Newbie questions about 24/7 caregivers: legal questions, etc.

Parent Cafe
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<p>I wonder how this applies <a href=“http://www.environmental-law.net/2013/11/new-yorks-quirky-rules-for-heating-oil-storage-tanks/”>http://www.environmental-law.net/2013/11/new-yorks-quirky-rules-for-heating-oil-storage-tanks/&lt;/a&gt;
"The New York Petroleum Bulk Storage Act (PBSA) program generally regulates USTs [underground] and aboveground storage tanks (ASTs) that are used to store petroleum and have a combined storage capacity (either individually or collectively) of more than 1,100 gallons. If the combined total capacity of all petroleum storage tanks at a property that have least 110 gallon capacity exceeds 1100 gallons, then all the tanks at the property are subject to the PBS program.</p>

<p>However, there are special rules for heating oil tanks. For purposes of determining if the property exceeds the 1100 gallon threshold for regulation, the volume of heating oil tanks with a capacity less than 1,100 gallons are not included in the calculation. "</p>

<p>Also, do you know what the buyer’s status is regarding a mortgage? Is he pre-approved and/or do you know if the tank is an issue for mortgage approval? </p>

<p>As a comparison, my 2k+ sf house has a 250 gal tank. </p>

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<p>ECmotherx2,</p>

<p>Our tank was in the basement, so no. We were anxious to have it out, however. With a 50 year old tank, it could leak at any time, and it could still be a big problem if it did. </p>

<p>Several years earlier, we had the pipe that runs from the oil tank to the boiler dug up and replaced. It was under the cement floor. We had the replacement pipe placed over the floor.</p>

<p>Our reason for doing this was that our next door neighbor, who had the same tank/boiler configuration, had a massive EPA cleanup to pay for when oil that leaked from his connecting pipe drained into his back yard (we both have walk out basements) and ran all the way downhill to the drainage ditch that runs behind all our houses. (That ditch runs into a pond down the road, so it was a big deal.) That is actually how he discovered there was a leak. A chemical reaction with the cement had worn away at the copper pipe, leading to the leak. </p>

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<p>“preironic, I am VERY impressed at your searching back through my posts; You seem like an interesting person and you must be in a very interesting profession. I am fascinated at how you simultaneously want to wring my neck and yet continue reading the posts of someone who has multiple times proved herself to be a scatter-brain. You have my respect and thanks.”</p>

<p>I’m glad you find me “interesting”. I really just wanted to know what happened. Before you went silent everything seemed to be set up and in motion but when you started reposting, it was as if none of that had happened and there was no explanation. I reread because I thought I must have imagined it. Frank, honest and experienced doesn’t seem to sit well with you. I only tell you what has worked or not worked with my mother. I (as well as most other posters) have been through this nightmare and are actively living it and have been willing to spend time and effort trying to help. I’ll be reading but not posting. I wish you and your mom the best of luck.</p>

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<p>Thanks for all the feedback. First of all, there is NO WAY, alb, we are taking $15,000 off the price of the house when our trusted septic company will put in and hook up an entirely new system, easily, in one day, for $4,250. ALH, I have no doubt my septic company since 1985 will go right to the job.</p>

<p>And the buyers are not looking for any more problems. They had an exhaustive inspection. My handyman put in EIGHT smoke alarms at their insistence and two Carbon Monoxide detectors. The only thing left to consider is the oil tank. The results,which we will know Thurs am, could be widely variable, from “no problems” to “had to tighten a leaky valve” to a bad tank or, worst of all, oil leakage. </p>

<p>I have done a lot of research and read the report LF refers to above. </p>

<p>Yes, as jym626 wrote above, if the oil tank fails, it is entirely the seller’s responsibity to remove any hazards. </p>

<p>CTMom208, you were wise to remove the oil tank.Wee too have ours in the basement. Curiously, our realtor has told the bidder’s realtor that if the tank shows no problems, we will not remove it. He did not object. Curious, because an old oil tank is a hazard waiting to happen. The life span is 20-30 years and my mother’s is certainly over 20 years old.</p>

<p>EXTREMELY SURPRISING NEWS: my sister has emailed and called twice. a Few minutes ago she put her husband on the phone and he and I discussed my mother’s financial outlook. I told him that my mother’s bank said “a house cannot apply for a home equity or mortgage if is is for sale.” He wants to go to quicken loans which I must research, I know nothing about it. I said I was very uneasy about working with anyone who was not a five-star upright bank. He said we,both couples, could cosign a loan for my mother which surprised me very much. He signed off by assuring me he would get to work on options, and everything he proposes will be honest, ethical and legal.</p>

