At first I was indifferent toward my daughter’s boyfriend (he lived 2400 miles away) but the more I saw him, the less I liked him. Very whiney, very spoiled and used to getting his way. My only interference was when it involved me - ride to the airport, missing her sister’s signing ceremony, missing Christmas so I stepped in and said no. I even helped them with travel arrangements when I didn’t really want to. What did him in was when she saw him interacting with me in a whimpy and disrespectful way (mumbling ‘eh, sorry’ for a pretty big mistake) . Oh, and a 2 week vacation with him and his family in an RV where they were pretty rude to her (I hadn’t wanted her to go and told her it would be like a prison on wheels - oh, Mom was right). He never made fun of her appearance but often there were slights about her intelligence, and the final straw was when his father made fun of DD’s college choice. Karma baby.
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If you have ever been around certain groups of male friends, you will see that kind of thing, where putting down who they have dated, their mother,
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…their mother??? lol…what groups are those? The males I know are pretty loyal to their mommas and won’t tolerate anyone bad-mouthing them. (shame on males who bad-mouth other boys’ mommas!)
What??? I immediately thought of this!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cshMYPMKtIU
Note the young Ryan Gosling in this scene
Another ditto to post #55. Unless OP is leaving out some more egregious examples of the girlfriend’s behavior, this all looks like much ado about nothing to me, and the term “abusive” as used by some posters seems insanely over the top. She’s a little mouthy, a little sacrastic–so? I think OP would keel over if she heard a bunch of typical high school kids verbally jousting at the cafeteria table! If I were in OP’s shoes and my kid had ASKED what I thought of his girlfriend, I may have carefully voiced my concerns, but I would never have initiated the conversation based on the mild behavior OP has witnessed. That’s a sure way to send him more firmly into her arms.
I will say that if the relationship was looking more serious, and there were definite signs of instability, alcoholism, bad temper, perhaps broke their hand hitting a fish tank when their mother said something nasty about their girlfriend…
Then I would say something to my kid, about how no matter how much I personally liked their boyfriend, that perhaps they should pull back a bit, and think about if that is who they really want to be with.
Watching this thread. My S has had GFs I liked and ones I didn’t. One was mean to him. I didn’t know at the time. Thankfully she didn’t last very long.
I would have spoken up when GF said mean things in front of me. I wouldn’t so much confront her as try to change the tone of the conversation. And I’d just try to talk to her and get to know her. If I thought she was a bad influence or just plain mean, I would say something to S, but not so much about this GF as about relationships in general. I would hate for my criticism to make her more attractive.
I’d take solace in the fact this is probably just a phase, just a learner girlfriend. Heck, I had lots of boyfriends, and many of them were awful. Not mean to me, not abusive, but completely unsuitable for a long term relationship. I was attracted to them for some reason: cute, smart, bad boy image, different culture or background. I learned something about myself and what I wanted from each of them.
Easy for me to say I know. My sons haven’t had any GFs that looked like more than temporary GFs. When that serious one comes along, I will be asking for advice if I don’t like her.