I just signed up for an account on CC even though I have been reading the posts for many years. I really appreciate the insight and support that people in this community provide each other. Wondering if I can get some advice on late applications to K-12 private schools in NYC. Our daughter is currently a 5th grader at a small K-8 private school in Manhattan. Even though it’s a good school, DD has been feeling that there aren’t any kids in her school whom she can really connect with, both in terms of interest and temperament. She’s an avid reader, and loves arts and crafts, which is not that common amongst her cohort at school. Recently she got dropped by her little group of friends, so is pretty much on her own socially. As her parents, it’s hard to watch. She tells us that she’d like to go to a school with more kids where she has more of a chance finding like-minded friends (her current school only has 40 kids/grade). We have put in an application for public middle schools last December (only listed 3 schools - 1st choice Clinton; then Salk and Lab). Our lottery number is 3bxxxxxx, which is ok, but not great. I am now feeling we should have applied to some private schools last fall, but didn’t because we didn’t think her situation was as dire at the time.
IMO, St. Ann’s would be a great choice for her, and maybe also Dalton. She’s bookish and a relatively innocent 11 yo. She gets good grades and is a conscientious student. What is the community’s pov on these two schools for someone like her? Any suggestions for other schools? In the ideal world, we would like a private school that’s relatively low-key. We are a normal upper middle-class family, comfortably off but certainly not rich in the NY-sense. We can afford to send DD to private school because we only have 1 kid.
I’m thinking to email the AO to inquire if there’s any possibility of late applications. Any advice on how to make a good case? Understand this is a looooong shot, but thought there’s no harm in trying. Thanks in advance for your help!
OP, you’re in a tough place. My guess is that transferring into either of those 2 private schools will be tough. They are hard to get into even at the normal entry points. However, it can’t hurt to reach out.
You might want to look at the professional children’s school if you need an out. Their admissions are rolling and while it’s been quite a while since I’ve known a current student, they are very flexible and your D could also throw herself into her non-academic pursuits. It could also be a good place to be in a holding pattern as you wait for a better transition point. (Junior Boarding School starts at 7th generally. A very different path, but an option. )
You have already discovered that this can be a brutal age for girls, so no guarantees that won’t happen at a different school. I’d definitely focus on schools that have programs she could throw herself into.
You might also look at schools like Friends, just to check out a different vibe. Sounds like your D would thrive there. Not sure how hard it is to transfer in there either, but if you’re considering this – even for a future year – you might want to really explore the options.
Yes, I also thought about Friends. Does anyone know the difference between Brooklyn Friends and Manhattan Friends Seminary in terms of vibe and academic rigor? Thanks!
The middle school years were absolutely awful for my daughter socially. What I’ve heard from friends who had kids at all kinds of schools (public, private, parochial) is that it was almost a universal experience, regardless of the setting.
I would urge caution in managing expectations about social experiences even if your child is admitted to her top choice.
Good luck to you OP. It’s a rough age to navigate as parents and can be heartbreaking to watch.
Based on out of date info, my impression is that Brooklyn Friends is less structured/rigorous, and Friends Seminary is more “mainstream”.
Many of our friends who liked the values of Brooklyn Friends but wanted more structure chose Packer. But I am not a reliable source on this as it’s been a while since I’ve been actively engaged with the NYC school market.
Completely agree. I think all we can do is to put her in a school with a larger student population so she has more choices in whom she wants to hang out with, and she has to navigate on her own from there. Her current grade has 40 kids, of whom only 20 are girls. At 11, she prefers to hang out with only girls.
I imagine the arts program is typical of most smaller K-8 schools - there’s art, drama, music and dance, each once a week. The kids are engaged during class (I have observed them during class time because I was volunteering on a school project). It’s just that the inclination of most the kids is not in the arts necessarily,with some exceptions of course. Most boys play soccer, basketball as extra-curricula, and a lot of girls do gymnastics, dance, tennis etc., whereas D is more into books and arts/crafts.
Oh, okay. I go to a K-8 in the city too. I can relate as an artsy kid without a great art program at my school. Dalton is good for arts, but they are pretty stem as well. I think Nightingale has a good arts program in their high school, but I’m not sure about middle school.
ugh, just so sorry about her being dropped. It’s the worst. I feel like it happens to everyone (or maybe I was just lucky) but you are right it is torture to watch as a parent. No matter what happens definitely now do extracurriculars outside of school so she keeps her self-esteem up. Both of my kids bounced back from it- my son got “dumped” in 6th grade and my daughter in 5th grade. It was more painful for my son because he didn’t even realize he was being dumped (or maybe it was better for him, more painful for me). Just wanted to say- so sorry and tons of empathy.
After St. Ann’s, Dalton is the other school that immediately came to mind. Both are hard-to-get-in schools. Does anyone have any insight on the social life at Dalton. We live downtown and definitely not amongst the 1% of the city. I just wonder if it will be tough for her to make friends and integrate as I imagine a large chunk of the kids live on the UES.
I’m sorry to hear about this turn of events for your daughter.
For late applications, you might reach out first to the Parents League which may have a list of schools that are open to applications despite being past the cut off date. I’ve never used their services personally but they seem to be a touch point for the broad universe of NYC independent schools.
I don’t have experience with NY schools, but do teach at a k-8 school. It is very typical for there to be social shuffling in 5th-6th grade. It can be difficult to watch as a parent, but kids are drastically different at those ages and often the kids that are a friend group shift because they are no longer getting together based on parent preferences and set up playdates. They are developing different interests, maturing at different rates, and their personalities are changing. I encourage you to reach out to the school counselor and teachers to see if they can help her forge some new friendships with people who have similar interests. What I often see is a lot of the quirkier kids in 5th and early 6th grade that are floundering a bit find each other and form solid friendships by the end of 6th grade. I hope you all can find a place for her in her current school or find a school where she is happy.
Yes I have spoken to the middle and high school consultant at Parents League. Her advice is to call up the AO at the schools I am interested in and just ask if they are accepting late applications.
Thank you for the insight. That’s good to hear. I was told that a few new kids are joining next year. If she does end up staying at her current school, that’s what I hope will happen.