<p>My dad’s big sister, my aunt, is getting married. This is her first time she’s getting married, simply because she’s just had better things to do. I love her so much and I’ve always been close to her, but she really did something to upset me. I’ve met this guy, and I REALLY dislike him immensely. He didn’t seem like he actually cared for me and my sister and was ‘fake nice’, plus he only speaks Italian, so I never had any idea what he was really saying, since I don’t speak it very well. I really want my aunt to be happy, but what really hurts is that she herself didn’t tell us she was getting married, but my mom did and she hasn’t spoken to us since. I guess I’m kinda afraid of her forgetting about us. She hasn’t bothered to talk to me since I left Italy in August, and she lives there so I can’t really just drive down to see her. Am I being dumb and irrational like teenage girls are, or do I have a legitimate reason to be upset? Please help. I’m fourteen, if that helps any.</p>
<p>It’s your aunt’s business who she marries, but if you love her, you should keep in contact with her. She didn’t get engaged to this guy to upset you; she did it (hopefully) because she loves him, but she loves you too. You might even get to like him.</p>
<p>Awesome screen name, by the way.</p>
<p>Thanks, I guess. Didn’t help much, but I really appreciate your input. </p>
<p>Thanks about the screen name. I’ve been in love with Rent since I was eleven, and am really sad it’s closing in September.</p>
<p>You can’t exactly tell your aunt that you think she’s marrying a jerk. But if you feel ignored, you should talk to her (over the phone, if you can’t see her in person). Tell her that you’re glad she’s happy, but you don’t want her to foget about you. She’ll probably be glad that your relationship means so much. If you don’t like her fianc</p>
<p>It sounds like she might not be meaning to ignore you but just is very busy planning her wedding. If she is planning a big wedding with food, music, flowers, etc. it takes a lot of time and gets very stressful. Hopefully when her life gets back to normal after the wedding she will have more time for you.</p>
<p>Okay, so, I apparently got it wrong. She already IS married, without so much as mentioning it to any of her nieces and nephews, and she hasn’t spoken to any of us since last August. Yup, she really cares about us.</p>
<p>Ok, come on now…cut the poor woman some slack. I understand that Italian families are close and all, but you’re nieces and nephews, NOT sons and daughters. She is under no obligation to tell you anything, as you’re making it seem, and this does NOT mean that she “doesn’t care about you.”</p>
<p>People elope every single day…maybe she thought you guys wouldn’t take it well (obviously she was wrong…), maybe they didn’t want to plan a huge wedding, maybe they couldn’t afford it…the list is long and varied of why people elope. </p>
<p>This will only cause a big issue if YOU let it. Stop being superficial and selfish and pick up the phone and CALL HER. Realize that her whole life does not (and should not) revolved around you and your family. There’s a difference between being upset/sad that you didn’t get to share this joyous occasion with her and being a spoiled child who is just peeved that she married someone you don’t “approve” of. She’s an adult and this is HER decision, not yours.</p>
<p>I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but really now…does she need to consult with you before everything she does? Again, you’re not her daughter, you’re her niece. Let the woman live her life.</p>
<p>First of all, we’re not Italian. He is. Second of all, I honestly could care less about him anymore as I’ll have as little contact with him as possible and they didn’t “elope”, as basically everyone (including my parents) knew, except us. She doesn’t have any children and we basically are her kids. Excuse me for wanting to know what’s going on in my family.</p>
<p>I really don’t know what to think now. I want to be rational but I’m really upset.</p>
<p>There’s nothing wrong with being upset…but you’re acting as if she shut only you out on purpose.</p>
<p>This sounds as if it’s just a miscommunication…ie she called your parents and assumed they would tell you, and somehow it just never got passed along. </p>
<p>She most likely wasn’t trying to hurt you, so be mature about it and move on. Don’t let this ruin the obviously great relationship you have with her.</p>
<p>I don’t see a big problem with what she did. It doesn’t matter if you like him or not. You aren’t going to be around her and will probably never have to really deal with him. </p>
<p>If she called and talked to every single person in her family about this, it would take forever and I believe there is a big time difference which would make it even harder to tell every single person (my aunt had spinal surgery that could have left her paralyzed and she didn’t tell anyone about it until afterwards because she didn’t want us to worry). </p>
<p>Maybe she didn’t tell anyone because she wanted to elope and didn’t want people to show up or anything. People get married without telling their familes all the time.</p>
<p>As far as him fake nice to you, you’re probably overreacting. Older men have a hard time finding things to talk about with a girl your age–especially if there is a language barrier. Give the guy some slack!</p>
