<p>Loved this piece about Michael Sam by Frank Bruni in the New York Times. Try as I might I cannot understand the thinking of straight (?) men who are afraid of being in a locker room with an openly gay player. These are people who get tackled for a living. Can they really not fend off whatever advances they fear might occur because of one person who just can’t resist their “charms”? If the Missouri football team could handle it, why not the big bad players of the NFL?</p>
<p>But I’m sure mr. Villma is okay with coed dorms. How about women reporters in the locker room. It’s all perspective. The entire mu campus supports Sam and he and his coach had a heart to heart talk about his coming out back in August. The entire team knew. No separate showers or anything. And the team did well this year. </p>
<p>I think all of these players would be surprised if they knew how many of their teammates are gay. My S dated a top college football player (Big 12 conference). He was closeted at the time and took great pains to hide it from his teammates. It was very sad. Hope things change soon.</p>
<p>I think that many of us feel “safe” from being thought of in a sexual way when we are with the same sex. Whether we are or not, is not the issue as much as the feeling of being safe. When I personally sit close and maybe snuggle an old female friend, the is no feeling on my part that it’s an “advance”. I watch out for these things with the opposite sex, if for no other reason, then not wanting any misunderstanding. </p>
<p>Once you know someone is gay, that bit of relaxation is gone. There is that sexual tension that is back in the picture. It might have been an illusion all along that it was gone, but now you know. Those football players are not afraid of advances or sexual assault from gay teammates, but they don’t want the distraction of sexual interest in them in the locker room. They don’t want that issue to be there. It always has been there, but the taboo was so strong, it was kept out of the picture. Now it’s out in the open. </p>
<p>In the future, that illusion is rapidly being destroyed. It never was a real thing anyways, so we are now dealing more with the reality, and that illusion lead to feelings of false security that led to some terrible abuses, so ti’s not as though it’s a bad thing that we are being realistic. </p>
<p>I guess I don’t understand the mindset that people are constantly checking each other out in a sexual manner, especially in situations involving little or no clothing. By that logic none of us should feel “safe” at the pool or the beach or the gym. There is also the assumption that people can’t control their impulses, whatever those may be.</p>
<p>I also agree with megp about the likelihood of people being closeted. It’s sad that that still happens, even in the progressive town where I live. It will be a good day when everyone can feel comfortable being who they are without fear of scorn or discrimination.</p>
<p>Said very well Sally305. Some of the things cptofthehouse mentioned would NEVER cross my mind in everyday situations. I will NEVER understand why someones sexuality - be it same or opposite sex or just plain sexual habits - are of my concern if I am not their partner. Sexuality only defines someone in terms of their private sexual habits. Overall, Does not affect their daily living, work, relationships. </p>
<p>Great to see all the support for Sam. But sometimes wonder why we even have to have an “event” for announcement. That might be reserved for close family and friends, but someone sad to me that an announcement is necessary. </p>
<p>I think it was smart strategically for him to make the announcement when he did. There would have been speculation anyway–given that he had already come out to his Mizzou teammates. This puts the burden on the NFL teams to justify passing him up (if they do) for legitimate reasons. He is a great player and otherwise would have had no trouble getting drafted.</p>
<p>Now we all know that if they pass him up it is because he is gay given how talented he clearly is - Defensive Player of the Year for the SEC? Duhhh.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s a perception which is completely wrong, but it seems straight men have so much more discomfort with homosexuality than straight women do. I’ve had friends even back in high school who I suspected were lesbians (they were) who were close members of our little girl pack. I had no worries whatsoever about them making advances on me (I figured if I perceived they were lesbians, then they just as clearly perceived I liked boys). I had gay male friends, too, and it just wasn’t something I had to work through.</p>
<p>I mean, how often does it really happen that a gay male is going to make advances on a teammate who is straight and shows no interest in him? People pretty much know when there is a spark there. I think it doesn’t happen; it’s a figment of an uncomfortable straight male’s imagination.</p>
<p>Yes, some folks of us wonder whether this is really an “event!” Clearly it is but is it as monumental as the press will make it out to be? Maybe, maybe not. If he makes the team, that’s when the circus will come to town, so to speak. As a lucid sports reporter said this morning, there’s going to be nitwits among the media whom will camp out in the team’s locker room, trying to provoke a negative or awkward comment from just one of his 44 teammates, and BOOM…new headline and new controversy.</p>
