Not so grand start to the new year

Parent Cafe
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<p>The new year dawned with such promise. The streets were silent, covered by a foot-thick blanket of glistening snow. Tree branches bowed toward the ground, heavy under their coats of white. Snow fell quietly, warming hearts in spite of the bitter cold.</p>

<p>Then my daughter woke up.</p>

<p>It was time to return to school. Scattered possessions needed to be collected. Mounds of clothes — finally clean — were carefully folded (by Mom) & packed (again, by Mom) into waiting suitcases. Bags were placed in the trunk of the car Dad had so lovingly cleaned & filled with various fluids. Not-so-little-anymore-brother roused from his sleep to say goodbye. And the whining began.</p>

<p>Darling D has decided to switch schools. Obviously, the drama of choosing a school last year just wasn’t enough. We have to go through it all over again. While last year, there was no clear choice … this year, there is. Because it’s a very selective school to which she was accepted last year, the stress is even worse. “Why did I turn them down?” “What if I don’t get in this time?” “There is no way I can wait until April to know what I am doing next year.” “I made up my mind. Why can’t it just be next fall NOW?” No responses are actually welcome, mind you. D has adjusted well to college, has friends, participates on campus, etc. — but she is impatient to move on & is driving herself (and her parents) crazy over it.</p>

<p>The time has come to leave for school. D decides she isn’t going to go. She curls up on the couch in the fetal position & commences crying. Mean old Mom has no sympathy. We have been through this over & over. The path to happiness isn’t always straight. Sometimes it takes a detour. Enjoy the detour. Life isn’t perfect; get used to it. Figure out how to be happy even when you made a mistake (which, by the way, you did not … you just changed your mind). Blah, blah, blah. Now Mom gets mad. D carpooled home & needs to get on the road in order to meet her classmate. D cries, whines, says ridiculous things because she’s mad (like, “Why did you make me go to this school?” — Mom refused to comment when D picked schools PRECISELY because she knew this could happen, by the way). Mom & Dad insist on accompanying D on the 1/2 hour drive to meet her carpool-mate (remember the foot of snow … we need to be sure the roads are okay … AND D needs time to calm down before she gets behind the wheel). D is mad about that, but Mom & Dad win. After all, “her” car is really THEIR car!! </p>

<p>Dad drives D’s car. She won’t vent to him the way she does to Mom. Mom follows behind, glad that the roads are passable. We meet the classmate, caution the kids to drive carefully, and send them on their way. The roads will be slippery for an hour or so, then things should be fine.</p>

<p>Several hours later, D calls to tell us that it’s snowing, cars have spun out all over the place, and I-75 is closed (in the mountains of KY, so no easy alternate route). A quick internet search doesn’t show a road closure, so we tell her it’s probably an accident & it will be cleaned up soon. Fortunately, they are soon back on the road. Weather.com shows that the weather is clear after Knoxville, so we figure I-40 will be clear in the mountains of TN/NC. A couple hours later, D calls to tell us that the snowy weather seems to be following them. D & her carpool-mate drive well in this weather, but they are a bit worried about everyone else on the road. Fortunately, they are very careful. Thank goodness Mom’s school district is closed due to the weather, because she can’t sleep until she knows they have arrived. At 1 a.m., D calls to say they are finally at school. A normal 10 hour drive has taken 13, but it’s okay … they are there, safe & sound.</p>

<p>And their cards won’t open the dorm doors.</p>

<p>They go to the Public Safety office. Too bad. The dorms don’t open until 9 a.m. WHAT!!! Yup. Enrollment Day is 1/2, D’s first class is at 8 a.m. 1/3. But no dorm access until 9 a.m. 1/2. It’s only 1 a.m. 1/2. Others have made the same mistake throughout the day. Oh, well. Your problem. Call to Mom. In laws live 2 hours away … too far to drive at that hour & with the kids so tired. Mom offers to get them a hotel room. D says she’ll call a friend who lives in town; friend doesn’t pick up cell phone & D doesn’t know home phone. Classmate calls a friend in town whose family is kind enough to let them come over. Text from D at 2:15 to let us know she is finally in bed.</p>

<p>Received a call from D this morning, and she is in much better spirits. SOMEDAY she will tell the story for a laugh. Just not today.</p>

<p>SIGH … so how is YOUR new year shaping up?!</p>

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<p>I’m glad your daughter got to school safely and I’m having more anxiety over the fact that all my daughter’s potential state schools are in the middle of cold snowy nowhere!!!</p>

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<p>Oh dear! What a day for both of you! My sympathies!</p>

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<p>aw, kelsmom. What a day. Or is it days?</p>

<p>Major empathy vibes from me to you, on the whole lot of it. The transfer angst. The D who doesn’t get that sometimes the journey is not a straight line, even when the mom gets it. The snow. The dorms being locked. ??#@*!(@??!</p>

<p>You are so wise. And you even know to vent here, not to the D.</p>

<p>Have a massage on me.</p>

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<p>And a glass of whatever it is that makes you**** feel better.</p>

