<p>It’ll be great that the estate sale people will stage the house for you.</p>
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<p>Wait wait wait, how can that be? Where did all the money go?</p>
<p>I just thought to add, if anyone would like to know about my experiences with remarkable priest from 20-25 years, ago, PM me, and I can tell you a very interesting story. CF I just saw there is a post from you. I will read it now, then do the dinner dishes…and go to bed!</p>
<p>CF, I may be unsure - until I do calculations when her house sells at $225,000 or less, I will know how much she has left. . First of all, she owes over $4,000 to the oil company for taking out the buried tank and installing a new one in the basement… She may owe between $15-30,000 to the septic company, that is how damaged the system currently is. I should have a clear estimate on Thursday from the man who directs the septic system.I expect them to give me a reasonable estimate; In other words, I do not expect them to cheat me. She will owe the realtor’s fee. From what I have learned from current real-estate contracts, she may owe part of the losing costs. This seems an abomination to me. She may even in fact owe something on the buyer’s realtor’s behalf, which is shocking to me. She will owe her children money if we pay her monthly $6,499 monthly rent before the closing. She will have to pay closing costs and the fee for her lawyer who charges $300 an hour. There are title costs and other costs, as jym626 pointed out. We have to wait and see. Does this help answer your question?</p>
<p>Will be saying prayers for a great sale very quickly. I really thought your mom’s home would sell way before my parents’ home - you are in a lot hotter market. We did come down a lot in price but also brother had good negotiation in the end. If it would have been across the street (‘on’ the golf course, no current properties available) it would have easily sold at full price and then some ($100,000 more). </p>
<p>I think a sharp buyer will know the home is a good price - so hopefully you will have more than one interested and a ‘bidding war’.</p>
<p>Was the initial buyer toying with you? Didn’t have the money? Did you ever get the ‘411’?</p>
<p>Roughly, it’s sales price minus 10% for commission and fees. Decent starting point for rough calculations. Then minus debts.</p>
<p>As I said before, your agent should be able to show you the projected net, at least more or less, at 225 or 185. But with these sales prices, roughly ten percent is a working start. </p>
<p>Dharma, I’m glad you have a counselling appointment. May I offer some advice? Don’t run away when it gets uncomfortable. It’s in the discomfort that positive change comes. It’s well, well, well worth it.</p>
<p>Most certainly, the initial buyer was toying with us, and I have no idea on what basis the realtor sent me two very reassuring emails about the sale( I quoted them in earlier posts), even rejecting my request–based on CC input–that we lower the price. She had unfounded faith in the buyer. As I related before, when i went into her office to sign to reduce the cost of the house to $225,000 on 10/25, she told me “30 percent of verbal agreements fall through.” I am confounded that this professional, experienced realtor did not pursue a signed contract, and gave me written assurances, based only on a verbal agreement, while at the same time knowing that 30 percent of verbal agreements fall through. She did not show the house once during September and October.</p>
<p>When my six month contract with her comes to a close (unless the house is sold by then, please God), I will request a meeting with the head of her business, lay out what happened–essentially complain–and ask for his/her best realtor to step in and represent the house.</p>
<p>PS what is a “411”?</p>
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<p>Information.</p>
<p>Assuming $18.5K for closing costs, $20K for septic, $4K for oil tank, that leaves $142.5K. With her social security, that should be a solid 20 months, shouldn’t it?</p>
<p>Good thing you didn’t get a reverse mortgage!</p>
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<p>Thank you, LF. That is very helpful. Of course, it is the unknown cost of repairing the septic which will affect her assets. Luckily I will know much on Thursday.</p>
<p>LasMa, thank you for your encouraging note. I will be seeing the head of the Parish. He has been practicing for at least 30 years. I can’t explain why, but I I think I need the comfort of a priest, and a priest to listen. After my son died, I sat in a pew in the church by myself, crying. The senior priest came in and sat down next to me, wiped the tears off my face, and said, “These are the tears of Mary,” and he held me in a long embrace. On another occasion in the church, two late middle age women of the parish literally lifted me off the floor and comforted and consoled me for an hour. I know this all may sound odd, but it greatly --with the help of many others, spiritual and secular–helped me heal. Sorry to go OT. </p>