<p>Someone asked me if the buyer had a pre-approved mortgage. I could kick myself for not asking my realtor to find out. She should have asked on her own, I think. I will find out asap.</p>

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<p>Cosign a loan for your mother? Run, don’t walk, from that scenario! </p>

<p>You do realize it could put you on the hook for the money, right?</p>

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<p>Did we miss some info? So the home equity, those papers your husband mailed, didn’t go through? A few days ago, you said, “The home equity loan was approved.” I’m missing something. The advantages of a pre-approved buyer came up on the other thread. Hoping it turns out he is.</p>

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<p>

It doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me is your considering such an idea for even a millisecond. </p>

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<p>Do not, Do not, Do not cosign a loan for your mother. This is a terrible idea. Run. Fast. Now.</p>

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<p>Let me rephrase what CTMom said:</p>

<p>If you cosign a loan, and your mother can’t pay it back because she doesn’t have the cash to repay it, then you have to repay it.</p>

<p>You should not agree to this under any circumstances.</p>

190

<p>Your sister and BIl have lots of $$$, right? Why if necessary don’t they just float her a loan til the house sells and then get repaid after it sells?</p>

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<p>Any loan that has your names on it will impact your and your husband’s credit scores and your ability to borrow for whatever needs your family may face in the future, including your kids’ educations or the meeting of any emergency medical needs that may arise. This is a very bad idea.</p>

<p>Don’t turn your mother’s problems into your problems. Taking on legal responsibility for her loan (which is exactly what cosigning is) is definitely making her problem your problem.<br>
Just say no!</p>

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<p>DW- isn’t your mother due to have her pacemaker installed today? How strong is she this week in rehab? Is it best for her to come home or return to rehab if allowable? Are you all set with the AL apps you need to have in to ensure a prompt placement? </p>

<p>If there is any pot of cash available to let her go to an available AL bed, that is where she should go ASAP. It seems like things are going in so many directions simultaneously that it could be hard to retain the momentum towards the prize. Before seeking loans, since you have this buyer who wants the house in hand (pending ensuring pre-approval for mortgage), I would be awaiting the oil tank assessment and then working hard with the realtor to allow the deal to transpire. As others say, oil tank issues have to be known and addressed for any prospective buyer and the sooner the deal closes the better for all. Your first prospective buyer could be the best buyer and it would be a shame to lose the deal and re-set the clock over a “small” amount of money. Not saying to accept a price reduction three times the amount of the repairs necessarily, but I would be keeping my cool, not assuming the worst intent and seeking a closing. A bit of pack and forth is inevitable between buyers and sellers.</p>

<p>Smooth sailing to you and your mother. </p>

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<p>To answer the feedback about cosigning a loan…thank you for your informed advice. With simple thinking, I imagined a smooth closing and a simple payback on a no-penalty loan that my brother in law said was good and that he had used before.My thinking was very immature and naive and I am surprised, looking back, at my BILs suggestion. I looked up quicken loan on the web this morning and my BIL is wrong - they do not make personal loans and they will not give a home equity loan on my mother’s house because it is on the market. So I emailed my sister this morning to ask her to ask him to call me tonight so we can discuss other options. They communicate poorly / erratically and I do not expect great things. </p>

<p>My sister has Crohn’s disease and high medical bills, despite insurance. She went to the Mayo Clinic in AZ this spring and had a staggering bill. She said they can loan my mother $9,000. The home equity loan my husband applied for on our own house (yes, I know…don’t scold…it was his way to reach out and be generous) we are waiting to hear about.I have left two voice mail for the bank officer in charge of it. I made a mistake, LF when I said it was approved I thought my husband said it was; he later explained that what WAS approved–and I had no idea where this came from or what my husband did–was he said he was approved for a $20,000 personal loan. I am very confused about why,it seems, he applied for both a home equity and a personal loan. He also talks about having a “line of credit.” Regardless of how my sister and BIL come into the picture, what my husband is doing is confusing enough. I must straighten out with him what his thoughts are and why he is willing to take on debt. I can only hope/imagine he expects, as he should, to be paid back at the closing, principal, and over time, interest. After the sale, my mother will have $230,000 and Social Security.</p>

<p>Her cardiologist’s nurse told me yesterday to pick her up from the hospital today, so I picked up the caregiver, went to the hospital, and as we are in the parking lot, the Case Manager calls me to say they want to send my mother back to the nursing home for skilled care. So we went up and visited, I got a list of clothes she wants, I told Barbara we would pay her for the day,\ and I took her back to the train and bought her a round trip ticket back.</p>

<p>travelnut, I have to go pick up DD3 at Middle School and will answer you soon. Thanks to all for the CLARIFYING EDIFYING advice.</p>

