@twoinanddone I know that being poor in general isn’t ideal.
I would be able to come home for Christmas because I could probably use what I’d earn from my work study to buy a ticket.
I also don’t think being poor would bother me. I honestly don’t pay for anything but my gas, so I know how to live frugally. From what I’ve heard about MH’s workload, I’m going to be studying a lot.
Dad had notice of his potential responsibility the second the decree was approved by the court. I agree with you that dad has no responsibility to pay when OP is getting a full ride, but if she decides she wants to transfer because of a better opportunity at another school where there is no longer a full ride, dad needs to step up to the plate and fulfill his legal responsibility, which is to pay up to one half of the current cost at MSSU. If OP’s potential transfer and the possibility that dad will have to start contributing to his daughter’s college education causes strife in the relationship, that’s on dad; it’s not something that anyone should be blaming OP for.
If anything, the fact that dad has paid $0 for his daughter’s college education during her first two years, when he was potentially on the hook for thousands, would make it much easier to argue that now that OP has actual tuition bills to pay (if she does indeed transfer), dad needs to adhere to the decree.
OP- I am a huge fan of Mount Holyoke.
That said- I think wishful thinking about what you can get your dad to pay, taking him to court, forcing his hand, etc. is just delaying the inevitable. I think you need to call admissions and tell them you’ve hit a buzz saw financially, and can they arrange a call for you with financial aid (get admissions involved first. They admitted you, they know that finances for transfers can be very tricky).
Then you can either get them to increase your award or not.
If not, I think you suck it up where you are. You will have much better options professionally without debt hanging over your head. You will have much better options professionally if you are geographically mobile once you graduate because you’ll be able to self-finance a couple of months of living in a cheap sublet somewhere, rather than needing to earn a salary starting from day 2.
Fingers crossed that Richmond comes through. But if not, you are better off with a degree starting next May. And posters here can help you figure out a job search strategy which will position you for the kind of jobs you want long term. If study abroad isn’t feasible now- then wait a couple of years. If you can’t take Arabic now- then that’s a goal you can get started on after you graduate.
@gearmom I’m not afraid of going to the Middle East. It’s more that I don’t have experience traveling. It seems better to travel within the U.S. first and then go abroad.
I have never flown before and I’ve never been anywhere by myself other than Joplin.
@gearmom All the OP has said is “half the cost” at MSSU, and that her full ride there means the cost is zero and both parents have been paying nothing. If she didn’t get the free ride, then presumably he’d be in for half the MSSU regular cost, wherever she attends.
I would be very surprised if the decree said she must attend MSSU; that would basically be binding the child according to her parents’ choice, after she is an adult. I don’t think that can be legally binding. But I would not be at all surprised if it does say “half the cost of MSSU.”
They surely contemplated that she might get at least some merit aid, and clearly contemplated splitting the remaining costs evenly between them after the scholarships were applied. They would not have agreed to Dad paying half the sticker price, for example, and Mom getting off scot-free if OP earned scholarships for the rest.
Don’t burn down the house in an effort to clean the stove. You’ll have a clean stove but then what?
Alienating Dad if relations are already strained is rarely a good long term strategy.
@HelloImChelsea Why don’t you study abroad at a college that everyone is comfortable with that is not in the Middle East. Pick a uni where you can study Arabic. It would give you a chance to get out of MSSU and expand your horizons. Do any colleges in the UK or Canada teach Arabic?
Dad is a deadbeat in that he is refusing to pay for what is likely in the court decree UNLESS, and I so stipulated the decree had language that made it so that MSSU or like school are so mentioned. I really doubt that MSSU was so targeted unless Dad or mom works there.Also doubt a judge will prohibit a child from transferring unless that is so stipulated either. The cases of this sort I have seen have resulted in the Dad being forced to pay as written out in the decree. My friend specializes in deadbeat dads and it’s rare they win in such cases. They are usually fighting for some delay in hopes of something happening to make the situation go away or run out the clock and that can and does happen. Shame on them. The kids usually get it. Doubt OP will sue, but one can feel the wistful sadness when thinking about Dad and how much he can be counted upon.
As for not being able to afford it, if this went to court, that can be settled too. He can be forced to apply for a loan and if he doesn’t get it the OP gets more in her name that can make this possible. I’m suggesting she get him to apply and maybe he’ll do it on his own and if rejected, OP will get another $5K in loans. But I think this is just another NCP who has gotten used to paying nothing in the college cost area and doesn’t feel like changing that status quo. Maybe I’m wrong, yes, it’s very possible, but I’ve smelled this odor before, and I’m willing to say “polecat”.
But the OP has to live with the stress that any action going after the dad will entail, and is unlikely to do so, and Mom is probably tired of it. The child support the Dad is paying is taken into account, by the way, when the costs are split by the PROFILE. It’s a shame this Dad doesn’t support this most intrepid child of his more than he is willing to do. Yes, I smell polecat.
I disagree that, from what the OP posted, the father’s obligation is to pay half of the MS SU no matter where she goes to school. The parents could have made that agreement knowing that their daughter would have free tuition at that school and that school only (parent’s employer,state program, special circumstances). I know many parents can figure out how much on school will cost but not others. He agreed to pay half, not he agreed to pay $3000. Half in this case is nothing.
My daughter has a lot in scholarships that will not transfer. If she wants to give up her deal and take another not so great deal, I’m not going to pay what I might have to if she had no scholarship.