<p>It’s not your aunts fault that your parents didn’t tell you. You’re mad at the wrong person!</p>
<p>You know now, so get over it.</p>
<p>If it was something huge like this, she would’ve told us herself. That’s the kind of person she is, she calls us up when the littlest things happen. I honestly doubt she would get someone to pass a message like this along like she did.</p>
<p>OKGirl, they didn’t elope. My grandparents were at the wedding, as were all our family on that side of the world.</p>
<p>Well then, she’s a terrible person and her new husband is an evil and conniving *******.</p>
<p>Seriously, you’re too hell-bent on finding the bad in this situation. Give the poor woman the benefit of the doubt…just because you doubt she would pass the message along doesn’t mean she absolutely wouldn’t. It’s just like OKGirl said…this happens all the time.</p>
<p>Or maybe she has a pulse and realizes you don’t like him, and therefore thought you wouldn’t WANT to come.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be able to go if I even wanted to. Airplane tickets are more expensive than ever.</p>
<p>What isn’t bad about my aunt, who says she loves you more than anything, lying (by omission) to us about a HUGE event that will change our family forever? Are you honestly telling me you wouldn’t feel the same way if you were in this position? I want her to be happy, it isn’t even about the guy anymore, but she LIED. That’s what’s driving me crazy with hurt and anger.</p>
<p>I think it is probably fairly normal - my brother was a lot more involved with my kids before he got married. Then he was very busy with his own life so became less involved wit ours. I was happy to see him so happy. You will probably find the same yourself when you get married and are starting your own family ‘unit’. Your aunt was probably caught up in the giddiness and happiness of her new life and did not mean to hurt you.</p>
<p>If you truly love your aunt you will wish for her happiness and try and accept her new husband. Why don’t you swallow your hurt feelings and get her a nice congratulations card and write a nice note wishing her and her husband much happiness and ask for a picture of them. If you reach out to her you may find you are able to feel some joy for her happiness. That way you are keeping the door open to your relationship with her and showing your love for her. </p>
<p>The relationship may not stay the same but most relationships do not. Even as parents we start off as the center of our children’s universes then go through phases where their peers are more important, their teachers are all knowing (and we know nothing), then watch them excitedly go off to college and rush towards their independence. Eventually we see them fall in love and start their own family. We are not loved less but are no longer the center of their universe. All of it is the natural way of things and the way it should be. ( and yes we probably struggle with it a little ourselves but we understand because we did the same).</p>
<p>In a few years you will be off to college then meeting your own love and maybe getting married and having your own family. You will not love your ‘birth’ family less but you will be more involved in your new life and less involved on a day to day basis with your immediate family. Would you want someone to begrudge you the opportunity to go forward with your life.</p>
<p>Seriously - get a lovely card and write a nice note congratulating them and welcoming him into your family. That is a better way to show your love for your aunt.</p>
<p>You met him briefly and decided he was fake? You’re mad at her because she got married with her family present, in a country that you said you couldn’t afford to fly to, and she left you out? Your parents knew? She lives in another country, but it’s like you’re her kids? You are waaaay overreacting. Hopefully, when you re-read your posts you’ll realize how they sound. You may have written in the heat of the moment when you were really hurt at being left out, though.</p>
<p>If you’re going to be hurt by anyone, tell your parents that you really love Auntie and they should have told you what was going on. I suspect they knew she was going to get married when she brought this guy to meet her family.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that you have really important years coming up, with high school, college apps and college. You’ll be having boyfriends and a lot of stuff will be happening in your life. Whether you believe it or not, you will be pulling away from your family a little to have your own life. Why would you have any resentment at all that your Aunt is going to have a family of her own? You don’t forget your family members just because you get married. You should, however, keep reaching out to her if you want to keep your relationship strong. Email? Cards? Letters?</p>
<p>If I were her, I would have assumed that my niece’s parents would tell her. That seems like a pretty reasonable expectation to me–I mean, it’s hard enough to call every family unit, but every MEMBER of every family? I think the real question is, why didn’t your PARENTS tell you?</p>
<p>IMO, you should take the initiative and contact her.</p>