<p>I agree with getting financial counselling (among other things) before marriage. Makes a ton of sense even if massive debt isn’t involved. </p>
<p>I don’t personally agree with the idea of running a credit check on someone before you date someone.</p>
<p>^^^I was joking when I posted it because someone mentioned credit rating. Now, I am kind of liking the idea.</p>
<p>My Dad, a chaplain, would never agree to perform a ceremony without a few marriage counseling sessions. That seemed like a sound idea.</p>
<p>you are not alone, oldfort…it’s becoming popular…
<a href=“Even Cupid Wants to Know Your Credit Score - The New York Times”>Even Cupid Wants to Know Your Credit Score - The New York Times;
<p>You can’t get a credit report without a SS number. I know my D wouldn’t have provided that info on any of her exBFs. In NY, even marital information is not public.
I agree with ellebud, get a prenup if you don’t want to inherit any debt or get taken to the cleaners.</p>
<p>DS started to take out a large amount of debt. No wonder he is concerned that he may not be able to find somebody as his soul mate if he could not find one while he is still a student. (A student tends to be more naive and not as “calculating”/“protective of him/herself”, and many students at the college age will not follow his/her parents’ advice. :)) </p>
<p>At least he does not drink and “wastes” money in that way. And he does not have any debt for college. So it may not be a hopeless case.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I don’t think we communicated clearly because it’s hard to explain what bothers me about him. BF has no debt, works hard, comes from a great family, etc. etc. He’s from our town and a few years older than D. They both were involved in drama in high school but didn’t see each other afterwards until they met by chance in Philadelphia. He went to Penn and stayed in the city afterwards; D went to Bryn Mawr and stayed in the city too.
He often seems sarcastic and judgmental to me. Example: this summer I was going walking (it was a really hot day) and I decided to take two water bottles with me. Had them in a small backpack. I was going to walk 7 miles. BF–who had just come into the kitchen–watched me but the water bottles in the backpack and then said “hydrate much?” Dumb remark, right. He does that all the time. I guess it’s minor in the bigger scope of things and my D cares about him and he treats her well (doesn’t seem to make those kinds of remarks to her–in fact, he’s always supportive). I’m just going to keep quiet.</p>
<p>Bromfield, some people just have sarcastic humor like that. I have known at least two people, both very close friends, that love sarcasm (I am not like that, by the way). Believe me, they are NOT bad people - both are very caring and helpful and good people in general. Sometimes if you don’t know them really well, it can come accross as maybe rude, I don’t know… But really, if that’s your only concern, don’t worry. It’s funny, I can see my mom saying almost the exact same thing about the sarcastic humor of some of my friends. Maybe it’s a newer trend/generational thing.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That could be the case, but the kids my kids’ age tend to adjust their speech when they are speaking to us ‘oldies’ if they are concerned about seeming respectful. I guess my concern would be if this level of respect with which this young man addresses the mother of his girlfriend, is this an indication of the level of respect he will have for her daughter as well?</p>
<p>I agree with your feeling that Bromfeld, that would bug me also. I especially have issues with how young men treat women their mother’s ages, it says a lot about how they feel about women in general.</p>
<p>I used to be really sarcastic. It felt like being smart. One day in my teens I just decided to stop and I did. I realized I might be hurting people’s feelings. People can change, though you never want to count on it.</p>
<p>I think sarcasm is a form of aggression.</p>
<p>I didn’t mean to turn this into a discussion of going into a marriage with debt. That was just part of what I was thinking about. It is more their different personalities and some other issues. Again, I am not talking to my dgt about this. I did during one long discussion and haven’t talked about it since. That was during a break-up of a couple of days and she asked for my opinion. It was after that I started analyzing things, I am a social worker, it is in my blood to do this. I am concerned about his work ethic- again this can change, he is young- he also has a lot of baggage - don’t want to discuss this on here but please trust me there is baggage. He has not always been the most supportive - this is getting a little better. I know relationships take work. I just want what is best for her and him. I don’t want him to feel stifled or resentful.</p>
<p>I understand lammb66, this parenting thing is hard. And you so want someone who fits into the family.</p>
<p>I have often wondered if.when the time comes how awful it would be if i didnt like My d’s choices. My SIL hates my neices BF because she blames him for her rebelious behavior. she was never non compliant until recently. But I think my SIL is unrealistic, her d is 24, and is out of school has a job, she reads her bills, opens her mail. (because she has been late on her payments) she is smoking and partying. and stays with him on the weekends. She is in grad school and has two jobs. When try to orient my SIL into reality she just snaps at me and says “wait until your D is seeing someone you dont like”
I talk to a lot of the young girls at work and they think as do. Anyway, her attitude isnt helping. I am trying to not judge too much as i havent had to walk in her shoes . It s hard. I hate the smoking too, but my neice is making choices she is not some meek person who follows a guy, i think she is just sowing her oats right now.</p>