<p>A young woman who will soon marry into my extended family is throwing herself a combo birthday party/engagement party at a restaurant. The evite’s text includes the price per person for food and drinks. </p>
<p>While industry and alumni groups have used this format for events, it’s the first time I’ve seen it for a personal party. Is this a new trend? She may feel it’s ingenious crowdsourcing for an event she wants to have but presumably cannot afford. To me, it blurs the lines between etiquette, hospitality, and marketing, and feels like I’d be buying a ticket.</p>
<p>Not that I have ever heard of. If you are throwing a party, you are hosting the party. Though, I do know people who plan to all casually meet up at a restaurant to celebrate something but it isn’t a formal “party” with a host and in that case everybody pays for themselves… it seems this woman is blending two things in an unflattering way.</p>
<p>That’s a bit much, IMO. If this young woman has financial constraints, then perhaps a friend could have sent out such an invite as the organizer of the event.
The engagement party is usually handled by the grooms family, although this couple may not be traditional. I think she is going to end up ruffling a few feathers in the end.</p>
<p>Ah, so many violations of proper etiquette! I hope the inlaws to be aren’t sticklers or that at least have a short memory. In some families, this is the type of blunder that could be held against her forever.</p>
<p>Well the good news is she’s let you know up front you are expected to pay up, so if you don’t want to just turn down the invitation. It’s much better than discovering once you are at the “party” you are expected to contribute.</p>
<p>There are two issues at play here. There is nothing wrong with using Evite - I receive lots of personal invitations on Evite - it’s a great way to invite people to a casual party, and especially good for potlucks in helping coordinate dishes. </p>
<p>On the other hand, giving a party for yourself and asking people to pay their way is rude.</p>
<p>Throwing a party for yourself to celebrate a birthday/engagement and not paying for anything is not something I’ve seen before. I get evites and think using it is just fine. However, I still think if you’re having a celebration and inviting guests, then you are the host/hostess and you should provide food/drink for your guests.</p>
<p>The only time I remember seeing anything similar was a couple of parties at “kid-zone” type places when my kids were little, the host included prices in case you wanted/had to bring siblings. I never had a problem with that…but this seems tacky.</p>
<p>This is really a tacky trend. The birthday host throws a party for herself and asks everyone to pay for her party and I presume give her a gift too. Of course, its her birthday! It really is the opposite of altruism. I guess that is why she has no friends willing to throw a party for her or to take her out for dinner and drinks.</p>
<p>TBH I do not think this is a trend. This is the first I have ever heard of it. An Evite is perfectly fine, and a great way to quickly contact a large group. But to “invite” a group of people to pay for a party for the person who is supposed to be the host, well, that is just something I have never encountered.</p>
<p>To be precise, she’s not throwing herself a birthday/engagement party. Her “guests” are throwing the party, and she’s just forwarding the invoice. </p>
<p>I don’t think it is tacky, and I have been to birthday parties where you paid for your own dinner. I think I’m a little younger than most of the posters on this thread. First of all, I don’t think a birthday gift would be expected. If you invite a bunch of friends to go out to a sit-down dinner at a decent restaurant, that could easily run you like $40 x 15 friends = $600 or more. Basically, you’re all going out to dinner to celebrate someone’s birthday.</p>
<p>If it’s at a restaurant and it’s catered with like Hors d’oeuvre, then it wouldn’t be as expensive and I would expect the host to pay. Or if it’s at someone’s house, then of course you don’t present guests with a bill. </p>
<p>I don’t know the etiquette for engagement parties.</p>
<p>It’s tacky. Embarrassingly tacky. You don’t INVITE people to a function and give them a price to pay unless you are organizing a class reunion or something. In this case the host is the birthday girl. And she is charging a price for people to attend her birthday/engagement party. My head is spinning.</p>
<p>A couple of years ago, I saw a post on facebook of an acquaintance. She was “reminding” some of her friends that they hadn’t RSVPd to her invite to her husbands graduation party. In the reminder she stated that she needed to know if they were coming and needed a check from them to cover the dinner and the venue. I was horrified reading it. Not shocking that several of the guests hadn’t gotten back to her!</p>
<p>If you are HOSTING a party for someone or for yourself (tacky) you pay for it. If you are casually going out to dinner for a persons birthday and you are all equally invested/connected to the honoree, you each pay your way and split the cost of the guest of honor.</p>
<p>I agree with collegealum314 that it might be a generational thing. I think a lot of younger people are used to all going out because it is someone’s birthday. The person who’s birthday it is might coordinate it with a message stating we are all going out because it is my birthday, or something along those lines. These are not people who can afford to throw large formal dinner parties. Rather than taking turns paying for huge dinners for the group, everyone who is going just splits the bill and uses the birthday as an excuse for everyone to get together. </p>
<p>I don’t think this theory covers the engagement party aspect though. I agree that is in a different category.</p>
<p>It isn’t at all the same thing. I go out a lot for my friends birthdays. It is never the birthday girl/boy who initiates the birthday dinner. It is the friends who pull it togehter. We are ALL friends with the birthday girl/boy so we all pay for our own meal and usually split the cost of the honoree. But let’s say it is okay to arrange your own birthday dinner (IMO, it’s not okay but I can roll with this). It is still tacky to choose a restaurant and send a bill (for all intents and purposes) to your “guests”.</p>
<p>It is incredibly tacky to throw yourself an engagement party. You just don’t do it.</p>
<p>Think of it this way. What would you think of a parent throwing a birthday party or a Bar Mitzvah for their child and they send an invitation with a response card and a bill for the guests portion of the expense of the party?</p>
<p>Or a couple has a dinner party and they invite three other couples. When the guests arrive, the host brings out an itemized list for the cost of the ingredients to make the dinner and divides it by four, charging the other couples for their portion.</p>