<p>Nice! That reminds me of a celebrated improvised exchange between old comedians (I can’t recall who they were) that was similar:</p>
<p>“One man’s Meade is another’s Persian”
“Are you shah”
“Sultanly”</p>
<p>Oh Bogney, your twist of the Obama colonoscopy thread still has me roaring. Another hysterical demonstration of posters’ quick wit. <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe-election-politics/912505-obama-set-poor-example-getting-virtual-colonoscopy.html?[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe-election-politics/912505-obama-set-poor-example-getting-virtual-colonoscopy.html?</a></p>
<p>Continuing your God / Planet theme, you cannot be “Sirius.” I’m over the moon, by Jupiter! Any more would probably be Heracy, but I won’t Appollogize.</p>
<p>Scatology probably needs its own separate category.</p>
<p>Bogney,
Mine Pales in comparison to yours. But we should watch our Bacchus. If we hijack the thread posters are gonna Hadus (Hades… ok that was a stretch…)</p>
<p>Are there too many Homers concerned about turf here, afraid of comedic odysseys? I certainly don’t want to be Hectored by angry readers who feel this has put them through Helen back. However, perhaps the beauty of the hijacked thread can launch a thousand quips!</p>
<p>Or not - I am vastly entertained by the one liners too. Keep them coming. Contrary to popular belief, I enjoy joking more than arguing.</p>
<p>To combine the colon and mythological theme - I think these puns are making me Ileus.</p>
<p>Watch out or I might break into limericks again…</p>
<p>I was making a Herculean effort to stop, but punning runs deep in my psyche. However, I would like it if people still looked deep in the CC Argives for more one liners. While my humor tends to go for baroque and is not so laconic, I appreciate the more spartan approach as well because it is my Achilles’ heel.</p>
<p>Yes, I am a groan man despite being so Juvenile.</p>
<p>This is a recent gem by Haystack on a thread about the decline of Syracuse that veered into spending priorities:</p>
<p>“I hate it too when my tax money goes to help someone else. I take the bus to work, if I see one more bit of new road construction work to benefit those car drivers, I’m going to take my complaint to President Bachman.”</p>
<p>Okay, I seem to have killed this thread for now. I am taking a break for some afternoon culture. Although it may seem like it now, you may myth me when I’m gone. </p>
<p>FYI: “Myth me” is how “chance me” translates from American to English.</p>
<p>My nomination (from the thread about communications with teenage boys):
</p>
<p>A few from “Stupidest reason child won’t look at a college” thread… hard to narrow it down, because so much on that thread is hilarious.</p>
<p>“My niece ruled out Princeton solely on the basis that she disliked the tour guide’s shoes.” momoschki</p>
<p>“Son refused to visit/consider a school that is named after a toothpaste.” lotsofquests</p>
<p>“D didn’t want to (but eventually did) apply to Middlebury because it smelled like cows the day we went…” franglish</p>
<p>D2 wants a California school, but does not like “Taco Bell” architecture like Stanford’s." riverrunner</p>
<p>continuing…</p>
<p>“My S refused to look at WashU because an older friend who goes there told him that the entire student body has bad music in their I-Pods.” neuroticparent</p>
<p>“Several schools… fell off D’s list because the Designer Purse Quotient was too high: too many girls with too many designer purses.” scout59</p>
<p>“M D attended the information session but would not go on the tour at an Ivy because an obnoxious boy in the front row was wearing a suit and, kiss of death, his mother was wearing a puffy hairband.” Puzzled88</p>
<p>“D hated Vassar because she got a bee sting on her foot while wearing flip-flops during a summer tour of the campus.” Mamalama</p>
<p>“S2 nixed Macalaster because of the way the library smelled.” lololu</p>
<p>“That stuff hanging in the trees everywhere (Spanish moss) is too creepy!” nydancemom</p>
<p>continued…</p>
<p>“My D wouldn’t apply to Michigan because the squirrels were too big.” deb922</p>
<p>"Reed, “it smells like trees” EngProfMom</p>
<p>“…he won’t apply because of the duck incident… a mother duck and her ducklings decided to cross the road…the car behind us… darted around us and nearly ran over the ducks…son refuses to apply because he thinks that everyone in New London are animal haters.” Novanglia</p>
<p>“Between the ducks, the supersized squirrels, and the smell of the cows, it’s just a wonder anybody goes to college anymore.” blossom </p>
<p>continued…</p>
<p>“How about purdue? It is excellent in engineering.”
