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<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/fashion/sex-in-a-teenagers-room.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/11/fashion/sex-in-a-teenagers-room.html</a></p>
<p>It depends on a lot of things to make rules or permit these things. The persons involved and the comfort level one has in ones own house is what’s paramount. I know one mom who was ever so cool about these things. What went on in her kids’ bedroom was absolutely private business, as long as it was legal, and she wasn’t going to be checking up if it were. Then one of her kids, was bringing home partners beyond the comfort level and having noisy sex and making everyone uncomfortable. Bringing down the boom when things get out of hand, can be dicey. You pick what your level of comfort is. </p>
<p>I don’t permit unmarried couples to share a bedroom in our house which did lead to some expenses and awkwardness at times. My brother had a long time live in, and when he visited, and I loved him to visit, I’d pay for their hotel. But I just didn’t want this to become a standard with younger kids, and I was glad I did so, when he broke up with the SO and had another, and then another shortly after than before finally marrying. Some of my kids were just true boors and liked to be "in our faces’ about things at certain times of their lives, so I’m glad the rule is there, and it always was. I think that there is a “don’t ask, don’t tell” here, where I don’t go knocking on doors and looking for signs of any activity but my kids know that this is shaky grounds and could lead to a scene and getting asked to leave if a line is drawn. I’m not sure how else to do this, as I feel my own comfort in my own home as well as that of the others in the home is more important than providing a love/lust nest for anyone. </p>
<p>So, yes, the only ones allowed to have sex in my house are DH and I with each other. I don’t go looking for it , but make me uncomfortable in this area, and you aren’t a welcome overnight guest. My house, my rules. Never had an issue yet.</p>
<p>Our apartment is so small that it’s a joke to say, “we’ll put BF in the guest room.”</p>
<p>"Once I had a girlfriend in the States whom I had met one October. The December of that same year, we went to her parent’s house out of town and met her parents and her little brother. That night I stayed in her room, in the same bed with her. We had no intention of marrying.</p>
<p>I repeat: I stayed in the same house…while her parents were down the hall!…., slept in the same bed and woke up the next morning with no bullet holes in me, no angry cousins waiting around the corner to beat me to a pulp – not a scratch on my carriage. In fact, her mother even made breakfast.</p>
<p>That seems unusual, almost unthinkable to me now – at my ripe 31 years of age no less."</p>
<p>This is an excerpt from a friend’s son who is now engaged to get married to the love of his life whose family standards are not as liberal as he was used to having in his younger years. How perspective changes.</p>
<p>If my kid come home with a girlfriend I honestly don’t care if they sleep together. But I have a cousin whose son (he’s out of college and has his own apt but doesn’t want the ONS to know where he lives,) whose son brings his one night stands to her home and she puts up with it. He has even told her not to even speak to the girl if their paths should cross. I was gobsmacked when she told me.</p>
<p>If teenagers want to have sex, they’ll have sex. Most of my friends growing up wouldn’t have it in their house with their parents home because they didn’t want their parents to hear it. I was having sex by 16, in my house, but not with my parents home (yes, they knew). I didn’t want to hear them so I sure as heck didn’t want them to hear me.</p>
<p>Staying over, even in the same bed, as teenagers is nothing new. It was quite common in the 1600s for young, unmarried people to share beds. This often led to pregnancy which would follow with marriage and a baby a few months later. It really wasn’t a big deal. </p>
<p>With all that said, I didn’t really understand the point of this article.</p>
<p>With all due respect, romani, it is a subject of continuing interest to parents. :)</p>
<p>I understand that in general it is of interest. As my area of study and work is sexual health, it is of interest to me as well. </p>
<p>However, I didn’t get the point of <em>this</em> particular article.</p>
<p>romanigypsyeyes, I think this and many other articles are aimed toward childless adults who enjoy a peek into the world of parenthood but would never go there themselves. I think that’s a big part of the NY Times readership (and, indeed, Manhattan).</p>
<p>NO sex in my house except if they are married. Unmarried people will not share a bedroom in my house. </p>
<p>Honestly, I don’t expect it to happen at all, given the size of my house. You can hear anything and everything from anywhere.</p>
<p>I wonder if any of you have considered whether you would apply a rule like cptofthehouse’s or tranquilmind’s if the unmarried couple staying over happens to be a gay or lesbian couple living in a state where they aren’t legally permitted to marry. Would you, in fact, apply the rule to that couple? What if they were the same age as you and your spouse and had been together for 30 years? Personally, I have trouble imagining anyone suggesting such a thing, unless they were the kind of people who would never have such a couple as a guest in the first place.</p>
<p>My son is 23, and is presently splitting his time between my place and my ex’s – sort of like high school, except that it isn’t. If he wants to have someone over when I’m not there, it’s his business and I couldn’t care less. I’m sure he’d never even want do that when I’m home, because it’s entirely impractical: I live in a one-bedroom apartment. So it’s not an issue.</p>
<p>My three Ds who are now married all stayed at our home with their significant others prior to marriage. They stayed in their old rooms, along with their boyfriends. All had been living together for a while, and were in committed relationships. Whether they had sex or not while here, I have no idea, nor is it any of my business. And if they had, what difference would it have made? They clearly were having sex in their relationships, and thank heaven for that! It’s a normal part of a committed relationship. It would have been silly to insist that they sleep apart, in my opinion. </p>
