As long as I was sure that none of them were leaving the house, I’d offer wine or beer at dinner and champagne for midnight. And I’m a lawyer. ??♀️
I wouldn’t go so far as to fill a glass at dinner, unless you know their experience and tolerance. And judgment. What I mentioned was just a toast and done. Dilute it with something, if you want. As far as mocktails, most kids can’t tell the difference. But I do think a light attitude (“Hey, at OP’s house, she served me 6 “drinks” and I didn’t get a buzz!”) could send the wrong message.
We’ve had problems in our area with parents “hosting” big parties with alcohol, lots of kids, then disappearing. Big problems, legal action. But I wouldn’t be doing that and nor is OPtalking about that.
The problem the last time some states lowered the age to 18 was a serious increase in alcohol related accidents. There is no way to simply aay, wth, they’re over 18. (But I have isue with compusory military service at 18, too.)
Warning. Some people have rare alcohol allergies. I have a friend whose teenager died at a supervised beer party. Feel asleep, stopped breathing.
May I humbly suggest that, while you might think you know these young adults, and think you can predict what they will or won’t do, you really don’t. So if you are comfortable with the possible legal consequences of serving under age adults in your home, go ahead. Just do it with your eyes wide open, and don’t fool yourself into thinking that you * know* they won’t sneak out, or get sloppy drunk, or end up in the ER after you served them alcohol.
I could bore you with a tale of spending a long day and evening in the ER with a young adult friend of my kid, who, as it turns out, has one heck of a problem with alcohol. I did not serve anyone anything, but she brought her own, had her own little pre-gaming party at my house, continued that while standing in line for a concert they all were attending, and was carted off to the ER once it all hit her… Before the band even started playing. (nobody else in the group was drinking with her.)
That was one heck of a fun long distance conversation I had with her mom while waiting for her daughter to sober up enough to be released from the ER. Thank goodness no one in our house, including my daughter, provided her with any of the booze. She brought her own, and hid it. Just think about what a different conversation it would have been with her mom, with the ER personnel, and perhaps with law enforcement or a lawyer or two, if I had started it all off by serving some champagne at my house to people I knew weren’t of legal age.
Just something to think about.
presumably you have the same concern with any of your guests-middle aged people can drink too much, or have alcohol allergies or whatever as well.
Many of these students will be financial dependents until their early twenties. Should you keep calling their parents until you get word they are off their tax forms?
I absolutely don’t get that one. How infantalizing.
Due to my profession I cannot risk violating laws. So I would not provide alcohol to anyone under 21. Yes they probably drink elsewhere but not on my watch.
Lol! @garland ?
Sincerely curious as to what response by the young women is expected by the “won’t serve” crowd. OP stated they live in a remote area and the visitors are flying in without access to cars. So it would be preferable for the women to hang out at a far away bar and hope for an uber or a ride home? Surely being on the streets is far riskier. Or do you expect them to rent a hotel room for all of them downtown that night? Or are they supposed to BYOB and go outside in the cold at midnight to toast? Assuming they don’t expect to sit in front of the tv with cocoa, what is the proposed Alternative?
@roycroftmom Many of us don’t care about the 20 year old guests’ fun evening as much as we care about our personal legal problems which could crop up if we serve alcohol to people we know are underage. We could lose our jobs, our security clearances, our reputations, our professional licenses… if things go awry. They probably wouldn’t , but the ramifications if things go awry are not worth the momentary happiness of some college kids. I wonder why this is a difficult concept?
Social host laws, in states that have them, apply regardless of the guest’s age.
Many social host laws were created to specifically hold adults liable for underage drinking in their homes. In some states, this liability does extend to providing alcohol to adults in one’s home as well (should accident or injury occur).
https://injury.findlaw.com/accident-injury-law/social-host-liability.html
Here is the pertinent part of the Ohio law:
": Ohio Revised Code §4301.69(B)
What If I Give My Child Permission to Drink Under My Supervision?
There are important exceptions to the laws discussed above. Under Ohio law, children under the age of 21 may drink alcoholic beverages while under the supervision of their parents. This means one parent (or legal guardian) must give consent and be physically present while the child consumes alcohol. Therefore, in addition to permitting supervised drinking in a private residence, Ohio law also allows parents to order alcoholic beverages for children at restaurants or bars – as long as the parents remain with the children while the drinks are consumed. Though it is legal for businesses to sell alcohol to parents (knowing the parents will give the drinks to their children), many restaurants choose to limit their liability by refusing to sell alcohol intended for underage children or limiting the hours that minors may be present on the premises.
