<p>DW-I can’t deduce the answer to this question: are you prepared to move your mother to the first available AL bed post-rehab regardless of the exact timing of the house closing or are you planning to pay her at-home caregivers until the house closes? I keep missing this aspect of the equation somehow and don’t think input will be as useful without this understanding. Thanks. </p>
<p>LasMa, there is a mistake above. She paid the hiring agency $2,400, not $4,200. </p>
<p>Realizing today is October 1st, I wonder why (perhaps it was a few weeks ago) my realtor imagined an October closing, which seems unlikely to me.</p>
<p>You asked, and I forgot to report, her monthly social security is $1,473. Before June, she was able to live entirely on that and only take her mandated yearly distribution from her IRA.</p>
<p>I tried the brackets around the quotation–I also copied it using the copy function–but it didn’t work.</p>
<p>LasMa didn’t inquire about the agency fee, I did.</p>
<p>And yes, if she has income coming in from SS, that helps slow down the cash drain.<br>
When is the oil tank test??</p>
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<p>There is $15,000 to put her in a facility. Reserve the place. Pay the deposit. Over and done. She doesn’t need to go back home. Let Barbara go. Spending any more time on this doesn’t make you a better daughter. It diminishes your mothering.</p>
<p>I agree with alh. Get Mom in a facility and stop paying Barbara.
If Mom needs more cash for repairs, then your brother can come forth with a loan until the house closes.
You do not need to delay placement for ‘possible’ cash flow issues.</p>
<p>Exactly. Get Mom moved asap. AND get rid of the house asap. Why are you thinking you have to wait till the house sells before you can move her? You MUST stop the caregiver cash hemorrhage immediately. </p>
<p>We thought she had 60k back in mid-July, when these discussions began, plus nearly $1500/mo in SS. We’ve been tracking based on that. But somehow, she is down roughly 26k (23 from savings and several months of SS.) </p>
<p>Sell…the…house. Make the deal that sticks. </p>
<p>The wild card is now the oil tank. Can you tell us what the current house sale bid is? Then we will see on Thursday what the oil tank situation is. But clearly (well, in terms of crisis management thinking,) the financial drain to stay in the house is quite huge. Right now you need triage, not contingency planning. We’re all saying it, not just me. </p>
<p>Btw isn’t it “Shellfell?”</p>
<p>Sell the house. Make concessions, let the buyer deal with the contingencies, and get the deal done. </p>
<p>Meanwhile, put down the AL deposit.</p>
<p>Dharma, you didn’t read Fang’s entire post about quoting. </p>
<p>Please SLOW DOWN enough to read these instructions in their entireity:</p>
<ol>
<li> Highlight and copy the text you want to quote (highlight, right-click, select Copy)</li>
<li> Go to the Reply box.</li>
<li> Type this: [</li>
<li> Type this: Quote</li>
<li> Type this: ]</li>
<li> Right-click. Select Paste. The text should appear.</li>
<li> Type this: [</li>
<li> Type this: /</li>
<li> Type this: Quote</li>
<li> Type this: ]</li>
<li> Click Preview. The quoted text should be within a slightly grayed box.</li>
<li> Click Edit to continue with your post.</li>
</ol>
<p>LOL yes its shellfell!!I responded to dharma’s post #217. Apologies, shellfell.But you are right about the need for a formal loan document, should that be needed (and if so, hopefully for the sister/BIL, NOT dharma and DH)
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Dharma: EVERYONE IS RIGHT. Move mom DIRECTLY to an AL from rehab. Tell the social services/discharge team that that MUST be the plan. No other option. House is about to be sold. No other option. LET THEM HANDLE IT. They won’t if you do. You can tell them which AL’s you’ve been looking at but STOP LOOKING. The rehab folks can coordinate with the AL to get the assessments done. Your attempts to be helpful may accidentally complicate things. The Rehab places arrange placement to AL all the time. they have relationships with these places. USE THAT.</p>
<p>Let them (the rehab discharge folks) do their job and focus on getting the house sold. And yes, stop paying the aide. That is money you do not have to spend. Worst case scenario you get a person on a day to day basis. But unlikely that will be necessary. Take that option OFF the table.</p>
<p>You will have to make compromises with any house sale. You are close. Don’t let this deal fall apart you will be starting all over and wasting precious time, running the risk of a long time before another offer comes in, which could be lower. Time is money. Get it done!</p>
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<p>DW- The above is what has me confused about your goals. Paying caregivers until December doesn’t jive with immediate move post rehab/possibly pre-closing, unless a long rehab stay is anticipated. Perhaps I missed this info? </p>
<p>It will help to have this clarity when speaking with rehab aftercare people to determine game plan, as well as AL people and the realtor. While the results of the oil tank inspection are pending, it would seem your best effort is spent determining plan for rehab and discharge goals (what gains do they anticipate your mother making while there) and timing. All the while securing the AL placement.</p>
<p>Thanks to CF for quotation tutorial! </p>
<p>Dharma, remember a couple of months ago, when the posters here unanimously advised you to place your Mom in AL at that time, rather than hiring a caregiver? You chose to disregard us, and the caregiver experiment has cost your mom nearly half of her liquid assets. </p>
<p>I am not saying this as an I-told-you-so. I am saying it to point out that we have credibility, and you now know that from personal experience.</p>
<p>You come here asking for our help. We give you our best opinions and advice. And then you consistently ignore us. I don’t understand.</p>
<p>Look at this page alone. Everything you need to know is on this page: </p>
<p>LF #226: Get the house sold. Quit mutzing around.
