<p>Please stop right here if you are! And apologies in advance to anyone who thinks this is all way TMI.</p>
<p>I really have been doing better lately in a lot of ways. (Not that I would necessarily have used the word “thriving,” as my friend Helen Boyd recently did on her website!) Even though Im still exhausted most of the time - something that was very obvious to James when he was home at Thanksgiving, and, Im afraid, seems to worry him a lot – and often end up napping most of the time on weekends.</p>
<p>The thing that concerns me the most right now is that I have to have a biopsy first thing Monday morning, inside where I had surgery this past summer, in an area that has never really healed, and still looks visibly wrong" despite more than a month on Keflex. Plus, for the last six weeks or so, its caused excruciating pain whenever I engage in the post-operative care that I still have to do daily for about 45 minutes, because the stent passes by and presses against that area (sorry if thats TMI!). Lately, its started to hurt all the time. I was examined by a gynecologist (not the nurse practitioner) a couple of weeks ago and she said I had to have a biopsy; when I asked what it could be she refused to speculate and said she had no idea, although she did say that it didnt look like any kind of yeast infection. Its been kind of hard waiting this long to have the biopsy, especially with all the pain Im in, but Im lucky, I suppose, that I only have to wait until Monday originally, I was told that the first available date wasnt until December 28, and it was only after I got so visibly upset that I almost started to cry that they managed to fit me in for December 7. </p>
<p>Im trying not to worry <em>too</em> much, and am hoping that its just some kind of infection that wasnt responsive to the Keflex (or to the cipro that I take every day to try to keep the Crohns Disease under control which, thankfully, it has been of late). Even though I have a long history of awful and unusual complications, and fully expect to have the phrase This is very unusual; weve never seen anything like this before! inscribed on my tombstone, I think its rather unlikely that even I could have developed something <em>really</em> bad within just a few months of my surgery. Still, I cant help being worried a little. Not to mention that Im not looking forward to the pain of the procedure (or, more accurately, the pain and discomfort afterwards, since theyll inject some kind of local anesthesia for the biopsy an injection which will undoubtedly be painful itself!). Or to waiting however long Ill have to wait for the results; I’m not even sure how long that takes. </p>
<p>I really wish I hadnt mentioned this to James when he was home at Thanksgiving, because hes very worried and has told me he had trouble sleeping after I told him. But I was visibly a little down, as well as being obviously exhausted and in pain, and he asked me what was wrong, and I sort of needed to share this with someone, and couldnt help telling him (without going into too much detail, of course). I wish I hadnt; I should have waited until I get the results and, hopefully, can reassure him that its nothing too severe. But whats done is done, and I did reassure him as well as I could.</p>
<p>If anyone has had a biopsy before, in that area or elsewhere, did it bleed a lot afterwards? I really hope there isnt too much bleeding afterwards, because Im assuming that Ill be going to work. The last time I had any kind of minor out-patient procedure in that area was this past January, when I needed a small repair that required a couple of stitches, as the final repair to all the complications I had over a period of more than 5 years in the process of healing from the preliminary genital surgery I had in November 2003. The nurse put some gauze on it, and I went to work, and had to work late, and all of a sudden about 9 pm I felt something and looked down and realized that the bleeding from this minor procedure had soaked completely through and had gotten all over my legs and soaked the (fortunately black) pants I was wearing! I cleaned up as well as I could in the bathroom, but it was still an experience I dont want to repeat. </p>
<p>I also had to have an out-patient surgical procedure in that area in 1997, microscopic Mohs surgery to remove a carcinoma from something called Bowens disease. Fortunately, it was just a skin cancer and turned out not to extend too far below the skin, but in the middle of the surgical process I was told to get dressed and sent to sit in the waiting room while they examined the preliminary results under a microscope to see if they needed to remove more to make sure they got everything (they eventually did need to do that). Within half an hour of beginning to wait, I realized there was blood all over my pants, which, unfortunately, were khaki-colored! The nurse asked me if Id brought an extra pair of pants (yeah, right!), and then was nice enough to give me a robe and try to wash them out for me. At least I didnt go to work that day, although it was still rather stressful to have to walk immediately after the surgery was done from the hospital at 30th and 1st to Port Authority on 40th and 8th (no sign of any cabs or buses), and then take a bus home from New Jersey. My ex, who had the day off from work, was apparently “busy,” and declined to accompany me or pick me up afterwards, so I was on my own. (I lied at the hospital and said I had someone to pick me up; I was too embarrassed to admit the truth.) One of many signs that our marriage wasnt working!</p>
<p>Anyway, Ill come equipped on Monday with a supply of sanitary pads. Still, Im not looking forward to the possibility that history could repeat itself in terms of the immediate aftermath. Not to mention that I cant help worrying, at least a little, about whats wrong. Really, I just want them to figure it out so they can treat it. Im tired of things not being right, and Im tired of being in such pain every day. It’s been a long time.</p>
<p>Sorry for complaining so much; I didnt intend to go into things quite that much, but once I started typing it sort of all came out!</p>
<p>Donna</p>
so take your pain meds.</p>