Note that your physical presence as a parent or guardian is a strict requirement. You cannot “send” your child to a bar or private party with written or oral permission to drink. It is also not enough that other parents supervise your child while he or she drinks – you, as your child’s parent, must actually be there while alcohol is consumed.
So remember, when you have people over for the big game, you should monitor who has access to the beer. Yes, you can let your kids have a beer under your supervision. But if their friends sneak a few drinks, and their parents are not there to give consent, you may be responsible not only for permitting underage drinking, but also for any trouble or mischief they might get into later on in the night while under the influence."
In Ohio at least physical presence is VERY important. Like others have mentioned most likely everything would be fine. However, the consequences of something going wrong could be substantial.
I am a worst-case scenario type of person. I doubt this would happen at the gathering that the OP is describing but I shake my head internally when I hear parents of HS kids willingly hosting post-prom or Homecoming parties with alcohol who think they have the situation under control because they take the kids’ keys.
You will never be able to anticipate the random incidents that can occur to cause your best laid plans to go awry. E.g., people we knew were hosting a post-prom party and allowing kids to drink (to excess) because all the kids were sleeping over. Well two drunk kids got in a fight and one kid called their parents. Imagine if those parents decided to call the police because they wanted to press assault charges.
In my opinion my personal liability as the host is just too great and I’m not willing to take that chance.
Coincidentally we just had a very similar conversation over Thanksgiving. My son and his same aged (same college) cousin were talking about their apartments, grocery shopping, etc. They got around to talking about Costco shopping and my nephew said that his roommate’s parents take them to Costco every time they come to town and load them up. My MIL inserted herself and announced that included stocking the refrigerator with beer and that her son did not approve and would not be doing that (he was sitting right there but she felt the need to speak for him). My nephew shook his head and said “I don’t care if dad does it because my roommate’s parents keep me well supplied”.
This, in my opinion, is a case of overstepping by the roommates parents and they are opening themselves up to a liability issue. Knowing my BIL it could be a significant liability issue as I am sure he would look to cash in on a payday should anything ever happen. On the other hand my son sat there and didn’t say a word. I know he drinks, he knows I know he drinks I just don’t ask how he gets it and he doesn’t share those details. Over the summer he asked for a ride for him and his friend that was visiting to another friend’s house. It struck me as odd at first, why he wouldn’t just drive himself until I realized he was being responsible, was going to be drinking, and wasn’t going to drive. It was 4th of July so Uber would have been difficult and surge pricing so I was his next best option. Sometimes being responsible while doing something “wrong” is the best we can hope for during the college years.
Does this change once the kids are over 18 and are fully adults, except they can’t legally drink alcohol? None of them are minors (under 18). Is the choice theirs to grab a beer vs a soda? Their parents don’t really have control over a 19 or 20 year old. I did a bit of googling and it is not clear to me. There comes a point when most of the kids friends are over 21, but a few are not. Is a parent required to card all the kids or ask their birthday?
This is some champagne at midnight not shots for hours on end. I can’t imagine anyone, even a parent, being upset at a midnight toast. I would certainly have sparkling cider and not make the assumption that all of the kids drink and avoid pre-midnight alcohol. However, I don’t see much liability in a glass of champagne for 19 to 20 yos that are sleeping over. And I was very strict about all this with my own kids and their friends.
The disconnect between being an adult at 18 (they make their own legal decisions, whatever) and not being able to drink until 21 (because 18, 19 and 20 year olds are not “adults” in this case) is just dumb, I feel, and sets up these kinds of crazy legal/moral issues.
Good luck.
@Midwest67 said:
They are underage with regard to alcohol consumption, but none of the guests at the OP’s house are minors. They are all legal adults.
It’s a tricky few years - 18 through 20. The years my own were 21 but many of their friends were a year younger were worrisome for the same reasons we are discussing here, in terms of liability for my 21 year old kid providing alcohol to underage adult friends.
Here’s a link to information about social host liability. Honestly, in the OP’s situation it’s most likely fine to serve champagne to her guests. But it is good to understand the liability a host has when doing so.
https://injury.findlaw.com/accident-injury-law/social-host-liability.html
I’ve done this and had both champagne and sparkling cider on hand. All parents gave permission but if even one had been hesitant, it would have been sparkling cider for all under 21s. I don’t want anyone to feel left out or that their mom is lame just because she’s uncomfortable.
As an aside, the cider was more popular (I have a great source in Quebec and they will ship: http://en.cidreriebilodeau.com)