<p>Dharma, don’t say it would be ideal. Tell her you can’t pick her up at the airport or provide a car for her to use. Really sorry, but just not possible, what with everything going on. Send her the Port Authority links, suggest the airport in Westchester, and the rest is up to her.</p>
<p>Don’t give them the Westchester option; tell them to rent a car since your schedule with closing/movers/cleaners is not yet firm and flight arrivals are often unpredictable.</p>
<p>See, you are trying to be polite and considerate, at your own expense. That’s led to so many issues and it all rolls downhill onto you.</p>
<p>We’ve been telling you since July when to Just Say No. </p>
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No, not “it might be hard”, but instead “I am sorry but I will not be able to provide transportation to/from the airports. I look forward to seeing you when you arrive.”</p>
<p>Dharma, I know this is hard., I was also the family member who tried my utmost to accommodate. But it didn’t work then and it doesn’t work now. You have done a lot so far and you are almost done. You just don’t need the additional stress of catering to your sister. What’s she going to do? Hit you? Tell you what a terrible sister you are? You can laugh at that because you know the truth.</p>
<p>If she doesn’t want to rent a car, have her take a shuttle. Simply tell her you can’t pick her up at the airport, sorry. Don’t explain in minute detail, including Daylight Savings Time and earwax, why you can’t pick her up. Just say it’s impossible. </p>
<p>And then when you drop her off to visit Mom, leave. Give her the phone number of a taxi company.</p>
<p>No, Sis still needs a car during her visit. Dharma said she’d let her use hers- but that clearly leaves Dharma without mobility. As it stands, this is not just about the airport. </p>
<p>Fine by me if Sis rents a car locally for the duration from someplace other than the airport. But she needs her own car. Sis isn’t reliable, likely won’t be offloading responsibilities from Dharma’s shoulders and is bringing a friend to make this, in part, a vacation. Or the friend will be a buffer between Sis and any Mom responsibilities. The writing is on the wall, I think.</p>
<p>Whatever-- it’s up to Sis to arrange her own transportation. She can use a shuttle and taxis, or rent a car. Dharma, your sister’s transportation is not your problem.</p>
<p>Omg Dharma, can’t you see how ridiculous it is for your sister to expect you to play chauffeur? Under normal circumstances, sure. But this is not normal circumstances.</p>
<p>And yes, that was nicely on-topic. :-)</p>
<p>Yeah, I really have unrelenting stuff going on. All of you here know, the dedication of time, thought and effort is extreme. I just went over my mother’s remaining assets and anticipated expenses until closing, and things are worrying, and mind you, we do not yet have signed contracts. </p>
<p>I just sent my husband a long email and will paste in a part here that is RELEVANT to elder care:</p>
<p>“I am getting angry that we have not heard from our lawyer (which does not mean I am angry with our lawyer, who is very nice), which means the signed contract, which has been with the buyer’s lawyer over a week, has not been signed and returned (Our lawyer told me he would call as soon as he had the contract signed.) It is bad business. DH, shall I write to our Iawyer and ask him to use his judgement to contact the buyer’s lawyer if it seems fitting to him, inquire at what stage the buyer is with his mortgage loan/loan pre-approval (or is he payng cash?), discuss a closing date, and move the proceedings along? I think the timing is appropriate. This is not being done in a timely way…”</p>
<p>Interruption: My husband just called and said write to our lawyer as you (meaning me) outlined. But since you kind readers are reading along, I will wait for what you might have to say that would enhance the letter. Or comments in general.</p>
<p>Remember, I was reluctant to put down money on AL until the magic “ten days before closing” but because a scarce room came our way at the closest AL, I have secured it and must rely on the house to be sold to provide the AL retal income. We need to know the buyer’s plans to finance the house–to know, if we are allowed to know, if he is paying cash–how long it will take for his mortgage approval process, etc. Isn’t it appropriate for our lawyer to be asking the buyer’s lawyer these questions?</p>
