<p>Have you talked to a senior placement specialist? You do realize that there are people who know the AL market and can do all this research and vetting FOR you. … right? </p>
<p>STOP. Take a breath. As jym pointed out, the buyer and buyer’s realtor are not sneaky. This is negotiation. Let your realtor handle the negotiation. </p>
<p>THINK about what this situation is doing to your children. You have at least one still at home? You need to quit focusing full time on Mom and shift that focus to the kids. You need to quit trying to do everything perfectly and just get it done. For your nuclear family. That is your primary responsibility. </p>
<p>Quit spinning your wheels. Act. Get it done. Move on. No perfect solutions here. Best case scenario is you don’t allow it to all negatively impact your children. imho</p>
<p>ETA: I can’t be as blunt as this in real life with relatives in your situation. Though I am beginning to consider it. At a certain point, once advice has been given and disregarded, it becomes necessary to disengage for one’s own well being. </p>
<p>It’s not about being comfortable with the responsibilities.<br>
It’s whether these are the best use of your time and energy- and at what point they distract. You are telling us you are distracted.</p>
<p>If it were me, I’d skip the bank and simply tell DH not to act any further on the loan. Put it on ice. Move back to the priority list.</p>
<p>I would call the rehab or whomever it is and ask them how long (as of today) they anticipate your mom being there. There is a big difference in whether they say 24 or 48 hours, versus a week or a month. (Things can change, but this is info you need.) </p>
<p>I would try to speak with someone at rehab who maybe can assist with the next placement, call a senior placement specialist or someone like “A Place for Mom.” I would be careful not to overstate nor overburden these reps. There is a bottom line and that’s what matters. Not all the extra details. The extras are for social interactions. </p>
<p>You want a place for your mother, you don’t know how long she is in rehab, she will prefer her own space, she has funds to cover it and the house is in negotiations. Be a viable candidate, one they want to work with.</p>
<p>I have something more to say about why I think it’s a bad idea to borrow money so that you can lend it to your mother and then try to get it back later.</p>
<p>Right now you are seeing a large payout when the house sells. But a lot of things can happen between now and then, including very expensive and unanticipated medical problems. </p>
<p>If your mother should run out of money while receiving costly medical care (it doesn’t take long at all), and possibly even die (sorry to bring it up but she is old and frail) her estate will have to pay various entities. The probate court gets its money first. The lawyers are second. Every other creditor (including you) can get in line. Bottom line, you may not get back all your money. </p>
<p>I really think lending her money is a terrible idea.</p>
<p>Sorry about the fender bender!</p>
<p>It just isn’t necessary at this point. She hasn’t run out of money. These contingency steps are stopping the real work- and as you can see, running off to the bank today or tomorrow is yet another task that could have been avoided. She has funds for several months and aggressive (and appropriate, per your expert,) actions will get the house sold.</p>
<p>Also, sellers do have closing costs. The specifics are written into the sales contract and are negotiable but there may be a custom in your area that is generally followed. </p>
<p>When I sold my mother’s house this summer, her closing costs (apart from the Realtor commission) were a little over $2500. (Title search and insurance, recording fees etc.)</p>
<p>LF is correct. Don’t spend your time/energy/brain cells on things that might could possibly happen 4 or 5 months from now. Deal with what’s in front of you. Sell the house. Get Mom situated. That’s it.</p>
<p>DW- assuming there is an appropriate bed available for your mother post rehab, are you in position to move her in regardless of the status of the home sale, without you and your husband taking out loans ? </p>
<p>If yes, and you want her to go to AL ASAP post-rehab, I am beginning to think that hiring a geriatric care manager to secure placement and help with paper work is the best route. They can make the contacts with the reluctant directors, facilitate the connection and will be very straight-forward. As a devoted daughter, you have vetted places and can give them the information to proceed. Let your mother stay in rehab as long as they deem necessary, given her available insurance coverage (finance office at rehab can be very specific about that). The process needs to be streamlined for everyone’s benefit. You say you are driving around, not getting responses and to me, it sounds like it is all too much. I, too, am thinking of your children and how this process has hi-jacked their mother for months. </p>
<p>“Another source for help is members of the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers. Many of these are MSWs with a specialty in geriatrics, including placement. From their website, you can search for local members and screen them. The process can be streamlined if you are very clear about your parameters and criteria for her AL facility.” (a prior post of mine) </p>
<p>Look up your area and see who helps with placement. I wish I had a more specific suggestion, but I think that AL places are looking for the shortest distance between two points when they have a bed to fill and a professional simplifying this could be invaluable. Consider that you are likely able to start paying for a bed even while your mother is in rehab, which could be very worthwhile unless it is to be a protracted stay. Then it could be all set up and waiting for her to go immediately post-rehab. Yes, I know that some might want to re-assess her, but talk to a local expert who themselves may have ongoing relationships with various directors in places of interest.</p>
<p>Sending good thoughts your way. </p>
<p>Arrrrg! This is an example of my “amnesia.” I forgot. Will do asap. Tomorrowafternoon istheearliestopportunity.</p>
