<p>Maybe this is the right time for your sister to come out and visit like she promised?</p>
<p>I don’t think Dharma’s sister is reliable enough to entrust with stuff that needs to be done. I think most of us have been there/done that with siblings that don’t come through.</p>
<p>Probably, but it doesn’t hurt to ask. The sister had planned to show up with a friend, IIRC. They just cant stay at the house- they have to empty the house.</p>
<p>I had relatives who wouldnt lift a finger to help, but wanted me to pack up and ship them things. Well, I live 1000 miles away. Was not able to do that for them. If they wanted something they could have offered to come down . In fact they lived closer to where the house was than I do. If D’s sister isn’t willing to come help, then she should not expect dharma to select and ship her anything. Period.</p>
<p>This sister was unreliable in the past–when Dharma was very sick, she came to help “take care” of her but didn’t help at all. Cleaning out the house is going to be physically and emotionally difficult, and with a strict deadline. Not the time to call upon someone who has proven herself to be unreliable.</p>
<p>Well, if she doesn’t at least ask, the sister can pull the " I would have helped but you didn’t ask so I assumed you had it handled" line.</p>
<p>I cleaned out my mother’s apt when she moved here. Granted my mother holds on to useless junk.
But I will never take on the full job again, with or without a sibling. Hiring sound like the faster and less emotionally draining way to go. </p>
<p>Was that posted somewhere about the sister coming to “help” when the OP was ill? I don’t recall seeing that.</p>
<p>I hired 2 women to clean out my dad’s house. There are things in retrospect I’d wished I’d kept, but whats done is done. ANd there is NO WAY I could have done it without them, especially being far away. They handled the dumpster, the donations, the cleaning, they advised me against a “tag sale” for reasons I wont go into here, and shipped me my mom’s crystal and china. And got the crap outta there in time for the closing. Even handled coordinating some minor plumbing thing that had to be handled. </p>
<p>The first thing you will want to determine is what your mother will be taking with her to the AL. This includes furnishings, decor items, books, hobby items, etc. In her studio, will she have any sort of kitchenette? Will she be able to prepare any food for snacks? If so, she’ll need at least some of her kitchen stuff. (It may be best to buy your husband a can opener as Mom may need hers.) Even if there is no food prep area, she may want a plate for a few cookies and a tumbler or mug, and a few pieces of flatware.</p>
<p>Once you have determined what she will not need or want to take with her to AL, then it will be time for you and your sister to decide what is important enough to you and to her to keep. The tendency, speaking for myself, is to keep too much. If I could do it over, I would have included more items in the estate sale. </p>
<p>It’s generally not a good idea for elderly people to bring valuable jewelry to AL or NH. There is rampant theft of jewelry from such places. Unfortunate, but true. Now is a good time for her to pass it on. Also she should keep as little cash as possible on hand. Remember that maintenance and housekeeping staff have access to the rooms.</p>
<p>Finally it will be time to hire an estate sale professional to sell off the rest. Please don’t do this yourself. The sale will make more money if a professional does it, and you won’t even have to be present! All you’ll get is a nice check at the end. The check should be made out to your mother for correct record keeping, which will be important if she has to apply for Medicaid within 5 years.</p>
<p>CTmom makes an excellent point, Dharma. You have a mini-move coming up very soon, when your mom goes to AL. </p>
<p>Not to be a pest, but you really really want to hire a move manager NOW. That person will do the mini-move, as well as the cleanout of the big house. They will also handle the logistics of what to do with the stuff – sell, store, donate, gift, toss. </p>
<p>Here’s how simple it is: The move manager gave us stick-on dots of various colors. We went through the house and tagged stuff: Yellow for a family member (we wrote the person’s initial on the dot), blue for move to AL, green for sell, etc. AND THAT WAS IT!!! She arranged for EVERYTHING else, transporting items to the various siblings, moving things to the AL, estate sale, donations, recycling pickup. EVERYTHING. </p>
<p>We did not have to pack. We did not have to get bids from movers. We did not have to find an estate sale outfit. We did not have to ship the painting my brother wanted down to California. We did not have to make repeated runs to the recycling station. We did not have to contact electric, gas, cable, newspaper, Post Office. We did not have to set up the AL apartment. </p>
<p>Doesn’t that sound great?</p>
<p>With everything on your plate, and with your tendency to run yourself ragged trying to do everything, I cannot stress to you enough how important it is that you find a professional to handle this. </p>
<p>LasMa, I went to the link and found a senior move-management couple only 15 miles away. I will most definitely contact them when contracts are signed, probably by the end of the week.Your help in this one specific focal point is an example of how I don’t know how I would have gotten this far without the advisors on CC. I don’t want to be mushy, but I want to say thank you for all input, some of which has been tremendously and transformationally useful. I could never have stood up to my mother without the guidelines given here.</p>
<p>Specifically to Las Ma, about the move-in management team…I recognized how I needed help when I went to the house alone this afternoon and fathomed the enormity of the task of moving the contents of the house. It was overpowering.; . Each room, closet, drawer, etc is crammed with stuff. It took me two hours to clean out the fridge and drawers in the kitchen. My two daughters didn’t come over to help (it would have been hard for them to make decisions on what to toss and what to keep anyway) but did a great job of putting away the many, many bags of stuff I took from the house.</p>
