<p>can you imagine how petty people would be if we all got our knickers in a twist for getting a present? she was “offended” because someone didn’t do EXACTLY as she said?</p>
<p>I would no apologize, I would be expecting one if I sent a well meaning present and then got threatened with banishment</p>
<p>I just don’t get how the person can be offended…someone sent her a presnet…she can give it away for heavens sake if she is that upset by a gift</p>
<p>It reminds me of a “Curb Your Enthusiam” episode where Larry and Cheryl gave a wedding gift after the couple had been married a little over a year. The couple refused to accept it, stating that you just couldn’t break a rule like that. Everyone ended up shouting and getting angry - over a gift.</p>
<p>Person 1: Please don’t give me a present</p>
<p>Person 2: Here’s your present! Even though you didn’t want one, we’re giving one to you anyway. Isn’t this a funny joke! Hahahahaaaa!</p>
<p>Person 1: <em>feeling mocked and angry</em> But I asked you not to give me a present… why are you disregarding my request? (technically she set a boundary that was deliberately violated) </p>
<p>Person 2: Oh you can’t take a joke. You are too sensitive.</p>
<p>Sorry, I was interrupted. Post 43 didn’t pan out like that because Person 1 couldn’t explain her feelings and expressed them by giving out a tongue-lashing and a threat. The real Person 2 sounds like she had the capacity to have a heart-to-heart talk but didn’t have the opportunity, and also was hurt and confused. In #43 I’m inserting the sentiments of some of the posters who have responded to the thread, not what I believe to be the actual response of the OP.</p>
<p>I disagree with the notion that I should graciously thank people who give me something I specifically expressed that I did not want, even when it’s given for the best of reasons. It’s really difficult to strike the right note of acknowledging the gesture of the gift on one hand and acknowledging the boundary violation on the other… and to not do both leaves the giftee swallowing her feelings. In the scenario described by the OP, the hostess really flubbed it.</p>
<p>“Boundary violation.” Oh dear. It sounds like trespassing on someone else’s space, as opposed to giving a gift. I’ve received lots of gifts that I did not want, including after I told people I did not want gifts. Some of them got donated to charity and some of them are still in my basement. I’ve never told anyone they were engaged in boundary violation (aka not obeying <em>my</em> laws) or threatened anyone with banishment. Friendship is a two-way street. The OP misunderstood the seriousness of the request; but no one should lay down laws that friends must obey lest they be cast out of the sunlight.
And really, hormones or not, the recipient does not seem to have a sense of humor.</p>
<p>I don’t think it is any more appropriate to order someone not to give a gift than it is to order someone to give a gift. I think it is fine if someone expresses that a gift is not necessary or something along the lines of “the pleasure of your company is gift enough for me” or “please consider your company as the best gift you could give.” If someone still brings a gift, the only civil thing to do is to accept it graciously. Any other reaction is just crass.</p>
<p>Some of you make good points about the hostess being out of line in her extreme reaction, but do not forget the OP did state she was playing a joke on her friend and expected admonishment. So there was a bit of a ‘gotcha’ to this gift in addition to the good intentions. Maybe the hostess just wasn’t in the mood for ‘gotcha games’ that day. We all have our thin-skinned moments.</p>
<p>Again, chalk it up to a bad day, and work it out. It’s the holidays…be happy! :)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exactly. In fact it is not within the bounds of etiquette to even write “No Gifts” on an invitation, although many do. People can make such a request, of course. But a gift given should really always be received and acknowledged graciously. I’ll get out of the way of all those etiquette books flying at my head, now!</p>
<p>In my experience, when the host specifies “do not bring gifts”, she is usually doing it for the sake of the attendees. It is usually intented to save them from spending time and money searching for a gift when the host really just desires their “presence without presents”. </p>
<p>It does seem odd that the hostess would be so extremely offended at the gift that was sent “outside” of the dinner party. I agree with the others who said she should have accepted it with a laugh and a thank you, especially from a close friend. The only other possibility is that the hostess felt that she would now be expected to give a gift in return which she possibly had not planned on.</p>
<p>If your “friend” hadn’t made the remark about her SIL, I might send a note of explanation and extend the olive branch. However, under the circumstances, I’d probably drop the person, who does not sound like someone I’d want in my life. Toxic relatives are bad enough, but sometimes have to be tolerated. But a rude “friend” who threatens me? No way.</p>
<p>I wonder what the SIL did - baked her a cake perhaps, threw her a party?</p>