Nominations for best CC one-liners of all time

Parent Cafe
41

<p>I love Schmaltz too. Not a one-liner, but one of my favorite posts:</p>

<p>What is the Argument You and Your Spouse Keep Coming Back to?</p>

<p>Things that cause friction between me and the luckiest woman on earth:</p>

<p>When we go to the garden section at Home Depot and I obsess over the ivies.</p>

<p>When we shopped for a television, and I kept asking the salesman which brand had more layman’s prestige, Panasonic, Zenith, or Sony.</p>

<p>When I complain that the “master” bathroom shouldn’t be co-ed.</p>

<p>When I run a red light and ask her to chance me on not getting a traffic ticket.</p>

<p>When I asked total strangers whether it would be better to buy a Kia for $15,000 or a BMW for $50,000.</p>

<p>When I failed two STD tests, and blamed it on just being a bad test taker. I told her when they superscored them, the results were actually pretty good.</p>

<p>When I refer to our kids Henry, Yolanda, and Patricia as HYP.</p>

42

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/226904-ready-set-go.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/226904-ready-set-go.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>And I think this might have been the thread aptly entitled “Ready Set Go”…with the trip report to Rhodes…</p>

43

<p>Another one by curmudgeon: Moving Story posted on 8/23/2007</p>

<p>eastcoascrazy has already posted an excerpt from this in #40. I especially recommend post #16. Make popcorn first.</p>

44

<p>Stats21 is an infrequent but hilarious poster.</p>

45

<p>Curm likes to talk too much to be king of the one-liners! :wink: His stories do make me laugh, though.</p>

<p>Schmaltz can pack a lot into a few words. Since I live somewhere near Schmaltz, I often wonder if we have ever crossed paths … but I bet I would remember that!</p>

46

<p>Curmudgeon your response on that thread #397 though was pretty good too! <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-confidential-cafe/5579-what-happened-election-analysis-27.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-confidential-cafe/5579-what-happened-election-analysis-27.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

47

<p>If you “right click” on the post number and then hit copy shortcut, and then paste in the post, you’ll provide the link to the actual post that you’re referring to. :)</p>

<p>for example…for mathmom’s reference above.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/60981-post398.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/60981-post398.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

48

<p>I was going to say “clam fart”, but somebody already mentioned it.</p>

49

<p>Some recent winners from Schmaltz:</p>

<p>Shelby Steele on Ivy League Admissions
I just found the posts defining and lauding intellectual humility full of everything but. </p>

<p>I was watching the Kardashians’ reality show hoping to get some intellectual stimulation, but it turned out to be everything butt.</p>

<p>Why Can’t Computer Programmers Leave Well Enough at Home:
Or make your own…</p>

<p>Yeah, why would anybody use an off-the-shelf browser when it’s so easy to make your own? Slackers… </p>

<p>Same with clothes; you could go down to Target and buy a pair of Wranglers for $18…but it’s soooo much easier to plant a few cotton plants in your backyard, pick the cotton, comb it, dye it, weave it into denim, cut out the pieces, and sew them together. I also scoff at those who use store-bought zippers. I mean how hard is it to mine a little iron ore, rig up a mini blast furnace in your backyard, make a tiny amount of steel, pour it into little molds to make the teeth, and then attach them to a freakin’ strip of cotton?</p>

<p>Does Your Husband Yell at the TV during sporting Events?</p>

<p>Yeah many guys do this. Granted, it’s not as sane as when women cry during a fictional movie when a rich actress playing a mother loses her children or husband (also played by actors), but the guys often have a few bucks bet on the game.</p>

<p>Is it normal for male dogs er “private part” to sticks out frequently?</p>

<p>Since this is CC, I’m waiting for a heated discussion about whether public parts are as good as private parts.</p>

<p>What is a “Good Suit”
“Brioni-… $500-$700 per shirt” </p>

<p>Anybody else find a catch-22 here? The only way I’d pay $700 for a shirt is if it came with a written guarantee that Penelope Cruz was going to tear it off of me.</p>

<p>What’s Up with Women ironing blue-jeans and t-shirts?</p>

<p>Nowadays, jeans are too tight to iron.</p>

<p>I might be wrong, but I don’t think you’re supposed to iron them WHILE you are wearing them…</p>

50

<p>toledo–“let me Google that for you” means you’ve asked a question to which the answer can be found in seconds on the internet. </p>

<p>I love this thread!</p>

<p>I too remember Sluggbugg’s postings fondly.</p>

51

<p>I know what that poster was trying to say, but it really isn’t that easy. In fact I still haven’t found U S News & World Reports old rankings and I’ve googled quite a bit looking for them.</p>

52

<p>“You feel much more comfortable on your little throne of self-righteousness.”</p>

<p>I was on the receiving end of this one, and I still cherish it.</p>

53

<p>From Hunt:</p>

<p>“Yes there is something wrong with you. You have a personality disorder and should get therapy. Of course if you’re just a ■■■■■, there is also something wrong with you, but it’s just being a a jerk.”</p>

54

<p>“Little throne of self-righteousness” – love that!</p>

55

<p>“I’m seldom wrong in any language because I think before I say anything.”</p>

56

<p>From the thread about the controlling princess roomie…</p>

<p>*I hope that the RA sits on RM’s bed during the negotiation. LOL! *</p>

57

<p>Oh, I loved that meta-thread. It just ran at the perfect time for me. And my octoplet is thriving, thanks for asking. More than thriving.</p>

58

<p>'fouling the nest"</p>

59

<p>

I have actually googled this before (“Hi, my name is scansmom, and no, I am not good at remembering trivia. I am a closet googler.”). From the US News FAQs:

[Frequently</a> Asked Questions: College Rankings - US News and World Report](<a href=“http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/09/12/frequently-asked-questions-college-rankings-2012]Frequently”>http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2011/09/12/frequently-asked-questions-college-rankings-2012)</p>

60

<p>Toledo, are you looking for this: <a href=“http://web.archive.org/web/20070908142457/http://chronicle.com/stats/usnews/[/url]”>http://web.archive.org/web/20070908142457/http://chronicle.com/stats/usnews/&lt;/a&gt; I found it using a quick search here on CC.</p>