<p>Alh, are you saying you might disengage from me? Please dont! I sign on here two/three times a day because I get such GOOD advice. I will appreciate your distinction between “sneaky” and"negotions" but when one septic inspector- repair is quoted at $15,000 and theother at $4,250, it is hard to see this as a “negotiation”. But pleasestay with me to offer your vision and guidance! You must be a mind reader because this early am I snapped at DD2 and last night wasnt at my best with DD1 at college over the phone. But I am a very gentle mother,my husband andI are close thank God for many reasons,but especially for the children. Mid-afternon I sent DD1 andDD2 loving and character-compliment- emails andDD1 called me from college and we had a great chat. DD2 and I are fine too. DD3 is mad becauseI amusing “her” iPad and because I contacted her social studies teacher about getting her to put more effort into her work. She got a 75%on a quizz on CHINA which–for a daughter raised steeped in thingsChinese and Chinese Culture–is appalling!</p>
<p>CT mom, I cant agree with you more about lending money. A big obstacle is,as Ive probably mentioned, all the ALs we have visited require a $15,000–3month - entrance fee. </p>
<p>I keep scrolling through the comments andamso appreciative because YOU STRAIGHTEN ME OUT!</p>
<p>Thanks for sticking with me, despite all my foibles. Xxx. , </p>
<p>Dont have time to post much-- so will make is brief. PLEASE LISTEN TO PEOPLE HERE. Stay focused. Not just lip service. No loan. Stop. And dont research what others do at closings. This is between you and your buyer. And most attorneys take their fees out of the closing money- it all gets distributed at the closing table. If the Titanic is sinking its not wise to spend your time rearranging the deck chairs. </p>
<p>Can we keep the posts here on topic, so we can focus on what is happening with Dharmawheel’s mother, her house sale, and her placement? Can we skip the parts about 75% on quizzes and terrible colds and antibiotics, and cut to the chase?</p>
<p>Also, Dharma, when you are quoting another poster, could you please use the quoting feature, so we can tell what are your words and what are the words from another poster that we have already read because we already read the other poster’s post?</p>
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<p>This is not a problem. Your mother has $15,000.</p>
<p>Thank you jym626! Thanks for sticking with me! a caution and reserve I must mention, I feel "above my head"a bit and am relying closely to my realtor,as well as the people here.</p>
<p>I seized the ipad back fromDD3 because I wanted to say to CTmom, my mother needsthe $15,000 before the closing to move into an AL. They all want 3 months. shehas to move into ALbefore she gets her big cash from the closing hence the necessary but unfortunate loan. But after the closing,with her proceeds from the house sale and monthly .social Security,she will be secure inAL for a longtime.</p>
<p>Just read your post, CF. I apologize for the intrusive info. Writing, for me, is a kind of affliction, can you understand?. i promise to stay on topic,and thank you for taking the effort to follow me.</p>
<p>Also, I have see special quotation,marks that I dont know how to use but I can certainly use traditional quotation marks.</p>
<p>Here is how you quote someone else’s post: You wrap it with [ quote] [ /quote], but you take out the spaces.</p>
<p>So [ quote]POST GOES HERE<a href=“but%20take%20the%20spaces%20out%20after%20the%20open%20bracket”> /quote</a> turns into:
</p>
<p>It can be a little tricky to do this the first few times, so don’t be afraid to use the Preview button to make sure it renders correctly. </p>
<p>Dharma, not to be nosy – and if it’s none of my business, please say so – but how much money does your mom have right now? And how much is her SS income? It wasn’t that long ago that she had $60K, so I’m not seeing what the money panic is at the moment. </p>
<p>Just be sure you have documentation that you’ve loaned your mother money and documentation that she’s repaid you. This will become necessary should she have to apply for Medicaid in the next 5 years and the state worker wonders why your mother wrote you a check for $15000. They’ll want to see the paper trail that you loaned her money and the check she wrote you was just a repayment of that loan.</p>
<p>CF, do you have to put [ ] around the quote?</p>
<p>Shellfish, good advice, but I think you meant that We wrote HER a check for $15,000, right?</p>
<p>[Dharma, not to be nosy – and if it’s none of my business, please say so – but how much money does your mom have right now? And how much is her SS income? It wasn’t that long ago that she had $60K, so I’m not seeing what the money panic is at the moment.]</p>
<p>LasMa, I don’t mind - I will break it down for you - She has less than $60,000 when we started in June. But let’s start in June and say 60. She spent a sum; I don’t remember what for. For July and August she paid Barbara (legally, as an Employee) $13,000 She paid $1,000 for workman’s comp. She paid the hiring agency $4,2000. She paid $1,000 school taxes. There were other government/taxes costs I have all the records of but not the numbers off the top of my head There is a minor gap I have to figure out, but right now she has, in cash, $36,789.57. If she pays Barbara through December (although our realtor is optimistic even of an October closing), she will have $19,825 left. Of course the big drain is the live/in caregiver but we are doing it legally and can’t do it for less. </p>
<p>The unknowns are - the cost of the septic (could range quite a bit depending on the work involved, how the oil tank fares (again could “pass” for $400 or have extensive, expensive damage) and the $15,000 move in fee for the AL which of course must be before the closing. The septic company has already agreed to be paid 2/3 at closing. I have been with the same oil company since 1985 and they make a similar delayed-payment offer (sort of…he said we can “discuss this”, and the admissions officer at one of the ALs hinted at a negotiable entry cost.</p>
<p>No, shellfish has it right. She means that if you don’t have a formal loan document written and signed by your mom, it will be unclear when your mom repays you (or if you take it back from her estate) why that payment is being made to you. It is a legal document and a paper trail. If your BIL loans her the 9K, she should sign one of these.</p>
<p>But it should be a moot point. We are ALL strongly advising YOU- DO NOT loan her money. People have politely inquired how much she has left of that 60K. Hopefully enough to put the down payment down on the AL. Then get the house SOLD ASAP and recoup her profit for her cashflow.</p>
<p>** ah you cross-posted. If you do not have the cash for the downpayment, does she have a credit card? Or as we said- let BIL loan her the money. You have done everything else. Time for him and sister to step up.</p>
<p>And sadly, you realize the hiring agency fee was a ripoff. We never paid an agency (to my best recollection) to find/place a caregiver. If we ever did, and again i do not recall that, it was nowhere near $4200. Thats outrageous. And they took a similar fee from the caregiver? Thats horrible.</p>