<p>[For</a> some, helicopter parenting delivers benefits - The Boston Globe](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/03/03/for_some_helicopter_parenting_delivers_benefits/]For”>http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/03/03/for_some_helicopter_parenting_delivers_benefits/)</p>
<p>I think they are capturing too much with this concept-- it all depends on how the journalist chooses to use the term. They aren’t talking about the same things. </p>
<p>I do not think being involved in your children’s lives, especially teenagers lives, has ever been judged negatively. Being close to your children, being interested, offering advice…its all good. </p>
<p>What is judged negatively - and what i think others mean by the term ‘helicoptering’ is when parents are doing things for their offspring that the children should obviously be doing for themselves and from it, learning to be independent.</p>
<p>These are real life issues I’ve seen: If a student of mine has a PhD comprehensive exam to write, he should not be getting his parents to edit it. If a student has a conflict with her project team, the student should discuss with the team and/or the professor, the mother of the student should not be emailing the professor to fix it. If a student doesn’t qualify for a particular course because of a missing prereq, they should talk to the professor, not have their parent make an appointment to discuss it. But I’ve heard better. I have a clse friend who is a manager. He got a call one day from a parent of a new hire, to complain about why their son couldn’t get a vacation during a particular time period because the family always goes away then! </p>
<p>Remaining close to your children, knowledgeable and interested in their lives, and offering well placed guidance and advice from the sidelines is great. I think that is what the article captures and I don’t think that’s ever been an issue. Helicoptering is when you are doing for your kids as if they are still 8 years old and not the young adults they actually are (and its where the stories and judgment emerge from).</p>
<p>''f a student of mine has a PhD comprehensive exam to write, he should not be getting his parents to edit it. If a student has a conflict with her project team, the student should discuss with the team and/or the professor, the mother of the student should not be emailing the professor to fix it. If a student doesn’t qualify for a particular course because of a missing prereq, they should talk to the professor, not have their parent make an appointment to discuss it."
OMG! I can’t even conceive of how any parent could possibly think they were doing their ADULT “child” any favors by doing any of the above things! All I can say is WOW.</p>
<p>The wife of a man that has worked for my husband called my husband to ask him to recommend their son for officer candidate school. I wonder if he made it as an officer if his mother would give the orders. Needless to say, my husband refused to write the recommendation.</p>
<p>Well said starbright!</p>
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<p>Why not? I mean this sincerely. My sister has worked as an editor and she edits a lot of my work. In no way does the write them, I want to be clear about that. But if I were in need of an editor in my parents areas of expertise, I’d ask them to take a look at it. And I’m nearly 40. </p>
<p>I must be missing something.</p>
<p>As for the whole helicopter thing, it’s boring. Every five years or so there is a big outcry about how parents are making big mistakes and, hey, here’s a dozen books to help you fix it before you screw your kid up for life. And did I mention there are videos? How about a conference? Private consulting? It’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>Take a course in developmental psychology. Talk to a child behaviorist if something is difficult to handle. Unless one is abusing their child, all they have to do is wait it out and their style will come in vogue. Then it will fall out of fashion and once again your child will be "at risk. Oy. Who needs it?</p>
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<p>It’s a written exam, one is being graded on it and it’s assumed it’s entirely one’s own work. At this level, one is expected to be able to write well; to compose coherent, clear and logical arguments (how well one accomplishes this task impacts one’s grade). Heck, even at the undergraduate level we would downgrade someone for poor writing-- and this is in a quant field!). </p>
<p>Given inherent comparisons made across exams, if one student is using an editor and another is not, it creates unfair inconsistencies. Most importantly, there is a HUGE continuum of what is meant by “editing” and the role editors can play, so it’s impossible to standardize. At one end it might be fixing typos, but at the other end is restructuring paragraphs and logical structure. How one decides who is doing the writing can become blurred. </p>
<p>Litmus test? Check with the professor or add a footnote that you used an editor. If you genuinely believe it’s legit to do so, you should have no problem getting clarification that it is indeed okay and/or making it clear to the person doing the grading. To fail to do so could mean being accused of cheating.</p>
<p>We abandoned helicopter mode in elementary school.</p>
<p>I see. I took it to mean that the paper could be edited but that the parents should not be the ones to do it. I absolutely agree that anything that is supposed to be solely the students work should be just that. No question.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is still writing papers for her D who is in her second year in college (out of state!). D calls mom and says I am so behind and mom writes 5 page paper to bail her out. This is far from the first time this has happened.</p>
<p>I have talked about this with friend and her defense is always that D works so hard but can’t always keep up so she steps in. Don’t know what will happen to this kid the first time she is left on her own to fail!</p>
<p>Kids need to learn from failures and we as parents need to allow them this experience so that they will be able to one day make it in the real world.</p>
<p>My oldest D (hs junior) who is in all AP/honors and college calculus this year had her first B+ on a report card ever in her life this past semester. She knew she was going to get it and that it was not the end of the world. She had worked hard, but AP Chemistry has been a difficult class for her and she knew that was still a great grade for such a difficult class. She has realized that getting a grade less than an A is alright and that the sun will still rise the next day!</p>
<p>Not only is your friend a helicopter parent, but she is a poor example to her daughter from an ethical standpoint.</p>