<p>Yes, email the realtor today. No need for a long paragraph. Simply “What’s going on with the contract? I’m getting nervous.” </p>
<p>In #569 you said the house is still on the market for $150K. Please tell me that was a typo.</p>
<p>I’'m mostly lurking on this thread since others have been giving such great advice, but…Does anyone else see the sister’s visit as being motivated by a desire to get things from the house? </p>
<p>The priority should be that anything that Mom wants goes with her to AL, and the sisters work fast to clear everything else out before closing. If sister can grab what she wants and leave, fine. But whatever you do, don’t let her decision process slow down the clean-out. Nothing stored in your house, nothing left in Mom’s house until sis can move it, nothing for you to cart to a storage unit - she is on her own to claim her stuff and clear out. </p>
<p>Maybe this is what my mom refers to as borrowing trouble, but it may be important to lay down ground rules for Sis before she shows up.</p>
<p>Also, once Mom is in the AL, getting paid for future months is the AL’s problem They’ll know that the house needs to be sold, and if something comes up do delay that, they will be well equipped to deal with it.</p>
<p>Great thought for Dharma to get what she wants out of the house before the vultures arrive. </p>
<p>And did mom still have a car before all the health problems began this summer? Is it still at the house? If so, why doesn’t the sister drive that? Sister can take a cab to the house and pick up the car (if there is one- I seem to vaguely remember that mom had a car… I could be wrong). But NO playing chauffeur. JUST NO. There is enough to be done- playing chauffeur and hostess is not on the list. And if she asks you to pack up and ship stuff to her-- NO. She can do that herself while in town. You have enough to location do. The people hired to help with mom’s relocation (those 2 people you contacted from the next town over) will often do this (for a fee). If sister wants something packed and shipped, she sets it up with them and she pays them. </p>
<p>Let your sister behave as an adult. Adults make their own plans.</p>
<p>• Don’t pick her up or chauffeur her.
• Don’t be without a car.
• Don’t make your husband be without a car.
• Don’t pack things for her, ship things for her, or store things for her. </p>
<p>I can understand her wanting to have some of the stuff from the house before the estate sale is held. A valid reason for a visit. But Mom gets dibs-- of course! You said you didn’t want anything of your Mom’s. That’s fine, but be sure about that, so there is no misunderstanding later with your sister.</p>
<p>I hope your buyer comes through for you soon. He could sign a contract now, with the funding a contingency, so I don’t understand why he hasn’t signed one yet. </p>
<p>If he can’t get funding, or fails to give you a contract for any other reason, he will leave you high and dry with no other offers. If I were you, I would lower the house price now to attract other offers.</p>
<p>What is taking the buyer so long? And why isn’t your realtor on top of this? Early last week, we were hearing that the contract would be signed this week. It’s Friday, and no contract. On a $150K deal, your realtor will make $9000. Make her earn it by keeping you up to date on the status of the contract.</p>
<p>I agree with CT about lowering the price of the house. You need a backup plan if this deal falls through. (And normally, people sign contracts before the mortgage comes through. What’s the holdup here? It’s suspicious.)</p>
<p>Did I miss something? When did the price get lowered from 250 to 150?</p>
<p>It didn’t. It’s a typo.</p>
<p>OK. The price is $250K. The realtor is getting 3% of that, or $7500 (ignore message #584, where I was calculating the payment for both realtors). That’s plenty of money to ensure that she is on top of the buyer’s agent.</p>
<p>Agent’s commission can be split with her broker.