<p>Oh my.</p>

<p>Cheers.</p>

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<p>Thanks so much for the words of sympathy! I do appreciate them. :)</p>

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<p>So “Public Safety” turns away young drivers out onto snowy roads to find a place to sleep. Imagine if someone were injured in an accident after being turned away at the gate. Penny wise and pound foolish on the part of the school. But I bet your D and carpoolers never forget again to check when the dorms open!</p>

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<p>My blood pressure rose when I read that the dorms were closed! </p>

<p>My sympathies, kelsmom. You are quite a storyteller; I could imagine the whole scene, and even the tone of voice. It sounds like you and your husband handled it extremely well.</p>

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<p>No snow at the school … just on the way. </p>

<p>I wasn’t too happy about the kids being turned away. However, the calendar DOES state that the dorms “open at 9 a.m.” I plan to suggest to the administration that they somehow communicate to freshmen (and their parents) that the dorms are indeed closed down & NO ONE is able to get in early. It’s our fault, obviously. It’s just that students returned early from the week off at Thanksgiving & got in, and they are expected to be back today. It simply didn’t cross any of our minds that the kids wouldn’t be able to get in. </p>

<p>I do think that for a school that prides itself on taking good care of its students & on communicating well with parents, the “turning away” was a bit of a surprise. Again, though, we should have known.</p>

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<p>kelsmom – our year is going about as well as yours – with very similar D. doesn’t know whether to transfer, no school is perfect, all her friends from high school are happy where they are, why didn’t she follow her heart instead of her head, “it’s not fair.” (My least favorite three words in the English language.) Lots of crying on couch. Only she doesn’t go back for two more weeks! Count you blessings – and kudos on having a kid that can drive in that kind of weather!</p>

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<p>ivoryk, my sympathies. Ouch … 2 more weeks. That’s enough to really make it hard to get her out the door.</p>

<p>We worked hard to make sure that D drives well in bad weather … many hours of nerve-wracking passenger-seat driving in poor conditions to get to this point. Unfortunately, I have a 15 year old son who hates driving, but thinks he’ll get his license, anyway. H & I keep telling him he has to learn to drive well in all types of weather before we’ll allow him to get his license. I don’t think he believes us. He will come April, when he turns 16!</p>

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<p>Wow…this is making me kind of nervous to go away to college next fall!!! :(</p>

<p>My sympathies to the both of you…I hope everything works out.</p>

<p>I spent my New Year’s Eve and Day in bed (and in the bathroom) with the stomach flu. Hurrah.</p>

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<p>Stick to your guns, kelsmom! I so wish all parents thought like that, especially when I see people driving this time of year. :mad:</p>

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<p>Ahhh. This is one of the times I looooove California. NO SNOW. :slight_smile: (Unless you live in Big Bear or Arrowhead, which I’m not planning on.)</p>

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<p>Grace, I hope you are feeling better now. And don’t worry about next year … just remember to actually pay attention to what the calendar says & you’ll be fine!</p>

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<p>Thanks, kelsmom! :slight_smile: I’m feeling much better today…but none of my friends will come near me for fear of catching whatever I had. lol…kind of a lousy way to finish of Winter Break (we go back on the 7th).</p>

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<p>Aww sympathies to you Kelsmom and your D! What a trip! I am glad your D. got a place to stay and that things turned out okay but wow better communication on when the dorms open is most defenitly needed!</p>

<p>Ivorkyk- I laughed when I read this "kelsmom – our year is going about as well as yours – with very similar D. doesn’t know whether to transfer, no school is perfect, all her friends from high school are happy where they are, ", because that has been me this entire break and I am sure my parents are tired of hearing it.</p>

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<p>My son was miserable at this time last year and planning to transfer. He wound up staying put, and is much happier this year.</p>

<p>That said, we had a wonderful New Year, but arrived home from our trip to see family and WildChild last night to find, amidst all the mail, two notices from yet another traffic court regarding yet another WildChild ticket. He had paid it, hence the second notice canceling the court date. This was the kind anyone could get (as opposed to his last one which was beyond acceptable), and he swears that state won’t report to our home state. I told him I don’t want any surprises and am tired of finding court notices in our mail…</p>

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<p>Is your insurance sky-high??</p>

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<p>DG, I know from other posts that you are having a tough time. Hopefully, you can see from a parent’s point of view that it we Mom-types DO sympathize … but we also have to keep you going through the rest of the year. It’s hard on us, too. No parent wants her/his child to be sad, but learning to deal with those feelings is an important part of growing up. Even if I COULD make things “all better” for my D, I would not. She has to find her own way in the world. </p>

<p>What I can tell you is this: It’s all just a bump in the road of life. Fasten your seatbelt, because there are plenty more ahead. You can’t avoid them all, so learning to deal with them is a big step toward happiness. To be honest, if life was all a bed of roses … we might not appreciate the wonderful things that come our way.</p>