<p>I know it was shown yesterday afternoon to a new party. I expect that I’ll hear tomorrow from our realtor about the first realtor’s response to our counter-proposal about the inspections on the oil tank and the septic system, and about the family who saw the house yesterday.</p>
<p>Dharma, I’ve never had to deal with septic systems etc, but my husband does home inspection and termite inspections, and I can confidently tell you that there are problems with every house. There is no such thing as a perfect house. </p>
<p>You are taking this MUCH too personally. At the end of the day, it’s a financial transaction in which the seller wants to get as much as possible, and the buyer wants to pay as little as possible. Negotiation is standard operating procedure, and ideally you meet somewhere in the middle. The party who approaches it emotionally is usually bested by the party who doesn’t. You are not being dissed, and the offer is not a personal reflection on you. If you don’t like this offer, you don’t have to take it, simple as that. </p>
<p>BTW, my parents’ house was also immaculate. BUT it was dated. It had formica and berber – while potential buyers were looking for granite and hardwood. Our realtor wisely advised us to price the house to reflect $15-20K in upgrades. Is your mom’s house dated?</p>
<p>Agree with LasMa. Older homes will always have issues. No.Matter.What. Different inspectors may find different things. And in some cases old wiring may need to be brought up to code. </p>
<p>Are you sure the septic tank is in the front and not the oil tank? My dad’s oil tank was in the front (didnt have a septic tank-- was on city water) and having the tank test done was REQUIRED to rule out any potential EPA hazard issue.</p>
<p>And by the way, realtors always expect the buyer and seller to come off their prices. Some realtors are willing to come off their commission a little bit to close the deal. Its worth asking. They dont want to lose the deal either. They probably wont volunteer to do this-- they just expect the buyer and seller to give up their $$, but its a reasonable request of you and the buyer are a few thousand apart . Each realtor can shave a thousand or $1500 from their commission to close the deal.</p>
<p>“Immaculate” is irrelevant as far as the home inspection is concerned. A house can be immaculately clean, and still need a new roof, or a new septic system, or new wiring, or something.</p>
<p>I agree with LasMa. Business is business. If this offer is too low for you, don’t accept, and wait for an offer you like better.</p>
<p>It’s been, what, three weeks? The house could be getting a little stale on the market. It may be time to consider a listing price reduction.</p>
<p>Wise words, all this is very useful. Yes, I am certain the septic tank is in the front. While the buyer and his realtor was in the house with the inspector the survey was on the table and it shows the septic right on the survey as being under the wide expanse of front lawn. How could they not have seen this and claim that “the septic in the back is interfered with the tree’s roots”? So yes, I did take it a little personally .</p>
<p>Definitely we are having the soil around the oil tank tested. My mother will pay for that. We may also have to pay to have the tank taken out of the ground and a new tank put in the basement. The potential buyer will pay for the septic to be emptied and inspected. So clearly he is still interested in the house. My realtor did say that some of the buyer’s realtor’s remarks relayed in an email were “absurd” and she demanded a copy of the actual inspection report which the realtor did obligingly give her. At this point, we are moving forward, but some of the “repairs” must be dropped and the price must come up $10,000.</p>
<p>Yes, it might be time to lower the asking price, as Cardinal Fang suggests. </p>
<p>Good advice, jym626.</p>
<p>Awful story about your brother’s arrogance, LasMa. Because of the decline in her health, I am managing all my mother’s bills and affairs now. My sister does now email–about once a week–and never mentions our mother.</p>
<p>Its perhaps ore likely they claimed the roots of the tree interfered with the tank, not the other way around. </p>
<p>If they will accept a soil test rather than a tank test for the oil tank, thats probably better. </p>
<p>Is mom in the ALF now? Did sister ever come to visit as promised?</p>
<p>Three weeks on the market and a listing is “stale”? Wow. Not in some markets. If a sellert starts to lower price fast, it signals desperation to buyers. It is also not unheard of buyers making unreasonable demands in their offers.</p>
<p>Since the parent caring for parents thread is over 300 pages andhistorically tended to have fewer posts in a row from one person I think it makes sense to have this separate thread for Dharma. That way all the followers of the Dharm- Mom saga can catch up here whenever is convenient.