I’m surprised the price wasn’t lowered already, to attract competing interest.</p>
<p>OK good, thanks. Dharma also said 150, so I was confused!</p>
<p>I’m surprised too, LF. Dharma, this particular buyer isn’t acting like a buyer who has a burning desire to buy the house. You need to start thinking about a Plan B just in case he backs out. IMO it’s time to lower the price and get some open houses going. </p>
<p>Did your realtor get back to you about what the holdup is on the contract? </p>
<p>Read everything new before replying.7 am and the whole house sleeps before DDs and I leave for Chinese School. Dang! I hate it when I typo and mean to write $250,000. The agreed upon price with the :buyer" is $220" because of the septic problem. I asked her, if she agreed that the time was right, to change the listing to list the house at $240,000, note new in-garage oil tank, and is sold “as is.” I told the realtor I didn’t know what the protocol was on telling a new potential buyer about the compromised septic system (the report ordered by the first buyer). A new buyer can have their own septic analysis done. Most likely the buyer’s realtor will notice the reduced price and perhaps this will motivate the buyer to sign the contract.</p>
<p>I realized that here in NY, I had questions about the contract that had to be addressed to the lawyer( the realtor told me so) and questions to the realtor. The lawyer replied like at 8 pm and said he had NOT heard from the buyer’s lawyer and would delicately recommend speed in a phone call monday morning. My questions to the realtor were that I wouldabout whether it was appropriate for the seller’s to know the buyer’s financing plans, where along the path he was with them, did he have a pre-approved mortgage (earlier I was told he did not) or in fact did he plan to pay in cash. I pointed out that in three wks or less we will have a letter confirming the cleanliness of the soil, and anything holding up the closing is on the buyer’s end. And I asked her to advise me about whether it was appropriate at this time to address any of these concerns to the buyer’s realtor, and if so, to go right ahead. (I don’t want to tell either professional “what to do.”</p>
<p>No contract sent to the attorney is not a good sign. Lower the price and assume you are starting anew. If current buyer is still in the picture that will be a pleasant bonus.</p>
<p>You have to disclose the septic problem. It is a known issue and must be disclosed.</p>
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</p>
<p>oh, simply because I am tied up ALL DAY SAT< SUN AND Mon with things only those dealing with elder care could comprehend. Because I am conflicted I was nervous about zipping off a quick reply as you wisely suggested. Should have two days ago. Because: The point is mute because I checked my email and got this a few minutes ago:</p>
<p>“Hi sister,
I have our travel plans. We’ll be there the evening of Nov 8th (Saturday) I think our flight lands in LaGuardia at 5:30pm and we leave the 13th at 10am ish.
I booked our room at the B&B in Pawling and they have a frig we can keep food in. Could you pick us up or should we take a train?
sister”</p>
<p>Eight weeks of silence at crisis juncture, and now she’s rushing me and making the arrangements? Why couldn’t she have waited to hear from me as we had agreed? Does it have to do with lower-priced airline seats?</p>
<p>About Mom getting dibs, I dread tomorrow but will behave without ripple. As I wrote before, tomorrow, I drive her t the house, and a GREAT friend, she and I will pack everything going with her to the AL. All will be in suitcases and boxes in the garage waiting for the 10/28 move. I am counting on the energetic friend to “keep her moving” I had only ONE suitcase and borrowed four from a friend yesterday (elder-care time-waster detail)/</p>
<p>As for a car, NO, my mother hasn’t had a car for years! Who do you think has been doing her twice weekly detailed grocer shopping? MD appts? Frequent chin waxing and hair cut appts? Podiarist appts? Taking her when she insisted on attending DD1s HS graduation?</p>
<p>Off to Chinese School, then the bank to transfer money with POA, must be done in person, then to AL to pick up docs which were scanned to me TWICE yesterday and ended up gibberish in Spam…</p>
<p>delete</p>
<p>SHORT email. Send it NOW. Just like posting here, send a brief message.
“Looking forward to seeking you. My schedule is hectic so unfortunately I will not be able to provide transportation for you. Its best for you to rent a car”</p>
<p>
This is off topic, but just wondering- why wouldn’t you take her to the graduation? (Assuming she was emotionally stable at the time and wouldn’t make a scene).</p>
<p>Hey, let’s be nice. This is a support group, right? Yes, we tell it like it is, but this is one stressed-out woman! Been there-done that. A little sugar helps the medicine go down. (Did I say that? Yes!)</p>
<p>I do agree to tackle an email to Sis now, strike while the iron is hot and you have leverage. Five minutes.<br>
I know it can be intimidating. But in fact, the number of tasks right now forms the perfect scenario to tell her to rent a car. Along the lines of, </p>
<p>Sis, there is so much up in the air, so much I need to juggle, too much that comes up last minute. I’m dealing with Mom, the house, and my girls’ schedules. When I look back on even the last two weeks, I’m astounded. You’ll need to rent a car. That will give you mobility without having to depend on me, will free us both. </p>
<p>A little sandwich technique.</p>
<p>Think of how many times, even with posting to us, that you have one foot out the door or your mind elsewhere. Just admit that to her. Nothing lost in asking her to take on this responsibility which is for herself and her friend.</p>
<p>Dharma, that’s really good advice from lookingforward. If you delay telling your sister, it will be worse all around. And for sure it will be better if she can get around without any help from your immediate family. Set limits early, you can always give back if it turns out better with your sister than the worst possible scenario, but just in case, you can control the situation better. And she will respond to you with more respect if you don’t fold your cards almost a month before she gets here. Lesson learned for me! Plan for the worst, and be pleasantly surprised if it turns out to be not so bad.</p>
<p>Also, don’t worry so much about the AL place. Once your mother is there, they will wait for their money. They will know that the house is on the way to being sold. They gain nothing by throwing her out for a month. Nothing.</p>