Fang #227: Get the house sold. Get the ball rolling with AL.
jym #229: Use the experts at your disposal to get Mom placed. Get the house sold.
travelnut #230: Clarify your goals. Don’t get lost in contingencies and details.</p>
<p>Please, Dharma, we are trying to help you. Listen to us.</p>
<p>Step 1: Let the caretaker go. Stop paying her for doing nothing. Now the discharge planners can’t send your mother to her house because there is no one to take care of her.</p>
<p>Step 2: Tell the realtor to make the deal happen NOW. Step away. Do not try to do the realtor’s job. Do not try to handle the septic tank and oil tank issues yourself. </p>
<p>Step 3: Hire a specialist in moving elders to assisted living. Then step away. Do not do that person’s job. Let them do it.</p>
<p>I’m just chiming in to agree with moving your Mom to AL now instead of using the caregiver any longer.<br>
It’s also more important to get the house sold fast than it is to sell for the most money. </p>
<p>Faster is better both for entering AL and for selling the house.
Better for her, and better for you.</p>
<p>Dharma, I implore you, re-read Fang’s post #232. Then read it again, Then print out copies. Tape one to your computer monitor, one to your phone, one to your refrigerator, one to your bathroom mirror, put one in your purse.</p>
<p>You are making this 100 times more complicated than it needs to be.</p>
<p>Dharma, I agree with everyone above about letting others do their jobs. You mentioned some tension with your DDs and a fender bender due to distraction. I bet that if you had an open discussion with your husband and DDs, you would be VERY surprised to hear their views on the impact that your efforts on your mother’s behalf are having on each of them. If you don’t listen to the wonderful advice given here, please, please listen to your husband and DDs.</p>
<p>In post #221 you mentioned SS money and a yearly IRA distribution. I believe that is the first mention of an IRA. If the IRA is in addition to the original $60,000 you mentioned, then have Mom take a larger IRA distribution this year to cover the AL costs and get this DONE.</p>
<p>You sound overwhelmed with this whole thing. Here is how I coped last year when my mother became ill unexpectedly and died three weeks later. At the time, I also was planning my daughter’s wedding, was knee-deep in a charitable endeavor that I have been involved with for many years, and had a husband and home to care for. I worked off of a to-do list everyday, and that to-do list had 4 main categories: estate, wedding, charity, and husband/home, with to-do items under each category. My goal for every day was to cross at least one item (and hopefully more) off of each list. I enlisted the help of others with the first three categories as much as I could.</p>
<p>In the case of my mother’s condo, I was just about ready to list it with a realtor, when a friend of my mother made a very good offer through her attorney. Following an inspection, I had all minor repairs taken care of. One major item found was damaged carpet in one bedroom. So that I didn’t have to deal with replacing the carpet, I made an offer to the buyer of a lower price so the buyer could replace with carpet of her choice. Offer accepted, sale completed, and I don’t care whether the buyer replaced the carpet or not. The point was to get the deal done and not quibble over the dollars. You have what sounds like a very interested buyer - you DO NOT want to lose them.</p>
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<p>YES. Do this!!! Nothing else!!!</p>
<p>FOLLOW FANG’S ADVICE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE.</p>
<p>And don’t stop to explain to us. We already know the paperwork is X pages, someone isn’t calling back and you feel competent to arrange things with long term suppliers. </p>
<p>I provided the easy guess of number of months in AL at a 200k net to show how, even if you lower the eventual sale price, it still yields many, many months in AL- even if at a higher rate than you have been quoted. That’s good enough. </p>
<p>Selling the house is a matter of coming to terms. Make it happen.</p>
<p>Yes, there is $15,000 to put her in an All, but that’s what they want upfront. They want another $5K, then another 5K and on and on, every month. </p>
<p>jym626, sorry I missed that about your question. The oil tank test is tomorrow. I have already spoken with our oil rep since 1985 about an installment plan to pay for the cost, large or small (the dreaded oil-leakage excavation. He was very kind and said we would talk about it tomorrow, after the test.</p>