<p>Losing a child is such heavy grief. I am glad you received some comfort (in a truly inconsolable situation).</p>
<p>I guess you never saw the Lindsay Lohan version of Parent Trap (movie); one use to dial ‘411’ in many places for information. In that movie, she is on the swing with the dad’s girlfriend…</p>
<p>I am flabber-ghasted that your realtor would do so little in the situation you describe.</p>
<p>Go to bed DW - we can talk more in the days to come…</p>
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<p>CF and LF, thank you for your quick thinking and useful, reassuring information. I am in awe of people with such quick brains as yours.</p>
<p>The dishes still aren’t done and I HATE to wake up to a sink full of dishes. My husband uses every pot and pan to cook his elaborate meals; I would prefer things more simple, but it gives him a great deal of pleasure. to cook…my job is the dishes, a lot of work. </p>
<p>Good night, sweet SOSConcern.</p>
<p>You must be exhausted after such a demanding week. Rest up, maybe the upcoming week will bring a buyer.</p>
<p>Why would a potential buyer “toy” with you? He spent money having have septic tested. He was interested. But he kept his options open by not finalizing the contract and may have been frightened off by the septic repair looming. So he liked the property enough to keep the lines of communication open while simultaneously looking at other properties, and probably ultimately found another one that was acceptable and probably didnt have a huge repair to deal with. Makes sense. Just not the outcome you wanted.</p>
<p>As for the realtor, if you are going to change agents, leave that agency and find another. Switching agents within the same office , who probably uses the same broker, makes no sense.</p>
<p>And please, please, it is difficult to read the relevant issues separate from the side tangents about dd’s boyfriend’s kisses, etc. Its easier for posters to help you if the posts are short, focused and on topic. Perhaps keeping a personal diary or writing a blog might be helpful to process the other issues for you.</p>
<p>And PLEASE do NOT use the word “■■■■■■■■”. Its insensitive and offensive.</p>
<p>I agree there are other explanations than that the former bidder was toying. This process was protracted for him, too. His idea of a $7700 deposit was 3.5%, which suggests he had an FHA loan in the works. He gave up on this deal, that’s the bottom line. Calling him this or that gets no one anywhere. It’s like being mad at someone who didn’t respond to an email within one’s time expectations. Or someone who didn’t fully explain something hindsight says they could have. Occasional venting is one thing, but cycling back repeatedly or holding anger can waste energy needed for other things. In any transaction, both sides have responsibilities. Just saying.</p>
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<p>It’s entirely normal for sellers to bear a part of the closing costs, such as the title search/insurance and recording fees. The sale is a transaction involving 2 parties, both benefit, so costs are shared. The buyer’s fees are greater if there is a loan. </p>
<p>As to the buyer’s agent, he/she will get their cut out of the total commission.</p>
<p>Mom is in AL. Kudos to you. Expect the adjustment period for Mom to be 2 months or longer. The repairs and estate sale are moving along. More kudos. You have accomplished a great deal. Sell Mom’s house and you will have a huge weight off of your shoulders.</p>
<p>Dharma, I think that your annoyance with the first potential buyer is misdirected. Your ire should be directed to your realtor. She is not serving you well. The buyer had some skin in the game, but your realtor: didn’t push for a contract, didn’t continue showing the house, and didn’t make any suggestions to lower price, etc. to keep the house moving.</p>
<p>If it were me, I would have your realtor on a very, very short leash and already be searching for a different realtor. There must be a way to get out of the contract and not have to stay with her for 6 months. I would pursue another realtor before dropping the price to 185 with the current realtor.</p>
<p>Almost 7 pm, arrived at the AL at 9 am only to have the MD cancel the appointment at 9:05 pm. I ase=ked the receeptionist to ask the head nurse if she wanted me to take my mother then and there to the urgent care office at the medical group, or reschedule with the MD. To the receptionst she replied she was “too busy to decide” but t ask the Director of Aides. </p>
<p>Because my meeting with several directors tomorrow at 3, I was very distressed. I don’t cry out of the blue but only when a synpatheti person is present. When she enterered into the private room, cried but as always quicly got down to business. She said to reshedule the vist; not to go to urgent care. Visting nurses are coming three times a week to treat my mother’s leg wound. Her personality was boyant and posiitive. She told me most residents need a ;period of adjusment,and in mother’s case, she has been kindly but strictly told what her limitations are, where she can put herself easily in danger, and that she must adhere to the rules. She said it took many weeks even for this to sink in. </p>
