<p>She understands and accepts? Or “the place she prefers is $5,450 a month!” You alternately tell us she is frail, now has arrythmia and is getting a pacemaker…and that you want her funds to last some longer period. </p>
<p>You are not qualified to tend to her at home. Nor is this a relationship where this will be fruitful.<br>
NO! Get her into a professional situation. Don’t spin yourself further into suffering. k? She has made you feel guilty for decades. Unleash yourself enough to breathe. Not take on more of her needs, at your own personal expense.</p>
<p>CF, she doesn’t have 60K anymore because we pay the caregiver $200 a day and there have been costs related to hiring her. I do a financial worksheet of her assets every week. Right now, if she puts down $15K, she will only have enough left to pay for two months of AL.</p>
<p>jym626, your comment gives me a lot to think about. If I arrange to send her to rehab, I would let the caregiver go. But then with the house possibly unsold and a closing to wait for, she would have to come to my house until the house sells. </p>
<p>We have covered this kind of ground before, but she will probably DEMAND to go home and NOT to rehab. I just got a voicemail from her in a very irritable voice to call her at the hospital. First have to pick up DD3 at middle school.</p>
<p>Please LISTEN to what people are telling you. Even if it costs a bit more, do what you need to do to have her go DIRECTLY from hospital—> Rehab ----> ALF. DO NOT bring her to your home. Not for ONE DAY. This isnt about the money. If it is money you are concerned about, move the house sale along-- make this deal work. If youve had the offer for several weeks move along- make a counter offer that addresses the inspection and sign the contract. Time is money. The sooner you sell, the better. </p>
<p>I’ll add my voice to the chorus. Do not let her come to your house, not even “temporarily.” Not under any circumstances. You think it was hard to get her out of her house? That’ll be nothing compared to getting her out of YOUR house. Don’t go there.</p>
<p>Get the house sold. If this buyer is dawdling, go on to the next buyer. </p>
<p>ETA – Did I miss something? Is she in the hospital? </p>
<p>Also, it might be a good idea to find out if the AL will put a lien on the house if it isn’t sold soon enough. Then when it is sold, the lien can be satisfied at closing. </p>
<p>I also recommend not bringing her home with you.</p>
<p>If the hospital will not keep her for 3 days (and they may not) it may be best if she could go into the AL directly from there. It would be too bad to lose the place at the AL you prefer, due to delay.</p>
<p>Forgive me while I question the math:
She had $60k, the ALF is about $5k, if she puts $15k down, she only has enough for 2 months? That is $10-11k, so $25-26k.
Where did the other $35k go? It cannot have been that long with a caregiver, can it? Has she blown through $35k for the Polish caregiver? $35k would pay for 7 months of ALF!</p>
<p>And allow me to make it unanimous: DO NOT ALLOW HER IN YOUR HOME FOR EVEN ONE NIGHT, don’t do it to yourself or your family, Dharma</p>
<p>Yes, this buyer HAS made an offer. The two big deals to deal with are making sure the soil is clean around the tank and cleaning and inspecting the tank. Yes, we can take a lower price. But the realtor warned me (I think I wrote this before) contracts do fall through and do not put money down until ten days before the closing. But its also true she can go to AL and leave if she doesn’t have the money. </p>
<p>This morning my husband mailed an application to the bank for a home equity loan to secure assets for my mother to be paid back at the closing (there is no penalty charge for early repayment of the loan). </p>
<p>I have a lot to think about. Thanks for the feedback.</p>
<p>Of course deals fall through. And there will be stuff that happens all the way up to the closing table. But do what you have to do to get her directly to ALF and ot into your home. We cannot, CANNOT emphasize this enough.</p>
<p>Did I miss something? At first you were saying that the issue was with the septic tank in the front yard but the septic tank is in the back-- now are you saying that the issue is with the oil tank, which IS in the front yard? So why don’t you just agree to deal with the oil tank, perhaps finding some independent inspector/contractor that both sides trust, and get the deal done?</p>