<p>LasMa, the AL is $5,550, but the 3 months down-payment is why we are stalling. My worry is moving her into her into AL, running out of money and moving her into my house when that happens. </p>
<p>BUT an interesting morning. I wanted to visit/deliver the clothes asap so got there at 9 am, stopped at reception to see if I could see the social worker first. I had this wild idea while driving…what if A can stay at the NH for 100 days? Yesterday I read on the Medicare site about long-term care, and right now she qualifies,imho. SW wasn’t available so sat with mother for an hour. To go to the bath room, an aide had to roll her out of bed–she can’t stand–accompany her to the toilet and help with all that, then roll her to the sink and back in bed. Now, this doesn’t mean my mother won’t bounce back and be okay for AL. I have seen her remarkably bounce back before. But maybe they can “stretch” the skilled nursing care at the NH for…perhaps…a long period of time. Yes, I know after a certain number of days you have to pay something. I saw that on the Medicare website.</p>
<p>Then I got the SW. We talked about my mother’s health, and then finances. On health, the SW worker said she needs a long stay. When I outlined the finances, she looked horrified and got a financial-assistance supervisor on the line to see, if A continued to need assisted nursing care, could she stay 100 days, given her financial situation (I did not mention that we had a live in caregiver). The woman the SW spoke to has to speak to a higher up.I hope they call me today. So A might stay at NH, move straight from there to AL( all the while the house needs being seen to and sold, with me as DPO)–go on the waiting list for her first choice AL-- basically do everything she will not want to do, but if she’s patient she will get her first choice AL with her own art studio corner. . She can read and comprehend figures just fine, and when I show her her assets and the anticipated costs of repairs, there is nothing she can do about it.</p>
<p>mom in va: [If Mom needs more cash for repairs, then your brother can come forth with a loan until the house closes.}
(The highlighting thing isn’t working for me. I copy the text, insert it, and put brackets around it. What else should I do.</p>
<p>Mom in va, I like your comment about my brother in law (NOT my brother, thank God). He is a very, very, strange man. I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA how he got away with it, but he (and my sister too) is a nurse, andf or many years he refused to wear surgical gloves while working with patients (it is horrifying that this was allowed; I don’t know how he got away with it), and he works in the ER in the “bad part of town.” I can’t believe they let him perform without gloves, but evidently he did,; I imagine nowadays they MUST INSIST on gloves. He is an arrogant know-it-all.Who knows…maybe he made the glove thing all up. He was the one who talked about quicken loans solving the whole problem. I went online; they do neither personal loans or home equity loans on houses that are on the market. But “then my brother can come forth with a loan” is right now not happening. I am working on them.</p>
<p>I have sent them links to banks who will give you a home equity without pre-payment penalty in a lump sum, and to my (limited) understanding ( I know I need to get educated), you can turn around and pay off the loan. I have a call into Fon du Lac Home Equity to get myself informed. I know my PCP told me to forget them ( my sister and BIL), but my mother has two daughters, and if I can, I will urge as far as I am able my sister to assume her responsibility.</p>
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<p>No. Stop thinking like this. </p>
<p>In round numbers: </p>
<p>–>She has $35K now.<br>
–>Minus $15K to move her into AL.<br>
–>Leaves $20K for repairs.</p>
<p>DO NOT continue to flush money down the caregiver toilet. Barbara is the reason your mom has lost almost half of her cash. Do you want her to suck up the rest of it? Terminate her today.</p>
<p>Also on your list today: call the realtor. Tell her it seems like the thing is stalling. Reiterate in the strongest terms that you need to sell as quickly as possible. Ask her to get the ball rolling on whatever inspections/repairs are needed, and get the thing done. </p>