OP, you think you know what it’s like to be poor. It’s not the same when everyone else is going to spring break and you aren’t, or you aren’t able to buy a needed book. You’ll need that work study money for tuition and living,not a trip home. Read your financial aid package again. Usually that work study money is eaten up in the budget .
@FCCDad Both of my parents have known about my desire to transfer for two years (since I committed to MSSU). After I told my dad over the summer which colleges I was looking at, he even asked my mom if she thought I would be accepted to them.
He has known about the possibility of me getting into MH or Richmond since June.
I even gave him the web links to MH’s and Richmond’s financial aid.
@cptofthehouse My mom actually does work as an instructor of dental hygiene at MSSU - but she was hired the second semester of my freshman year.
My dad is the type of person who cares more about himself than others. He doesn’t attend any of my brother’s sporting events (football, baseball, track).
When I called him right after I got my decision, he said he was “proud” of me and he would do “whatever he could to help me,” but that’s clearly not going to happen. And yet, he was the one told his side of the family that I had gotten into this wonderful college…
@twoinanddone I never have gone anywhere for spring break. Surely, if I’ve paid my tuition, the cost of books/miscellaneous fees, the meal plan, and room and board, I won’t be spending $1,050 a semester on non-essential items.
@HelloImChelsea Sorry missed your other post. I didn’t mean to belittle your caution on living in ME but if you could not see yourself spending time there I was only saying to reconsider. Hopefully your transfer will work. If not what about Canadian study abroad as a stepping stone for your future international career.
Your father is proud of you and loves you as much as he could anyone. He’s flawed, as all of us are I am just sorry that the divorce and all of this is causing so much trouble for you in getting what you want for college. He is, unfortunately, typical when it comes to paying as a NCP. This truly happens more often than not. See it all of the time. My one son’s friend is having this problem with his dad who is crying poor even as he is paying for private school for his second family, but doesn’t want to pay for college which is spelled out, thank goodness, in the divorce decree, as his mother knew he’d try to welch. The dad is trying to talk son into going to a state school where he can go for zero tuition as a STEM major, when he has some other options that will require some hefty bucks, one being his father’s alma mater. He just doesn’t want to pay and resents the child support he is stuck paying for a while by NY state child suport rules. Also incensed that his own parents have changed their will to specify inheritances to children of that first marriage instead of leaving it all to the him–grandparents got distinct whiff that the second family is more important to their son, and they didn’t see i that way. Still, the dad, who I do see, is proud of the son, and brags about him. Doesn’t know that the word is out on his not wanting to pay for him. He does love his son but is just limited in many regards. I can go on with stories.
I think your father is just happy with what he is paying right now and doesn’t want to pay a dime more, figures you are doing just fine where you are and doesn’t want to think about any more. Do try to get him to apply for PLUS and work with him that way, as I doubt you want to sue him, though you likely could and win. Without your mother leading the charge, it would be difficult for a young college kid to pull that off, and yes, it could sever relationship with dad, which though not so hot right now, is at least there.
MSSU has a partnership with a few Canadian universities, so that is worth looking into.
I want to study in Jordan, but with the refugee crisis and the conflicts with ISIS and Yemen, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a travel ban.
I wrote my Richmond essay about wanting to learn more about the problems in Yemen and Iraq.
@HelloImChelsea Canada does have a large ME immigrant population. It could be a safe opportunity to explore the culture and I bet that you could even find a good language tutor.
@cptofthehouse My dad has a second “family” too. His girlfriend has two teenage kids. I think my dad may be helping his girlfriend pay for nursing school, but I could be wrong.
I don’t think my dad understands that I will be $28,000 in debt if he doesn’t help. Either that, or I will be stuck at MSSU because of him.
I don’t hate MSSU, but it has taught me that I’m fine being by myself. If I do talk to people, they’re either my professors, the students I tutor, or my bosses.
Chelsea — I remember you from your early days on CC, when you posted on the Brown forum. I’ve been watching your college saga from the very beginning.
Congratulations on the Mount Holyoke acceptance, you’ve yearned for this type of opportunity for years.
You’ve gotten some good advice on this thread — my fingers are crossed that Mount Holyoke finds some additional money for you, or that Richmond accepts you with a better package.
As for your dad — while you could go to court and get money out of him, you are clearly reluctant to do that, and for good reason. I would suggest having lunch with him and be as sweet and lovely as possible. Cry. Explain why this means so much to you. Try to get as much money from him as possible. If he’s willing to give you $800, take it — it’s better than nothing. And get him to write you a check on the spot.
I think you’ll do fine at Holyoke watching other students have spending money. I wouldn’t worry about that.
Thumper’s idea, that you take out a student loan for the rest of this year, and use it to pay for next year, is also something you should consider.
Most divorce decrees I have seen are stipulate with half the cost of attending the local public university and commuting from home. They also take into consideration how much child support is already being paid Unless the parents are wealthy from the start, it is highly unlikely that the judge will impose an order paying for 1/2 the cost of a 60k college, especially after reviewing the parents financials it would be onerous (and still it does not mean the the parent cannot appeal the decision)
If there is a financial shortfall, finish the degree where you are, while searching for job opportunities near a university where you want to attend graduate school in the field you desire. You may be able to get a graduate assistantship. If may mean you have to work a year to become a resident for in-state tuition. Use your determination and your ability to earn money with a full time job with a degree. If you go to a college area, you should be able to find reasonable housing; find a room mate to get your housing costs low. Maybe you have a relative or can find some arrangements close to a school you want.