<p>Also, I agree that the situation at Mizzou this past season may not have been as rosy as is being depicted. He came out in August to the football team. My guess is there was significant pressure on his teammates, and a gag order on the coaching staff, to keep their opinions etc. to themselves (that was the case with superstar Britney Greiner of the Baylor U women’s basketball team). There are nearly 100 guys on a college football squad. Do you believe that every one of them was fully supportive of Sam’s declaration back in August? And winning covers up most squabbles and fissures. Mizzou was on a path to the national championship this season, so I doubt that many were eager to rock the boat. All that being said, I think the point for gay Americans is, they have the right to live and work in peace, without fear of being denied a job or other opportunity. My guess is that most gays care not one wit if a co-worker, pundit or stranger dislikes them. What they care about the fair and just application of the law and the preservation of their right to opportunity and freedom from persecution.</p>
<p>NFL rosters are a mix of intelligent people and meatheads. Vilma is something else, an intelligent meathead stupid enough to get suspended for the bounty scandal, meaning he’s a loudmouth. That said, he’s tried to explain he didn’t mean he would have issues but that he chose a bad way to say what he meant. The NO paper (Times-Picayune) has more:</p>
<p>"You have people that can be more outgoing, more open-minded. You have people that are a little more closed-minded. Some people grew up with or without the acceptance of gays within their families. You have a lot of different elements within the locker room that you just don’t see right now. Me being on the inside for 10 years, inside the locker room, I’ve been around that.</p>
<p>"And it’s not to say that the locker rooms are bad, it’s to say that there are going to be people that accept it willingly as soon as he comes in, welcome him with open arms, and then unfortunately, there will be some, I’m about 99 percent sure the minority, will say, well, they’re not comfortable with that yet.</p>
<p>“They don’t know how to respond to that. That’s just what’s going to happen in the first whatever, the first year, two years. When you have more players like Michael Sam coming out and saying that they’re gay, the transition will be a lot smoother.”</p>
This is probably based on an assumption that gay men are similar to straight men in this respect.</p>
<p>Seriously, I think once this barrier is broken, it will rapidly become no big deal. It is part of a cultural shift that seems to me to be irreversible at this point.</p>
<p>Men deal with working with gay men in every profession every single day. It’s time that these football professionals grow up and act like the adults that they are. It’s funny how they welcome players who have committed just about every type of criminal activity, but they are incapable of dealing with a gay teammate. </p>
<p>And Hunt, if your conclusion is correct about the assumptions homophobic straight men make because they actually ARE thinking of women in a sexual context all the time, a lot of us should be worried–and not surprised that we are still not treated as equals in every environment.</p>
<p>Is it really news to you that men–at least, many men–think about women in a sexual context much (if not all) of the time? I’m distinguishing here between how things actually are, and how one might prefer them to be. But even if they think that way, men have to learn how to behave properly with women (and with men) anyway.</p>
<p>I certainly think many women do the same. Check out the Beckham posts in the super bowl commercial thread. But not just from that, hearing women talk and observing them observing men, many women do the same though probably not as frequently as men.</p>
<p>But from my standpoint, if someone is checking me out, not that anyone would anymore at my age, that I’m not interested in, i.e. male, I wouldn’t have an issue with it.</p>
<p>"But from my standpoint, if someone is checking me out, not that anyone would anymore at my age, that I’m not interested in, i.e. male, I wouldn’t have an issue with it. "</p>
<p>I would. I know I can’t control it if men check me out (I am female), but I certainly don’t like it and don’t find it to be respectful.</p>
<p>There probably is some truth to this, since some opposition to homosexuality is specific to male homosexuality. An ancient example is the prohibition on male homosexuality in the book of Leviticus. Modern examples include Sierra Leone, Seychelles, Lesotho, Lesotho, Zimbabwe, Belize, Grenada, Jamaica, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Lucia, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kuwait, Gaza, Singapore, Kiribati, Palau, Cook Islands, Tonga, and Tuvalu, where same sex sexual activity is illegal for males but legal for females, according to <a href=“LGBT rights by country or territory - Wikipedia”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_by_country_or_territory</a> (there are no examples where it is legal for males but not females).</p>