<p>But because it was so raw,I withheld information yesterday, Sunday, that my motheri ignored the rule that she must pull the chord to summon an aide to the toilet., fell at the toilet ,and the aid had to call 911 for EMT. My mother insisted that she be sent tp the Emergency Room at the Hospaital; . She was quickly discharsed to the Plaza; no inquries; almost zero inquries to the leg wound.</p>
<p>This morning ,after my pep talk wit the Drirector of Aides, she enccouiaged me to see my my mother ( np where ready to leave at 9:30 as I had asked/said that was vital fpr her to ready to leave at 9::30) am the toilet, THANK GOD there was an aide to help her wit h toiletng and dresing). She screamed in distress for me to stay but I said I would wait outside until she was ready to go. She wheeled herself, many minutes after I had sight of he aide that helped her. My mother grabbed my arm with incredible force and said" You must get me out of here. The people who are here are mean and cruel and not kind ( not true). An aide stole $20 from my bureau; completely imaginatry)> I have not had a meal in three days i know rhey deal t leave is Saran Wrapped meals with napkins and utensils). Then, she said, you must take me into your house; I am your mother. You care abput momey than you do your own mother.Y must get me put here into your house.:</p>
<p>MY SW frend told me it bad for her to see me, especiall y based perior depemdence on me and me alone. She advied me to top seeing my mother, tp give her time to form relationzhips and pther persopnell. </p>
<p>What should I do? Today’s visit was disasterous. Last night she told me she took a plane tp see her MD/ </p>
<p>Tpday after the Take me home pleas, I settled into her in the Great Rpm with other elders waiting for lunch while she SCEAMED my name and until the double doors closed.</p>
<p>Tomorrow a 3 p,m I have an appt at 3 with The Director and her management team to assess my mother’s future at AAL.</p>
<p>{quote] And please, please, it is difficult to read the relevant issues separate from the side tangents about dd’s boyfriend’s kisses, etc. Its easier for posters to help you if the posts are short, focused and on topic. Perhaps keeping a personal diary or writing a blog might be helpful to process the other issues for you.</p>
<p>And PLEASE do NOT use the word “■■■■■■■■”. Its insensitive and offensive (/quote}</p>
<p>jym626, for many years during the 70s and 80s I volunteered ons week as a musician/guitaris/ singalong group didabled. For free/ I fpollowed in :Pete Segger footsteps ( with Pete himself I had two long and deep discussions after concert events.) Believe me, I have profound respect for the developmentally disabled. I have a photalbum full of my my friends of the group home–I would name the thriving home but I believe it is against the Terms of agreement. beieve me, in the 70s,the word ■■■■■■■■ was used with no disparagement at all. It wa freely used, ampng staff and MDs and aides, with no negaive connoationsk which I do recoghize exist today. But remember, I designed along for the resident, played the guitark and received warm embaces.</p>
<p>When I was a Jr in college I designed a poetry worksop for the residensk for free, and arranged a publcaton pf their work they favored immitations of e cummings and Ezra Pound. It was a profound sucess, all the parents and famiy members came t the reading. So think twice before you judge me, and have time let me, in a few short words, relieve my anxiety and mention my 16 yr old’s daughtef’x kiss.</p>
<p>tt iz late, ans tp whomever I did not respond to today, I will, tomorroa,</p>
<p>DW xxx</p>
<p>I do not know how to respond to that. Regardless of past history and other off topic information, the term “■■■■■■■■” has not been used in quite some time, and is considered inappropriate. Apologies, but really, it does not matter why/when it was used in past decades. Please don’t use it now. Ever again.</p>
<p>Your mom’s behavior with the “get me outta here” is probably one of the many reasons they do not recommend the move-in occur in 2 days. JMO. Its overwhelming, confusing and disorganizing to older adults. </p>
<p>Strong suggestion: Do not overwhelm the staff with questions, emails, calls, meetings or whatever. The decision about your mom’s adjustment to the facility and their ability to manage her high maintenance behavior may include their deciding on their limits and their ability to work with the entire system. Agree with your friend- do not visit your mom and consider cancelling/postponing any meetings with the Director and team. LAY LOW. You do NOT want them to boot her out, and it sounds precariously like what may be in their thoughts.</p>