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<p>How much of the closing costs are you paying for? How much are the real estate agents getting? These costs add up at closing. I was surprised how much was removed before we got the balance left after closing. And hopefully the oil tank will pass and you wont have expenses there.</p>

<p>I am confused. You’ve mentioned your sister’s illness but you have also described them as wealthy. You have been doing all the work to this point. Its time for her to step up. And if that has to be by loaning your mom 9K, then great. Take it.</p>

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<p>OP: I didn’t suggest you take $15,000 reduction on the sale price. I suggested you and buyer come to an agreement on an acceptable price and that you allow the buyer to take on the repairs. Based on a quick reading of your situation, you have more to do than humanly possible. Letting the buyers be responsible for repairs gives you that time to spend on other responsibilities. Closing as quickly as possible helps the financial situation. In your situation I would think that alone was worth some $$, but you may feel differently. One can always save money by doing it all oneself, but it may not always be a practical response. You have to prioritize and getting your mother settled should be the priority… right? That may not really be compatible with getting the highest sale price possible on her house. Sometimes there aren’t solutions that are perfect on all fronts and we just have to be realistic. I am only giving you this advice (on a public board where you solicited it) because these are lessons I’ve learned from experience. </p>

<p>My advice (based on experience of similar circumstances) is the same as others. Do not mix your finances with your mothers. Do not co-sign loans. If and when she runs out of money, you can decide how to handle it. Don’t get there faster than you need to.</p>

<p>Make this as easy on yourself as possible. Spend some of her money to do that, if necessary. Your time is what is valuable here. You may not be in a state of mind to understand and appreciate what good advice you have been given on this thread. That’s understandable. I am so sorry you (and all the rest of us) have to deal with these no-win scenarios.</p>

<p>Good luck. Take care.</p>

<p>eta: I am going to write something harsh: You need to quit researching and take action. You need to do this for yourself and for your family. This is a truth you don’t want to hear, but there it is.</p>

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<p>As an old phrase goes, “Getting complicateder and complicateder.” As much as possible, you just need to see this in 1-2-3 order. Linear. What it takes to get to today’s priority goals. </p>

<p>Looking around for other issues that may or may not come up, trying to get calculations perfect, wondering about motivations, who said what, etc, all distract, they rob you of clarity. And us.</p>

<p>You do not need a Dharma-family personal or home equity loan today, for expenses she may- or may not- incur next February. At this point, it’s another distraction. (And you do not want anything to jeopardize college funding.) </p>

<p>You say she will have 230 after closing- but I can’t see how you can state that with assurance. You haven’t told us you settled on a price. So, what’s actually in that calculation? Last week the guy upped his bid 10k, this week there’s talk of dropping it 15k. </p>

<p>And no one knows where your mother is going, when. Just that she’s headed back to Skilled, now. Think about how all this can be made simpler.</p>

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<p>Now, I want to throw out a different sort of question. -> If she can net 200k, minus 1250/mo from SS, that’s 40+ months (at 6k/mo.) If it costs her 7k/mo, that’s 3 years. That doesn’t include her present savings balance, whatever it is. </p>

<p>Why isn’t that calculation good enough? Good enough to get you focused on selling the house and finding her the right next place to live? Not worrying about this or that? </p>

<p>She’s 88 and no matter how many times you tell us she’s mentally alert, we remember she is frail, with a host of issues (and needs a caregiver.) </p>

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</p>

<p>Why are you doing this? That’s your realtor’s job. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Alh is right.</p>

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<p>Why is everything so complicated? Remind the realtor you want this deal done ASAP. Ask her what needs to be done to make that happen. Ask her to arrange for whatever inspections and repairs need to be done. Remember i said that you consult professionals and then try to do their jobs for them? You’re doing it again. Stop.</p>

<p>And OMG do NOT get financially entangled with your sister and BIL. That’s the worst idea I’ve heard yet.</p>

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<p>alh, thank you so much, those were very kind words. First of all, if you can imagine it–I know it might be hard–but I am not at all shy about being in control of/overseeing the repairs. I know the septic co well and I know they can do it in a day. Remember, the septic people will take $1,800 at the job and the rest (totaling $4,250 all together) at closing. My bidder’s offer is to take on the septic himself and reduce the price by $15,000.The right ethical choice is clear. I follow completely what you are saying, but truly both the buyer and the buyer’s realtor seem like strange people and sneaky.</p>

