Even those of us who have been the beneficiaries of these comments can find them extremely irritating. It’s a topic of discussion on my breast cancer forum. When I was going through chemo I was pretty upbeat but I hated it when people praised me for it. All I could think was, “If I have a bad day and need to unload will my complaints be seen as evidence of moral or psychological weakness?” The worst was when people would ascribe my relatively good outcome to a good attitude. “So if I die it’s because I was a [b-word]?”
No one needs the pressure to be a Pollyanna, whether they’re facing personal tragedy or serious illness.
The articles you’re referring to are human interest stories. Their purpose, by definition, is to motivate the readers. People who don’t enjoy those types of stories probably shouldn’t read them.
Obits are generally written by family members. They’re free to write whatever they choose, and if that’s how they want to remember their relative then they should be able to do so without having to worry about criticism from the readership. I don’t think the authors are writing them with the intention of modeling appropriate behavior for others. Many, if not most, obits are written in times of great emotional stress, on a deadline, and with a firm cap on the number of words. They’re difficult to write under the best of circumstances. I wouldn’t take anything they said personally.
I don’t see this as a false narrative, but instead as an incomplete one. It reminds me of the kid (and parents) who are shouting to the skies about how great the college is that the kid is going off to in the fall before the kid has taken a class yet. Or an article I read last week from a political figure touting his great child rearing skills because he didn’t treat his kids like snowflakes – but his oldest is maybe 14 years old. You don’t know how any of it is going to turn out.
Check back in 10 or 20 years, and it will be a lot clearer whether keeping his head down and plugging along now was the best thing for him (and his brother). I feel sorry for him, but don’t see him as inspirational or heroic. He’s continuing on his former trajectory. It may or may not last, and he may be glad or sorry that he dove right back in. Only time will tell.