<p>Thank you. I also have been thinking today about how this thread is something of an oddity, being something like an"online diary" by one person getting high-management feedback. I want to say a special thank you to those who read here, because the responses I get (and the relief from writing on the forum) are greatly helpful. I do have friends, and am not lone;y, butt this thread means a LOT and is powerful and influential.(,meEnough about me, but I just want to say I am SO GRATEFUL DD2 is still a JR because if she were a Senior now I don’t know how I would have coped. By this time in her Jr year, DD1 and I were well along with college visits, interviews, and analysis, now of which I have done with DD2. But, different from DD1, DD2has a clearer idea of what she wants, what colleges she ;oles and what she wants to do so I KNOW we will be fine. </p>
<p>I will reply at random. Just read above, very useful remarks, CT mom. Sad to say, and it is really sad, I want nothing of my mother’s. I will take some framed photographs and probably her engagement ring, but if–with my mother’s permission-my sister wants it, she can have it. The memories and associations with everything are too much for me. </p>
<p>jym626, sorry to post without highlighting. Yes! My maverick sister offered, after not seeing my mother for two years when my mother’s health was in good health., she wants to come out now / soon. At her own wedding, she did wear my mother’s wedding dress, which is special because it was hand-stiched by my mother’s sister who was a seamstress at Bonwitt Teller (sp?) in the early 1950s. It means nothing to me, I confess. I d\on’t know how my sister expects to transport it to reno, nv. I mentioned to her in an email today of a pair of fine chinese vases I sent to my parents from china, if she wants them. I have no idea how she would transport them to reno or want them at all. About the wedding dress, it means nothing to me, it is only a painful reminder of the afternoons she would take out the huge wedding album for me to awe over at how beautiful she was, when she could have been helping me with my homework. But my sister felt comfortable enough to wear the dress.</p>
<p>Interruption: Just had a long talk with my sister who wants to come but does not know what she wants or how she would ship things. I told her I would help her with any shipping she needs. She is really trying to be more in communication, I am grateful for that tremendous offer;. We chattered amicably, but came to no concrete solutions. Curiously, she chooses not to communicate with our mother. Since April/ I do not dare to ask her about this/ </p>
<p>CT mom, that was a touching note and I will take your good advice certainly to heart. My mother has already enumerated many times exactly what she wants to take to AL. I have a good idea of what she wants/needs in term of necessities, furiture. cl;opthes,pictures.and sp forth/ Topmorrpw I have to call the aL because they require what I think they call a "hermetically sealed "new mattress and boxespring and I must buy and arrange delivery. </p>
<p>Jym626l yes I believe the contracts will be pased from lawyer to lawyer via the realtors. We already got an email from our attprmey that he he os happy to re[[resejt us/</p>
<p>Good pomt arabrarb/ I ;eft a lpng message wotj tje NH SW worker that she , in her best judgment, must inform my mother pf the move ftp NMH from al. OI insisted I would not be present in there rppm if my mother is informed at our grpu[ meeting pm Wed wjem O a, [rresemt/ O said she ,is ,ist be omfpr,ed Mpnday/ Sprry fr the ky[ps bit it is late ad a bad leopard and my husband is mad at me/</p>
<p>Dharma, are you OK?</p>
<p>I suspect “late night phone vision problems” with auto-correct. Probably no bad leopards involved.</p>
<p>My keyboard acts like a bad leopard all the time b-( </p>
<p>LOL at bad leopard. </p>
<p>Sleep well, Dharma.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Good point arabrab. I left a long message with the NH SW that she, in her best judgment, must inform my mother of the move from NH to AL. I insisted I would not be present in the room if my mother is informed at our group meeting Wed pm when I am present. In my voice mail I asked that she be informed on Monday. Sorry for the keyboard mistakes but it is late and I am working with a bad keyboard and my husband is mad at me.</p>
<p>My husband LIKES to cook and go grocery shopping - it relaxes him, especially on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. He had cooked me a beautiful piece of salmon and was understandably unhappy that I was downstairs typing while my plate was waiting…</p>
<p>jym626, forgot if I replied - yes we have an excellent lawyer who has done everything for us and will do the real estate. The realtor and my husband have both already emailed him and he replied that he would be happy to represent us.</p>
<p>Salmon at 11:00 at night?</p>
<p>We recently moved my mom from her townhouse to a 2 bedroom apartment. I can’t say nightmare enough. My sister is still mad about it. Everyone chose to ignore my idea to hire the senior move manager. Yet, two of them just didn’t show up and help with the move. At all. It literally took about a year of going through the place and taking care of things before the actual move. Please, keep your mom nowhere near this process. My mom made things even more difficult. Everything item was precious, everything required a walk down memory lane. Many, many boxes sit in closets because no one could bear getting rid of them, but they weren’t useful anymore. I already declared I will not help with the next move, but I will pay for the senior move manager. The two that didn’t participate will have to take care of this next move, that I predict will be coming soon. </p>