Dharma, I understand your feeling chastised, we can all be sensitive or take things in the most serious way possible, but perhaps the ‘complaints’ were more productively meant in directing you to your own thread where you can post as much and as often as you like and the entire thread can be addressing this one thing, your mother and moving her. You are in a semi-crisis, right in the midst of doing all the things many of us fear having to do. Many readers will learn from your journey.
In the future it could be helpful to people who reference this thread, with all the pertinent posts in one place!</p>
<p>The reason I suggesting thinking about a price reduction is simple: Dharma wants to sell the house quickly, and it isn’t selling at this price.</p>
<p>Somemom, yes at first I was shocked but with thought, self-recognition, self-scrutiny and time, have come to see the sense of how things have evolved. Thank you for sharing. My only fear is that people will not come to my thread! I say that because, after I read the several comments early this morning, I again had a revolution in my mind of clarity–as I have had several times because of the advice and…higher thinking skills shall I call them?–of people on board here about how, yes, I was thinking childishly about the home inspection and was not thinking practically about the normal and to-be-expected give-and-take in negotiations. </p>
<p>So thank you, again, for clearing my head. I feel much more composed. And please continue to visit my thread!</p>
<p>I had two very interesting emails from our realtor later in the morning. She took a lot of time to detail every minuscule thing the buyer’s inspector pointed out as a flaw. They had one heck of an inspector. He even noted that one of the shingles on the roof (relatively new - my parents replaced it only a few years ago) was BENT. My realtor told me which repairs she would say we choose to overlook and which we will have fixed. I have to make arrangements to have several things done. Once these fixes are done, the soil around the oil tank is tested (she has told the other realtor that if the soil was clean the tank will NOT be removed. It is not required in NY State.) and the septic checks out okay, she will give them our lowest price (their bid is LOW). That being so, she reasoned, as we are sort of in negotiations and the house is being seen–it was seen yesterday–she said we should wait to lower the price until we either make a deal with this current interested party, or we fail to come to terms.</p>
<p>An interesting comp - the house almost directly across the street - a very plain ranch with no garage recently sold for more than my mother will accept as her “final offer”. Whoever sold the house was lucky. My mother’s house is an attractive cape cod with a huge yard with beautiful birch trees, and an attached two car garage.</p>
<p>While I was waiting at the train station for the caregiver, planning next to pick up my mother, the MD called and said my mother’s heart rhythmn was so erratic that the MDs wanted to put in a pacemaker. So my mother agreed, and they called to consult me. It will be done tomorrow. They say she can probably go home Thursday. Of course we will pay the caregiver while she is waiting for my mother. From my library system, I ordered for her their entire collection of books in Polish, so at least she has that. And I offered to take her for groceries whenever she wants.</p>
<p>I’ve been debating with myself about whether I should raise an issue that’s been on my mind…a very curious question. I am going to take the plunge and ask you to tell me what you think of a conversation I had with one of the other parents at Chinese school two weeks ago.</p>
<p>We were excited to see each other after the summer. I want to conceal his/her identify so I will call this person him/her. This person is a brilliant lawyer, in fact a DA Prosecutor in a very dangerous borough of NYC. I brought him/her up to date about my mother and complained of all the hours associated with employing an employee, payroll, taxes, workman’s comp, etc. He/she said, Dharmawheel, why don’t you pay her under the table like everybody else? I said Your Name! You are a lawyer! He/she smiled and said, Not only that, I’m a prosecutor! The following week I brought in three long documents I had printed off the web about the legal requirements, what happens when you get caught, and all the necessary legal steps of hiring a caregiver. He/she said, I admire your honesty, but still…</p>
<p>What do you think? I hope you all think I am doing the right thing! I think he/she thinks I am a fool!</p>
<p>A pacemaker in an elderly frail woman is a one day hospital stay? Thats bizarre.