<p>It sounds like the realtor really knows her stuff, and she knows that speed is of the essence. Of course it’s an anxiety-prone situation but try not to look for trouble. Whatever obstacles arise, just ask: how can we fix this ASAP? I can’t see that there’s any reason to consider moving your mother into your house. No, no, a thousand times no!</p>
<p>From what I am reading online, being sent home the next day is common for pacemaker procedures. But in the elderly over 75, risks of problems are higher. </p>
<p>She does not *have to * wait til 10 days before the house closes, to go to AL. </p>
<p>The diff between 5 star and 4 star depends on details. In my own research, the catch was usually small admin details that got resolved quickly. (I can see these records in my state, from state inspectors, which can be more important than quirky user feedback.) If your goal is appropriate care, 4 stars can be fine. If your goal is to completely satisfy her, I don’t think that’s possible. </p>
<p>CF, sorry in my haste I said “tank” twice but I will clarify. The oil tank is buried in the back. The soil will be tested. If the soil is clean, our realtor has told the other realtor that we will not remove the tank.We are paying to have the soil inspected. The septic SYSTEM is under the front lawn. The bidder is paying to have the system cleaned out and inspected. The realtor feels it is a good sign that the bidder wants to take these important steps.</p>
<p>Was able to quickly get both the MD and case manager on the phone on the hospital. Both said they will NOT send my mother to rehab as installing a pacemaker is quite a simple procedure (?) with rapid recovery. She will be sent home Thursday.</p>
<p>I just cut her off on the phone because she said that when she gets home she wants to talk to me about the caregiver. She doesn’t like her and I know she will want to get me to replace her. I will refuse to discuss it and will walk out the door. The caregiver is as good as can possibly be. My mother is truly an awful person. If the bidder (after the two tests are performed) will not raise his bid, I will urge her to accept the low bid and go to the first empty AL room we can find. </p>
<p>Oh what a surprise. Glad that you’re going to urge your mother to take the bid and move to the AL. Repeat after me: your mother living in your house is not an option. It is not possible. </p>
<p>When my mother was moving into her IL apartment at the CCRC where she lives, one option we were told for incoming residents who had not yet sold their homes (and who didn’t have the money up front for the hefty entrance fee) was that the CCRC could lend them the money for 6 months interest-free, pending the home sale. After 6 months they would be charged a certain per cent interest per month. </p>
<p>I wonder if your preferred AL does anything like that? If so, it might be preferable to getting a home equity loan (no closing costs) and could mean she could enter the AL before the closing (or 10 days before closing). </p>
<p>Dharma, it sounds positive that the prospective buyer is paying for the septic inspection. I would seriously consider moving your mom directly from the hospital to the AL. $200/day for a caregiver that cannot drive and shop and one that you have to pay unemployment insurance and taxes is waaaay too much money. It is the perfect opportunity to move your mom now into AL. Use the home equity money for future AL payments if the home does not close before Jan. </p>
<p>It sometimes helps to look at bottom lines in a different way. Even using a purposely lowball net profit of 200k, that’s more than 40 months in AL. --> The fast math: Say 5.5k/mo for AL (minus, say, 1250 from SS, after an allowance,) it stretches that long. I’m not even including the remainder of the 60k. Stop the aide asap (maybe that’s in Oct,) and that drain is eliminated. There will still be taxes and maintenance until it closes, but the major step of moving her is done. </p>
<p>It’s keeping her in her house with an aide that drains the 60k. And drains you, Dharma, while you run around for her and wait for the house to sell. Sometimes, we have to look at the concept of “dharma,” vis a vis the cosmic order. We do the best we can.</p>
<p>The house can sell. The home equity app was a good step. But get her moved.</p>
<p>LF is exactly right; those aides are costing you an arm and a leg. Since Mom has decided she doesn’t like the aide all of a sudden, perhaps this is the perfect time to get her moved to AL.</p>
<p>You don’t have to wait until the house sells to move her. </p>