I hope I can articulate this well. Someone described a school on here as a “nice person school” and that is exactly the vibe my child has in mind. Of course there are nice kids at all schools, but I think to her it means a friendly, collaborative environment, not a place dominated by the Greek system, darties and drinking culture, attend sporting events even if not good, support each other by attending shows. Ideally all 4 years on campus and the kids want to be there so not viewed as a negative, 2,000-6,000 or so range. East coast preferred. What comes to mind?
We moved so weren’t able to tour as many as hoped that were further from where we lived. Any of these check boxes…Denison, Dickinson, Lafayette, Lehigh, Holy Cross? Anything else in this selectivity range come to mind?
My D had a wonderful experience at Lafayette. My son had a wonderful experience at Fordham. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions a parent can answer about either of these schools.
I’ll add Brandeis, Muhlenberg, Conn College… I know a dozen kids who are attending these colleges, and all of them would be described as “the nicest kid you’ll ever meet”.
So my two cents is what “nice” means in the Northeast (and maybe parts of California, but you didn’t ask about California) is not always the same as what nice means in some other parts of the country. I don’t mean to suggest the Northeast is awful, and of course many nice individuals go to these colleges, and generally lots of kids have had good experiences at colleges in the Northeast. But I tend to think there can be some regional culture clash sometimes, and that maybe maximizing the niceness in the most pervasive way is a little harder in that region.
So if this was a real priority for me, I would maybe be considering, possibly visiting, approximate format/academic peers in other regions, like the Upper Midwest/Great Lakes or Pacific Northwest. And of course you could apply in multiple regions and make a final decision in the post-offer period.
I wouldn’t include Lehigh in the nice person group (IMO a large proportion of students there are wound tight, greek life abounds, the definition of a work hard play hard school.) Probably not Denison either.
I second U Delaware and Elon. East coast-ish: Adding Bowdoin, Hamilton, U Mass Amherst, U Dayton. FWIW I’m a midwesterner.
Totally agree with your sentiments on geography and culture norms. Sidenote, been a hot topic here in London as I told spouse to stop saying “hi” on walks as it’s not the way here, being kind is leaving them be.
She’s very happy with a couple near home, but still feel like I should just confirm we’re not missing anything worth looking at. I think it’s all felt too easy after last year and having 15 less schools to apply to is jarring.
Family in Midwest and love it there, definitely think could be some matches, our only hiccup is trying to keep a doable drive distance due to health issues. Hope it won’t ever be needed, but I’ll sleep easier knowing I can hop in a car over 2 flights, etc.
1000% agree. If you are not from the Northeast then the Northeast is hard to define as “nice.” If you are from the NE then the NE schools listed above are all great.
My husband and I lived for many years in NYC, but our kids have lived their whole lives in the PNW. We moved to Boston for a year when they were 13 and 15 and the culture shock was very difficult for them.
Huh? I’ve lived in the Northeast and Midwest (and spent time for work all over the country) and I can assure you that there are folks in Vermont, Rhode Island, CT, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, etc. who could give folks in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, etc. a run for their money in the “nice” category.
I’m not even sure what you are talking about here, but since Northeasterners are often very good at taking care of other people while simultaneously minding their own business-- perhaps you have confused decorum for cruelty?
I know what you mean and don’t think anyone is really disagreeing. It’s the whole kind of nicety nice versus leaving alone as being nice but really showing up for you as a friend. Good people all over.
So as I mentioned before, I agree many nice individuals go to colleges in the Northeast.
I’d also agree it is important to be aware that external behavior and internal emotional and cognitive states very much do not have a fixed relationship, and can be strongly influenced by culture. So, just because someone behaves nicely does not necessarily mean they are an empathetic and caring person inside, and similarly just because someone behaves gruffly does not mean they are not an empathetic and caring person inside, and sometimes that will just be a difference in cultural norms.
So what I was suggesting was framed not as a value judgment, but as a culture shock issue.
And even so, you may believe there is in fact no difference in cultural norms at all. But I do, and I think it can make a difference to some kids.
So one variation on my suggestion would be to just see how far west you can comfortably get. Like I think the farther you get west into New York or PA, the more the norms shift, to the point like Rochester or Erie really seems more Great Lakes culture to me than Northeast Coast. Of course it depends on what is a comfortable drive for you, and maybe those are too far, but it is not like there is some hard border.
South is also an option, but then Southern Niceness is also maybe different from Great Lakes Niceness too. With all the usual caveats of course about individuals being all through the ranges and external behavior and internal states not having consistent mapping. Still, like, William & Mary struck me as a pretty nice school.