<p>Remember, the house is still on the market for $150,000, a new oil tank in the basement, and a virtual guarantee of no soil contamination. Perhaps tomorrow I should ask our realtor to lower the price to $140,000…your thoughts?</p>
<p>I was delighted by the feedback here to my sister’s proposal that I meet her plane. Your outrage made my day! </p>
<p>I may soften. DH can actually walk to work. I can have two cars at home, one for me, one for them. Flights/connections to Newark are easy, and there is a plush bus to Poughkeepsie (thanks for the info, oldmom) which is an easy drive for e to pick them up (I just hope the bus doesn’t arrive at 1 am). They can have the sedan all day and I can have the Van. I just really, really, really, really, can’t understand why she has chosen THIS time not to rent a car when she has rented a car for all earlier visits. I can take a day or two or more to think about it. Maybe I should wait till early next week when I hear back from our lawyer and our oddly-silent moving manager and “take my temperature” then. This will also be after my mother has made The Great Trip to the House to pick out clothes, furniture, etc on Sunday (thank God friend will be there) and I can assess how cracked up I am. </p>
<p>(I am rereading. That was a long post. But it was all on topic, yes?)</p>
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<p>I am already hardening. The quotation above is the simple truth.</p>
<p>Dharma, rattle the realtor’s cage. She should be on top of the schedule.</p>
<p>Do NOT give her any of your cars, SAY NO. Your husband does not have to walk in the rain.She can rent a ()<em>%&W_$</em>W$% car or take a cab/bus.</p>
<p>Why do we write all this advice if you read it, thank posters for it-- and then turn around and tell us “I may soften. DH can actually walk to work…”</p>
<p>Sister gets her way, AGAIN, at your expense, and you really, really don’t see why? </p>
<p>And you don’t tell the attorney what to do or whom to call. Your agent dogs the other agent.</p>
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<p>Oh, LF, go back and read #570. I reversed myself in a minute and wrote “I am already hardening” etc.</p>
<p>There are banking, realtor, and moving things to do in the next tight few days. I don’t have to overstress myself. I am meeting with the Estate Manager to view the contents of my mother’s house at 10 on Monday. I will write to my sister on Tuesday that she and her friend have to rent a car.</p>
<p>Two people wrote above to contact the realtor and not the lawyer, thank you. Thanks for the heads up. I would have wrongly put all my questions to the lawyer. I will write to her this evening. She will almost certainly be working/check her email tomorrow. Have to go out now and find fangs for DD3s halloween costume (party tomorrow).</p>
<p>Today is Friday. Why wait til Tuesday? Send her an email. A BRIEF email. Say, politely, “find your own transportation”.</p>
<p>Agree, write today. Takes ten minutes.<br>
Why give her four more days of thinking you are in agreement? I suspect Tuesday is going to seem odd- “why didn’t you just tell me before we went ahead with planning??”</p>
<p>Exactly. If it were me, I’d appreciate the early heads up so there is plenty of time to look into transportation.</p>
<p>And the post was on point til the halloween costume comment :)</p>
<p>May I join in on the chours of “do not lend your car to your sister!!!”
As others have pointed out, it’s not a reasonable request at this time. You are allowed to say NO. We are all giving you ‘permision’. You don’t need to explain - and indeed should not. Just say no - Rent a car. </p>
<p>It isn’t fair to your husband that he be inconvenined by the loss of a vehicle so that he has to walk to work (the weather won’t be so pleasant by Nov) and it certainly isn’t fair to you. Nope. Just say No. </p>
<p>Right. Why give her four days to plan and then spring this on her? That can be annoying. Don’t try so hard not to be annoying that you inadvertently…are annoying.</p>
<p>I don’t know how to say this best, but when you say “I am already hardening,” in the same breath as, “I may soften. DH can actually walk to work,” it just comes across as contradictory. When you posted 570, you still had time to edit 569. So, we got two different messages from those. </p>
<p>And re: questions about when the contract will get to attorneys, all you need to say to the RE agent is: * any word on when we can expect the contract?"* No explanations or context are needed. Nothing about what else you’re juggling around this. She knows.</p>