As for the caregiver. Its a non issue so do what you are doing til mom is out of the house. What happened to the AL placement and why isnt she already there?</p>
<p>Sorry, jym626, I didn’t scroll up far enough to read your comment. By ALF I assume you mean Assisted Living? No! The cheapest place is $4,000 a month and the place she prefers is $5,450 a month! Each AL Requires THREE months of rent downpayment. (I think I wrote all this already) She cannot put down this money until 10 days before the closing because as the realtor explained to me, 10 days before the closing the bank absolutely commits to lend the money to the person taking out the mortgage. If the house doesn’t close by the end of January (the realtor is confident it will), my mother will be left with a cushion of money in her account, the caregiver goes, and she moves into my house while her house remains on the market. Her Social Security will easily cover the costs of maintaining her house. Sorry everybody, I think I did write all this already.</p>
<p>Yes, ALF is assisted living. Will they hold the room for her at the place she wanted? Otherwise it looks like mom will be living with you. Your worst nightmare. Did sister come to visit as promised?</p>
<p>You said she has $60K. If you dont move on that ALF soon, you may lose the spot and yes, you will have her living with you.</p>
<p>Better yet-- have them keep her 3 days in the hospital and then transfer her to rehab after her surgery.</p>
<p>No, you didn’t say 3 months advance, you said first and last, plus $500.
Wait! What is this?? “… she moves into my house while her house remains on the market.” :(</p>
<p>Dharma, all the posters on the other thread advised against this. You said this is a woman you are in fear of, you recounted being afraid she would hit you, her active complaints against your DH, her words to D2, the shrink’s info that she complains about you, her irrationality and now her treatment of the patient Polish Aide. </p>
<p>This is not a simple matter of saving her a few thousand. </p>
<p>No, they will not hold a room for more than 30 days. When my mother has the ready cash, she will go ANY PLACE we can find a room. There are many ALs in my region/county. We only looked at 5 star ALs, but the county Office of Assistance to the Aging will help me find a place for her to go WHILE she goes on several waiting lists for the places she prefers.Unless of course one of the 5 star places has an empty room! At present, the closest one (but not her favorite) has two rooms available. My mother understands and accepts this scenario. They may just be saying so, but each of the women whom we toured with (we went to four in all) said the turn-over is very rapid. Because,according to the realtor, a closing normally takes place 45-60 days after contracts are signed, obviously we can’t hold a room for 30 days.</p>
<p>I just want to insert a word here - can you believe that the mother who screamed at me that if I mentioned AL again she would “tie me up and send me there” is now contentedly looking through the colorful brochures and commenting on the amenities and menus?</p>
<p>My sister? She emails once a week and doesn’t even mention my mother. I don’t know why a month or so ago she proposed a visit. She never mentioned it again.</p>
<p>And yes, I recognize there is a chance my mother may end up in my house if we absolutely cannot find a room in a decent AL. Indeed, my worst nightmare. </p>
<p>She had 60K before we hired the caregiver. As I wrote, she is depleting her assets (obviously, we did not take out the reverse mortgage; besides you can’t have a house on the market and a reverse mortgage at the same time). At the end of January, as I wrote, she will have a cushion of savings left and her social security and that’s all. But once she sells the house, she will have enough to live in AL for four years. She is very frail at age 88. In four years, if not before, she will be ready for a nursing home and Medicaid, like my MIL. </p>
<p>Dharmawheel, that’s a terrible idea. Once she’s in your house, it will be exceedingly difficult to get her out. And it will be awful for you and your family.</p>
<p>If she is that frail and 88 yrs old, thinking about what will happen in 4 years is sadly probably not necessary.</p>
<p>Again, you have a window of opportunity. If the hospital keeps her for 3 days she will qualify for rehab of what-- 100 days maybe at most? That is a smart plan. I would focus on that as an IMMEDIATE plan and then get her placed in ALF right from rehab. Hopefully by then the house will be close to sold.</p>
<p>She’s got $60K. What is the problem with putting down $15K to get her in the assisted living facility?</p>
<p>Regarding the idea of paying caregivers under the table: In taking care of Mom, remember to take care of yourself as well. This surely includes not doing things that could expose you to criminal charges. Who cares what the prosecutor acquaintance told you? He/she won’t be the one facing the charges.</p>