<p>Good sleep must be a blessing to you and your mom! Great to hear!</p>
<p>Glad to hear you got out last night. You’re right, it really is important to take yourself physical AND mentally out of the elder care situation occasionally. Remember when our kids were babies? They were exhausting and all-consuming, and we needed to get out for a date night on a regular basis to preserve our marriages and our sanity. Exact same thing here.</p>
<p>Love David Sedaris!</p>
<p>Any updates on the tank?</p>
<p>The job had to be divided into two days because the expert who does the excavation was only available today, Wednesday. Yesterday the team put the new oil tank in the tank. All the pipes and the tank itself (a nice green, much nicer than my rust-colored tank) looks great. A big truck took my internet down yesterday so I’m writing from the library. The men have just started digging, so today is the big day - the excavation, examination of the tank for flaws, the examination of the soil and the taking of the soil for soil samples. Hope for the best!</p>
<p>The contracts are with the buyer’s attorney, waiting for the buyer’s signature.</p>
<p>Going back to the house now to be on hand to observe. I will tell them to bring me outside if they find any hint of anything suspicious. Yesterday’s job took all day, surprisingly. Wonder how long they’ll need today.</p>
<p>Weird stuff from my sister. Will report when I get my internet back at home. Thanks for asking and keeping in touch.</p>
<p>Thanks for updating! Yes, it took a long time for them to install our new oil tank last year, also. Much longer than I expected.</p>
<p>We are indeed hoping for the best for the removal of the old tank and examination of soil.</p>
<p>Oh yes, CT mom, thank you for writing. I went to the house at 11 am and was mildly shocked to see no equipment or trucks in the driveway. I feared that for some reason they had abandoned the job. But no, as I got closer, I saw the area surrounding the tank was carefully raked and covered with hay.They were finished! I called the company, and the receptionist happily reported to me that in the judgment of the excavation director the tank showed no imperfections, the excavated soil samples seemed unsoiled, but will still have to be sent to the Dept. of the Environment for absolute confirmation. I have already communicated with my attorney on this good result and how we will wait for the letter from the DOE… But, what good news!</p>
<p>Had a most absurd/comical day at the NH with my mother, staff, and others who live there --will try to recount tomorrow.</p>
<p>Hurray!!</p>
<p>About yesterday’s manic events, got a call from the AL Director at 11 am that she needed the NH’s MD long medical report required for admissions (I had dropped it off at the NH two weeks ago) THAT AFTERNOON as she wanted Adele to move in on Tuesday Oct 28. No explanation about why that date, but easy to presume she had commitments the other days, and nicely, she is getting my mother in before the rates go up Nov 1. No explanation about why she needed the report that day except that she needed to “submit it electronically” to some kind of AL clearing-house and needed it immediately. So I had no choice but to drive 40 minutes to get it and decided to take the dog. Mistake because we arrived at lunch time. Got the report, saw my mother in the lunch room, and went to see her (with dog) for a quick hello and to explain why I couldn’t stay (dog). As I’ve described, my mother lost her hearing aids and we had to shout. She ignored that I had to make a quick exit and asked me to write down my phone number (I have given it to her a million times) and kept questioning, Do I dial 9 to get an outside line? Do I have to dial 1? I feel desperate. A woman at the table whom I assume had dementia issues cried out Collie! German Shepherd! Dachsund! Suddenly I am surrounded by three staff members who understandably tell me to put the dog in my mother’s room–good suggestion. We go back to the confused discussion about the telephone number and my mother complains about the food for a long time. Suddenly the three staff people are back exclaiming The dog is barking! The dog must go! My mother is so self-absorbed she is not getting it at all that there is a situation. I have to say a quick Goodbye! Call later! and get the dog, who has left a wet circle on the carpet. I wonder if they are going to make me pay for a new carpet. I tell the woman at the desk, Look, the dog was scared and nervous and left a small wet circle. Just spray it with a cleanser and rub it with a paper towel and it will be fine. She said No Problem! Maintenance will take care of it! Rush home to pick up DDs at school just in time and tell them they are responsible for making their snack.</p>
<p>Rush to AL with the report, and, responsibly, the Director has me go over it with her page by page. Everything was correct. Rush back to be home by 4 when Comcast is scheduled to restore phone/tv/internet. Nice guy. We had just had a mammoth printer/scanner/fax delivered and when he was done I told him my husband was on the slight side, and for $10 would he carry it upstairs to my husband’s home office? He said sure, took it upstairs, and took the $10. I was curious whether he would; either way was fine with me but it’s interesting to see what choices people make. A couple of years ago I had a flat tire, turned onto a residential street, and the young couple driving behind me followed me, fixed the flat (shamefully I don’t think I could have done it myself) and refused the $20 I tried to give them. Wow!</p>
<p>During the critical days ahead, my astonishing sister wants to come visit…with her best friend! "To help"Three visits over 20 years (one for my brain tumor), and now. AND “to save money” she wants me to pick them up at the airport! With no rental car, well, I guess we could all fit into the two family cars, but every day is busy and critical. And how am I supposed to feed them? I can’t expect them to feed on scraps the way my family has been doing! Besides moving mother, walker, and belongings around, I would have to ferry them to and from the B&B. I decided, no.