<p>It’s funny, but if I were to follow with the rules of some here, my mom and her partner of 27 years would never have been allowed to share a room while visiting us through the years. For various reasons, they have never married but have lived together for all those years and are now in their 80s. I guess maybe I should have asked them to stay in a hotel! ;)</p>
<p>Just found ourselves in this situation for the first time a month ago. Of my two Ds, D2 is now in the most serious relationship either one has ever had. The couple visited us last month so we could meet him. </p>
<p>When our daughters moved out after college graduation (and to opposite ends of the country from each other) we turned both of their bedrooms into very welcoming guest rooms. One (D1’s former room) has a queen-sized bed, and the second one (D2’s former room) has two twin beds. We never had the talk about where they were going to stay, and I just assumed that they would go for the queen-sized bed when they got here, and they did. We know that they are spending many nights together now, and will likely be moving in together this fall. They are already talking about their probably wedding, so we’re not talking about some one-night stand (which I WOULD have a problem with) in our home. They’re very much in love, and it was obvious by how they talked to each other, and were affectionate when here. As someone said upthread, I have no idea if they were having sex while they were here, and it’s none of my business. By the time bed time rolled around, after the long days of entertaining, etc., the last thing on my mind was what they were doing in that bedroom as long as it didn’t keep me awake!</p>
<p>I know many people have a hard time accepting that some parents are so open-minded about these sorts of things, but I guess I just choose to pick my battles, and come 11PM each night, that was not even on the skirmish radar!</p>
<p>When H and I started dating, while visiting my parents, we always slept in separate rooms (and we never engaged in any after-midnight-before-6AM shenanigans), but when we would visit H’s parents, we slept in the same room (despite their protest), twin beds, mostly because H could not stand to share a room with one of his brothers. </p>
<p>Interestingly, D1 has been the most vocal about our allowing D2 and her boyfriend to sleep together at our house; she thinks it’s creepy. I suspect some day when she brings home someone for us to meet, she’ll not find it such an objectionable experience!</p>
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<p>Ah! That makes sense. Thank you for that explanation :)</p>
<p>I few years ago my parents, then well into the 70’s, had to come visit for a family function. They stayed at my sister’s - who was sleeping with her not yet second husband, and her two unmarried daughters, both in their 20’s, were sleeping with their boyfriends. My mother told me she never thought that was something she ever imagined to see in her lifetime. Times change.</p>
<p>I don’t permit unmarried couples to share a bedroom in our house. However, I have told my daughter -her fiance was visiting- that I’ll have no idea what time she goes to bed ~ it might be 5am for all I know.</p>
<p>^^^^^^^^^
I get a kick out of this attitude. So your parents were born around 1940? That would have made them in their 20s in the 1960s? ;)</p>
<p>It depends on who you have as your caste of charactors in your household. It really comes down to common sense and some of my kids, and brothers did not have any. I;ve seen liberal parents have their hair stand up on their ends at how far their kids pushed some things when they thought they being so cool and natural about it. Want your kid bringing one night stands to your house? My cousin has a daughter who was pretty much turning tricks in her bedroom, until the boon was lowered, and she felt she had every right as it wasn;t laid down as against house rules and she was paying rent. Once you let certain things out, getting them back in is not so easy. </p>
<p>i don’t see a problem with letting a grandmom and a SO, or longtime SO of adults share a room, if things are stable in your household with your young adults, teens, kids. In my case, I felt that I was a bit too rigid with my brother and the one SO, but then when he went through his girl of the week phase, I was glad the rule was there. It’s a lot easier to be lenient and take it easy when you have courteous, sensible people at hand. I dont and didn’t have that privilege. My kids have made some very rude, bad decisions that have hurt others, including us, to put it right there, and they really need the limits put down to govern their behavior in my world, and even then step over certain lines. It’s very easy dealing with those who are polite and take others feelings and comfort into consideration. </p>
<p>Another friend of mine found out that their basement rec room was the community love/sex nest. Yeah, some just push the limits, and if you know that’s what you are dealing with, it makes life a bit easier. My kids have come very close to losing the doors to their rooms, and the only thing that tempers some of their behavior is that they know it could happen. </p>
<p>I know famlies who allow all sorts of things, and all is well. Others whose kids take an area of leniencey and basicallly dump their parents’ faces in it, and I’m kind of on that line, I guess.</p>
<p>As for gay couples, same rules. If I don’t know, I can’t impose the rules so for all I know any of my kids could have had a gay same sex friend in the room, bed with them. It’s not like I’m on a crusade about these things. I just want to keep my home as much of a sanctuary for myself as I can for my own selfish comfort and sanity. I don’t check marriage licenses either, though I ‘ve been burned letting family drive my cars at times and didn’t check drivers’ licenses. That’s the world and family I have to deal with, just to give you some insight.</p>
<p>“I get a kick out of this attitude. So your parents were born around 1940? That would have made them in their 20s in the 1960s?”</p>
<p>If you are referring to my parents - they were born in 1927 and 1929.</p>
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<p>My parents were born in the 40’s and came of age in the late 50s/early 60s, but when it came to me, they seemed really worried about the whole sex thing. I think it was not out of hypocrisy, but more out of fear of teenage pregnancy. I can understand that.</p>