“No! It is named after a chicken.” (Frank Perdue) ADad</p>
<p>“S2 has said he won’t consider UMichigan because he does not like the philosophy of their drum line. Now this might make sense if he actually wanted to play in the line, but he doesn’t.” idad</p>
<p>“DD’s refused to look at Puget Sound because their little bro…“misread” the school name as University of Pungent Squod which became University of Pungent Squid and that’s all she wrote…the death knell sounded.” historymom</p>
<p>“We passed by a metal junkyard on the way to the campus.” Mattmoosemom</p>
<p>“No Princeton because orange is an ugly color, and the font on the Princeton pennant in the counselor’s office looks pretentious.” samurkai</p>
<p>continued…</p>
<p>“Our son also could’ve been an athlete at Pepperdine and visited…“too many stairs” he said! This was coming from a current Division I athlete!??” mendy328</p>
<p>"Tufts: “sounds like a personal care product” " (I missed the original poster for this one)</p>
<p>“St Olaf is too weird a name. Also were concerned about the rampant Lutheranism of the students.” OldbatesieDoc</p>
<p>“MIT: tour guide had too many computers (5 actually)” OldbatesieDoc</p>
<p>“It turns out he thinks Tulane sounds too much like Too Lame.” MidwestMom2Kids_</p>
<p>"My daughter will not even consider Rutgers because… she hates New Jersey because we stayed in a hotel there for one night …(when she was 10) and the hotel was “nasty” " OhioMom2</p>
<p>“Also, she said she would never go to UPitt because it reminds her of armpit when she hears it!” OhioMom2</p>
<p>“My personal favorite is still the young neighbor who would not consider Notre Dame because, “I don’t like plaid.”” mafool</p>
<p>“Purdue, Notre Dame, Indiana - I think the whole state is just one big bad idea.” Manhattan75</p>
<p>“Any School in Florida - I think most STD’s originated somewhere in that state.” Manhattan75</p>
<p>“I have one who put his nose up to Tufts because he felt they were too anal when they had his visit and tour and everything so well organized.” cptofthehouse</p>
<p>“My D refused to consider Whitman because it has a green door on one of the freshmen dorms.” K5tog1</p>
<p>“Oh, and my D also refused to apply to Hampshire because she saw haystacks on the way.” mythmom</p>
<p>"Relative refuses to consider Hood College because “I am not from the hood”. ADad</p>
<p>and finally, to sum it all up:</p>
<p>“Don’t put your college in a square state, or NJ. Don’t put it out in the sticks. Or in an urban area. Don’t make all the buildings look alike. Don’t make all the buildings look different - there should be a theme. But it shouldn’t be Georgian or modern or gothic or Mission Style (aka Taco Bell). don’t have too much parking in the middle of campus. Don’t make it so there’s nowhere to park. Be sure your tour guides aren’t too preppy or goth or sloppy or fashionable or dumb or snotty or boring or overly-enthusiastic. Make sure they share their own experiences and feelings but don’t let them talk about themselves. Be sure your football team is great - but be sure NOT to have a football team. Don’t put your campus on a hill, but make sure it is hilly. Make sure there are no Southern accents, but the weather is warm and sunny year round, except for the lovely fall and change of seasons and a little bit of pretty snow - but it can’t be cold when it snows. It can’t have tornadoes or hurricanes or earthquakes. Make sure your info session and tour guides talk about classes and majors, as long as its the major the tour - ee is interested in. Don’t be TOO welcoming or too organized - you’ll look like you’re trying to hard. Don’t be disorganized. If you have Greek life, make sure no one sees it - unless they’re looking for it, in which case make sure there are plenty of kids with Greek letters walking around. And for heaven’s sake, make sure you have a normal mascot but not a boring one, and make sure your school colors look good on everyone and match everyone’s outfits!” (with assistance from Cottonwood, who started the idea) Lafalum84</p>
<p>“All that naked matriculation can’t be productive.”</p>
<p>-Bovertine</p>
<p>Sinner’s Alley. That is all. Oh, and the Mound Builders, from the archive. Not one-liners, just great literature.</p>