I wrote her an upbeat letter, telling her how happy it would make our mother to be to look forward, once she was settled, to a visit from my sister and her friend. Her happy anticipation would overcome her inevitable fears and worry, and I do think it would. I suggested anytime after Nov 2, or Thanksgiving, when we would have to fetch mother to our house for the turkey dinner. Waiting for her reply.</p>
<p>Have lost and miraculously recovered keys, wallet, glasses, multiple times, and because our copier was broken, had to make copies of the POA, Living Will, and Health Care Proxy at the library (for the AL). I go home and the librarian calls me to tell me I left the ORIGINALS on the bookcase by the copier. That is how scattered I am.</p>
<p>I had another car accident.
This time it is complicated and worrisome. DD3 has a friend who has a nightmare of a driveway; to get out, you can’t turn around; you have to drive backward, and at the end of the narrow driveway (it was dark and they never put the lights on for me) the drive is flanked by two tall outside lamps, a big green box which I guess is the airconditioning? and a mailbox. Going backward in the dark, you have to squeeze out. I was going so slowly, I “touched” one of their lampposts, got out, and yes it had left a visible dent–actually, more like a crease. I got home and called and said I AM SO SORRY and of course we will pay for the repair! I imagined she would look at it the next day and call and say It’s practically nothing! Forget about it! Instead, a few days later, she called, clearly unhappy, and icyly said they had the contractor who built the house look at it and to correct the damage (install new fixture and cement it in) would cost $800! The lamp worked, but the contractor said the whole long line of electric wire from the house to the post might have to dug up and replaced because it was “compromised”! I said, oh my…I am responsible for the damage, and I will send G, our 20 yr electrician/all around pro to examine it, too, the best contractor in the county. I told G what the guy said about the long wire being compromised and he said that was “absurd” but he used a much stronger word. He is very busy, but he went to see the job the next day and said he could get the identical fixture at Home Depot, bring his own water to mix the cement, and call ahead to make sure they were home so they could test the lamp. For much less money. I call the Mom who asks crisply, How soon can he do it? What’s the rush? It is only a crease! You practically have to put your nose in the grass to see it!</p>
<p>Waiting to hear back from my mother’s bestfriend/handyman if he will join us on Sunday for the Great Trip to The House to pick out clothes, identify furniture, choose linens and items, etc. for the move. I have the garage already filled with suitcases and boxes. I told him, this is not fun–this is a job–I need you to keep things cheerful and keep my mother going, because alone with me she will lag. So I told him to tell me, what do you charge an hour? Still waiting to hear, so emailed my SW friend to find out if she would kindly be available if needed. It will be so very much easier with a third person. </p>
<p>Dharmawheel, it’s hard, really hard, but you are slogging through, and good for you. Lots of excellent moves (like with your sister) but of course the accident is troubling. Take a deep breath and keep on keeping on. Your mother is almost moved in. (((((HUGS!)))))</p>
<p>Tell sis to get a rental. Tell her otherwise she and her bff will be stuck with you for all the AL/NH/DD runs. And that’s a lot. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>The dog’s urine on the carpet can be cleaned. You should not be charged for a new carpet!</p></li>
<li><p>The delivery guy accepted what was offered-- he might have done it free, but you did offer, and he probably needed the money. Good for you for offering it and thereby saving your husband the heavy job. </p></li>
<li><p>Consider getting AAA! There will not always be folks around to help.</p></li>
<li><p>Great decision regarding your sister.</p></li>
<li><p>Smart thinking having your own electrical guy look at the lamp fixture. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>You are getting there! Remember, it won’t always be this hectic.</p>
<p>Oh, my!
Yes, tell Sis your cup runneth over to (this is ok to say,) to rent car and that you are unable to provide amenities. Tell her she could fit in the house, sleep on the couch, but dynamics now are such that, “as much as I wish we could,” we can’t accommodate an addl guest. </p>
<p>Put your foot down, kiddo. It’s ok. Nothing in this world says, with all else you have been handling, that you “owe” her what she wants. Please understand when we say that a lot of the messiness of all you are dealing with is this desire to meet others more than half way.</p>
<p>Just Say No. We will stand behind you.</p>
<p>Plus she’ll need a car for her errands for Mom and visits. Ha!</p>
<p>Or let her stay and see what life is really like. Don’t stay up all night putting chocolate on her pillow and wake early for breakfast in bed. Maybe she will get on board and see what you’ve been dealing with. </p>
<p>TempeMom, I don’t think Dharma needs that kind of stress in her life or in her house. She can teach her sister the lesson another time when there’s not so much going on, if she so chooses.</p>
<p>I felt bad for posting such a long post, but what a lift to get quick, sensible, fun responses while I was looking at my thread about the “bad math teacher” (such good advice - so great when made to see things in perspective). Oh no, they certainly won’t make me pay for a new carpet (I’m sure my dog isn’t the first one to pee on the carpet, said slyly). And no, sister cannot come now, especially with a friend. At the least, there would be another car accident.</p>
<p>I don’t think Sis is going to “get it” so easily. People who get it don’t tend to delay their support, set their own expectations and expect others to do things like pick them up over an hour away, through traffic, and put up a guest. I’m reading some tea leaves here.</p>
<p>Must’ve misread and thought sis was definitely coming…</p>
<p>And No, she can’t stay in Mom’s house. </p>
<p>Kudos to you for saying no to your sister. That was extremely sensible and wise with all you are dealing with. </p>
<p>In the future, I’d avoid that friend’s driveway. Perhaps your daughter can walk up it and skip nighttime visits all together. How rude that homeowner sounds - esp in light of the difficulty of navigating that driveway. </p>