Apparently they are still friends. </p>
<p>I just had to laugh when she told me that story, because it sounded like something a 16 year old would say when breaking up with a guy.</p>
<p>yeah, for a while my daughter seems to have more boys for friend, note, it’s not boyfriends because girls in middle school are too catty(is there such word?). But she’s since switched to have more girl friends because all the boys talk about is videogame, while some of her girl friends do have some more meaningful conversation</p>
<p>pretty much all of my friends are guys. i’d rather live with guys than girls. that’s just me though. most girls are just way too petty.</p>
<p>I used to be a mean girl. I guess. </p>
<p>Growing up around millions of cousins who did millions of amazing things, I grew up fast and wanted to grow up faster. I visit my cousins’ schools, hung out with their friends, went to their practices, and picked up a lot of high school/middle school “rules.” </p>
<p>Remember those little girls who wanted to grow up like right now? That was me. I got married in first grade, did makeovers during third, went steady in fourth, had pink hair in 5th (well, I tried with pink crayon melted by a glue gun). I also formed the first clique in my elem. school. </p>
<p>I was the girl who had the first big sleepover, and mailed out Barbie invitations to everyone but you. </p>
<p>I was the girl who picked out the best lunch table, and made you sit on the corner edge, almost falling off. </p>
<p>I was the girl with the Friends Only binder, that only the selected few got to write in. </p>
<p>I was the girl who had the biggest bag of Sourheads, and said “here’s one for you, and you and… oh…well…” you never got one. But I still got an invitation to your birthday party. </p>
<p>I had no clue I was like this, that it was a mean thing. It was an attitude I picked up from my cousins, just the way I ‘naturally’ was, I guess. I didn’t even remember until a year or so ago at a sleepover with some old friends, and someone brought up our elem. school days. </p>
<p>“I remember how mean you were.” </p>
<p>“Me?”</p>