<p>Interrupted: my realtor just called to say that the seller and his realtor wanted the price reduction on the septic because the septic fields might be “compromised”, although there is no way of visually inspecting this until you go underground (according to the report she was reading from). From the backyard, the fields are lovely green grass, not mushy or wet or anything. She and I agreed to tell the bidder’s realtor that if, when our team, replaced the septic, if they examine the fields and feel any work is needed, they would do it and we would pay for it. I know I can negotiate with the septic people. </p>

<p>jym626, I don’t know what we are paying for the closing costs; remember, the bidder is being difficult and we have not signed contracts. I believe the realtors’ split $8,000. Our long-time family lawyer will certainly wait for his payment until after the closing. At the closing, aren’t almost all the costs taken on by the buyer? I could look it up on the internet and/or ask my realtor, but right now I don’t know. </p>

<p>About my sister and BIL; yes I believe they have money. To my astonishment, in the middle of all this, she wants to come and visit and bring her best friend.My mother was healthy for three years and she did not visit. I told her the house might be post-estate sale and basically empty (god willing we get that far, considering how now we are quibbling about the septic system), and she said they could stay in the one nice B&B we have in our town. Is it because she wants to see my mother? I have no clue. Perhaps this is hard-hearted of me, but they would be better off sending our mother the cost of the airfare and the B&B. I do so hate to think I might offend someone by saying this, but my sister and her husband are fans of Rush Limbaugh. As two couples, we couldn’t possibly be more different. I am tolerant and not “big on views” but things matter to me, and though we avoid touchy subjects as much as possible, we have to be very careful with them. $9,000 was her peculiar number, and if she wants to send that, that’s fine. </p>

<p>My husband caught my terrible cold and like with all his colds it turned into a sinus infection; today he went to the MD for his SECOND visit and got a stronger anti-biotic. So I was able to ask him, Why did you apply for a personal loan AND a home equity loan? His reply was, Because that is what the banker suggested. When I’m done here I’m going to ask him to call the banker or do it myself. Remember he is determined not only to be paid back in full, but interest, too.</p>

<p>travelnut I have to paste you in to reply:</p>

<p>DW- isn’t your mother due to have her pacemaker installed today? How strong is she this week in rehab? Is it best for her to come home or return to rehab if allowable? Are you all set with the AL apps you need to have in to ensure a prompt placement?</p>

<p>If there is any pot of cash available to let her go to an available AL bed, that is where she should go ASAP. It seems like things are going in so many directions simultaneously that it could be hard to retain the momentum towards the prize. Before seeking loans, since you have this buyer who wants the house in hand (pending ensuring pre-approval for mortgage), I would be awaiting the oil tank assessment and then working hard with the realtor to allow the deal to transpire. As others say, oil tank issues have to be known and addressed for any prospective buyer and the sooner the deal closes the better for all. Your first prospective buyer could be the best buyer and it would be a shame to lose the deal and re-set the clock over a “small” amount of money. Not saying to accept a price reduction three times the amount of the repairs necessarily, but I would be keeping my cool, not assuming the worst intent and seeking a closing. A bit of pack and forth is inevitable between buyers and sellers.</p>

<p>My mother had her pacemaker installed yesterday and stayed overnight in the hospital. After I left the house this morning, the hospital called to say they were sending her back to Somers Manor instead of home because of her age and general condition. So you are exactly right; they assessed her as needing rehab. So Barbara made the 3 hour trip from Brooklyn for nothing. As I wrote above, we will pay her for the day and I bought her ticket back to brooklyn. Many other women would complain but she is so good-natured.</p>

<p>Yes, despite his orneriness, we want this buyer, but the AL placements aren’t so easy.MDSs and nurses have to do exams and fill out forms; each AL has its own forms. Directors are not returning my emails or phone calls about openings and I am driving all over the place. I have the 35 page admission package with downpayment ready for Fed Ex to come to the door today to pick up. But the other ALs/openings I have to keep at them and track them down. And tomorrow I have to bring clothes to my mother.</p>

<p>But the AL ten minutes away from my town, the admissions officer never returns my calls or emails, I am going to leave a voice mail this afternoon after I call the bank.</p>

<p>I feel very grateful for the advice about not cosigning. I don’t know where my head is at. I do things like write down my phone number for someone and leave out the area code. Yesterday. delivering pizza to my daughter’s tennis team, I swear I was completely looking from every angle, but I hit a truck parked in the parking lot. My husband’s car has a big dent on the back corner when I got out to examine things. Buthe first thing I did was rush to the truck to see if there was any damage. Thank God there was not even a scratch. I wasn’t overseen by anyone, but I got the coach from where the girls were playing tennis and had him examine the truck and he agreed there was certainly no damage (the girl who owned the truck was playing a game). I told him to tell her if she and/or her parents were at all concerned, to call me. </p>

<p>Off to call the bank and the ALs…</p>